Rolling In The Deep
by subconsciousisboss
Summary: If love came knocking at your door, would you answer it? Would you let it into the space that you had worked so hard to keep sacred? Would you even know what it is and if so, are you prepared for it? Will you accept it? It's FABERRY lovin'.
1. The Introduction

**Chapter 1: The Introduction**

Which of the many gods came to the conclusion that today of all days would be **'torture Quinn Fabray day'**? Because whoever he or she is must have personal vendetta against me that was rooted since the very beginning of my time on earth. Now, I'm not a superstitious person, well not too superstitious I should say, so when I walked under a ladder this morning I didn't think too much of it. Actually I never gave it a second thought. I mean the day had started out well enough. I woke up. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I was breathing. First sign of good news already, I was alive. But from past experiences I just knew that this day like any other day was about to have its ups and downs but never in my wildest of wildest dreams did I think that it would turn into an earth shattering disaster. A little mishap here and there were the usual part of my day because if you really knew me you'd know that luck or anything remotely close to being in my favor didn't come around too easy. My days have always been filled with some kind of grief and/or misfortune. The curse of Quinn I coined it. So today, I took it that I must have offended the very gods of god between the time I woke up to this very moment right here because today, right now _it just got real_. I rewound my day, flashbacks of it flashing at me on index cards going a mile a minute in my head. Eventually I gave up. I couldn't think of anything that tremendously offensive that I could have done for karma to hit me this cruelly. I used my free hand to pinch myself because maybe just maybe this was a dream. But then I felt my heart beating out of its damn mind so my dream theory failed me right there and then. The situation got worse when the intense beating was causing my skin to stretch so far out of its normal range that I was afraid it would snap open, heart tumbling forward and all. And before you start with the questions or awes let me just say that my heart was not doing cartwheels and backflips because of love. Nope, far from it actually. This beating was out of pure panic. I took a deep breath to try and calm my nerves but no such luck. Then I settled with speaking to my heart directly hoping that it will take some pity on me, it was my heart after all. "Dear heart," I said, "Please calm down. If you beat any harder you will surely land onto this germ-infected ground filled spit and gum. Now stop it. You're freaking my other internal organs out affecting me externally hence I'm all kinds of freaking out and for what really?" I blame her of course. As if there was another to blame. Yes, I blame you the person who I have tried to slap-punch-kick out of my mind. You who was now in my line of vision. You who was selfishly inhaling all of the air around me leaving me panting like a kid with asthma without an inhaler. I blame you for my sudden lack of coolness. Let's face facts, all my life I've considered myself a relatively cool person. I don't flail like a fangirl over these kinds of situation so clearly this must be an exception. She's an exception. I began attacking the elevator button like it was my mission in life to press that button. I'm not prepared. I can't face her, not like this. I have to retreat, for now at least. If you really want to know who was the cause of my disheveled state of mind you'd have to pay attention because this might take a while.

Now, I'm not going to give you a word for word detailed story of my childhood or teenage years because I don't want to bore you and honestly some of the things I say might not be all too believable if you weren't there to live it with me. So to spare you from reading too much I'll give you the bullet point version of my life. Let's start with the basics. I grew up in a small town, Lima Ohio to be exact. It's one of those cities that make you break out a map or an atlas because it just doesn't sound like a real place. Growing up in Lima, I was never exposed to too much of anything, anything worthwhile that is. I grew up knowing a sense of familiarity, a routine of sorts. I grew up with a strict set of beliefs that told me what was right from wrong. Right out of the womb my parents shoved a bible in my face and expected me to be a walking example of what a perfect Christian girl should be. That was all well and good until I knew better and when I knew better the topic of family was dropped altogether.

In high school, I was the queen of determination and manipulation. And when these qualities combined it resulted to cheating, pregnancy, mono, and heartbreaks. I was damn selfish. I cared too much about the superficial aspects of life. I was a walking stereotype who then became a ratio, because hello teenage pregnancy. Sure, I was a bitch who had a heart of gold under a cold exterior but I wasn't going to let anyone know that. I had built walls around me so high that the best mountain climber couldn't scale them. After my pregnancy though the walls began to crumble ever so slowly. It was in my last two years of high school that I came to the realization that the coldness needed to heat up sooner or later. I was driving myself insane. I was missing out on life. It was kind of pathetic that glee club was my only outlet for the fun and crazy and I wanted that fun and crazy around me all of the time. I had to let myself be free and be me, who me was I wasn't too sure back then but any other version of myself would have suffice to replace queen bee Quinn. The last two years of high school was spent on outsourcing all of my energy into slowly morphing myself into a likeable Quinn, unlike the old Quinn that people feared. I mean I 'm not going to lie. It was kind of nice to have the student body parting for me like I was Moses. It certainly got me to where I needed to be a lot faster. But that got real old real fast.

Now in college was where I tested and oozed all kinds of _Quinnplications_. After high school, I was so screwed up in the head that I thought it be appropriate that I'd name my epic hot mess status and that was the birth of Quinnplications. Come to think of it I seriously blame Santana and maybe Puck also perhaps the Glee club and mainly a lot of alcohol for my hot messness. For instance, in my first year of college, I acquired so many personalities that my roommate suggested that I be checked for a multiple personality disorder. I ignored her because then I was still struggling with Head Cheerio Quinn, Christian Quinn, Glee Quinn and college Quinn. That was way too many Quinns for me to deal with. It was like asking a puppy to babysit a human baby. It was ridiculous. I was ridiculous. As my time in college progressed fusing these eclectic set of personalities had benefited me real well, still does actually. I'm still a kick in the pants hot mess but the good kind; in college I was just the unstable kind. This new leaf was a far stretch from my old life; it was new and all too easy. I was in love with it. It helped that I had attended and lived in one of the most liberal cities in America. Berkeley was used to their crazies. So to anyone that lived there who came across me, I was just another college kid going through the works that college came with. Life got a hell of a lot better when my roommate introduced me to what she called "a perfectly legit and legal past time". If you had told me in high school that I would end up in a UC Berkeley dorm room with a roommate that insisted that I take the stick out of my ass and just smoke some weed to relax I would have told you that you were flipping out of your damn mind. But there I was. My good ole college days gave me the chance to try out new faces that I never knew existed and perfected those I already had. Let me see if I can recall there was good student Quinn, loyal friend Quinn, pissed off Quinn, insanely quiet Quinn, drunk Quinn, and my personal favorite pot head Quinn. Oh how I loved pothead Quinn. Pot head Quinn had no filter same as drunk Quinn but pot head Quinn had awesome jokes and corny pick up lines that were in fact corny but worked without fail every time. Pothead Quinn had the munchies for Blondie's pizza and would kill anyone who dared touch or even tried to ask for a bite. Pothead Quinn was a ninja on a mission and she was fucking awesome.

I know its incredibly cliché to say that my college years were really the best time of my life but it really was. College gave me a new beginning with no end in sight. During those four years, I was able to be a multitude of people. They were all fun, exciting, and deep in character. I cherished them all. Those four years I spent dozing off in lectures halls, getting attacked by the millions of squirrels that roamed about on campus and befriending freshmen for their food points turned me into this Quinn, a drifter with no purpose but to live and let live. I know that that statement does not look well on a resume but it was me. I did not give a flying hoot nor wasted my time on the things that didn't need my attention. I stopped obsessing over the little things and just chilled. Still chilling with cupcakes, cocoas, and all.

Now back to my current predicament. So there I was at the lower level of the Westfield Centre garage mall waiting for what seemed to be forever and an eternity for the elevator doors to open. I continually abused the up button. Tapping it forcefully each time. "You know the elevator won't come any faster just because you're molesting the button," I told myself. Just as fast I replied, "Get the fuck out, I want out of here now." I was getting more anxious as I felt her presence getting closer and closer. I turned my head towards the familiar voice and there she was crossing the street skipping like a kid on Halloween. It was all too precious and as soon as my eyes connected with hers I was immediately hit with an intense case of the butterflies. Actually I was hit with a fist as this woman next to me gestured a little too hard and clocked me right on the side of my face. But whatever, I didn't even bother to stay for her apology as soon as the elevator doors opened I ran into that elevator like a boss. Once inside I hit the button for level three. The elevator started moving and I was finally safe. Out of sight, out of mind. That's how it worked right? But then I felt the butterflies in my stomach still fluttering about. And then my heart decided to join in the fun and decided that today was the day to go completely fucking crazy. I sighed; this was going to be a long day. The elevator doors opened and I was hit with a cool San Francisco breeze. I walked to my car, unloaded my bags in the trunk, and dragged my lifeless body to the driver seat. I sat there for a while marinating on what just happened. What is she doing here? What's happening to me? Is it happening all over again? Please say it ain't so.

To be perfectly honest, I wasn't expecting these unwanted butterflies that are now swarming the very pit and all corners of my stomach. But if I was to be completely honest I'm not all that surprised that they're in there chilling like a villain. I don't even know where to start or how to explain this situation. It has been years since I last saw her. The last time I saw her it turned out perfectly fine, I think, that is if fine meant extremely awful which led to a broken nose. I counted my blessings that no such freak show occurred today. I know that I need to come to terms with these butterflies sooner or later but I wasn't having it today. I just wanted to put my car in gear and go. I wasn't up for a reunion of any sorts. But then again, I suppose I should explain the cause of my sudden freak out. Well let's start with a name, Rachel Berry. Rachel Berry… where do I even begin to describe Rachel Berry. This I will admit that back in Lima when we were in high school and maybe a tad bit after college I always did have this unexplainable urge to stare at her. Whether it was during Glee rehearsals, in class or every other opportunity where the staring wouldn't be noticeable I was there doing it. When I saw her shopping at the grocery store, I stared. When I would occasionally run into her at the mall I stared. When I saw her at Breadstix I yes you guessed it I stared. I stared so much that I thought my eyes would have fallen right out of their sockets. Before you start with the eureka-s, the aha-s, and/or the obvious pointing of the finger let me just be clear and say that first and foremost, I' am no stalker by any means but staring at a certain 5'2 brunette with luscious lips and milk chocolate brown eyes was something that I could not help. Every time she was around I had no control over my body, particularly my eyes hence the staring. I'm no Finn or Sam. I knew very well why I was staring so much. It wasn't rocket science. So what if I had a little bit of a crush on the Berry? It wasn't confusing or anything like that. It was just a girl crush. And so life went on. But here I' am some years later and there she was looking like she had walked out of Vogue magazine. What was a woman to do? I tell you, deny. Deny and run.


	2. It's Not Always Rainbows&Butterflies

**A/N: **All mistakes are mine. I'm only human. Thank you to those who subscribed and reviewed. It is very much appreciated.  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters or the television shows.

**Chapter 2: "It's Not Always Rainbows and Butterflies"**

"Can I just say… that you… are an idiot!" And here were go another verbal beat down from no other than Santana Lopez, "What the hell Q? That was a golden opportunity that you missed! I can't believe that you just left."

"Yes, S. I just left. I mean what was I supposed to do?" I sighed. I was in no mood for an argument. I had twenty minutes left on my lunch break and wanted to enjoy the rest of it without Santana breathing down my neck. The weather was perfect. Not too hot or cold. The square wasn't over crowded with lost looking tourists. It was just nice.

"Oh I don't know. You could've said hi? That would have been a capital idea."

She's not letting this go, "So, you mean to tell me that if you were in my position you could have easily just said hi to a person you have not seen in years and weren't exactly buddy-buddy with to begin with?"

And there it was right on cue. I couldn't say that I was shocked I was expecting it. I mean if you're used to Santana like how I'm used to Santana her ability to switch facial expressions in a matter of a microsecond was not all that surprising. So there she was giving me one of her famous **WHAT THE FUCK** look, one of many but clearly this look tops the many though the others are quite funny as well, because if there's one thing that Santana Lopez was great in besides back hand insults and her sick idea of revenge that would be giving the right facial expression at the right time, "Well if this person happens to be someone that I was crushing on for like years now then yeah I would have bought her a set of gold star stickers, some nasty vegan drink, fed her a line or two, call it a day and mossy my way into her life."

"S, I really do not want to talk about this anymore. And the more you bug me about it the more I regret ever telling you. It was just a crush. A crush," I emphasized the last word so it'll sink in her head that it was no big deal, "I'm over it."

Rolling her eyes she got up from her seat and shrugged, "If you say so. Come on I'll walk you back to work."

_Well that was easy_ I thought. I picked up my mess, thankful that the topic was dropped, "Why are you walking me back anyhow? Don't you have somewhere else to be?"

She stopped dead in her tracks and glared at me, "Who are you my mother? Besides I have to go check on Emily. Make sure you haven't worked my poor cousin to death."

"Well that's thoughtful of you S and if you would promise to behave yourself then I would be more incline to welcome your presence in my shop."

She just laughed and started to walk. I couldn't help but laugh at her complete dismissal but that was just S. I caught up with her and as she linked our arms she gave me a genuine smile, it was a rare moment. As we were walking, I began to think of how comfortable life was for me right now, money wise anyhow. I'm no Martha Stewart or Oprah but for a twenty five year old living in an expensive city to live in I was doing quite well for myself. I owned a small but successful dessert shop in the middle of City Square, a prime location. Between the locals and the tourists there was no short of customers flocking my shop. The shop went from entertaining a modest crowd to a tourist spot after Santana uploaded a youtube clip of herself exercising her right at what she called, "freedom of clothing" while sampling everything on the menu. She explained that it was advertising 101, sex sells. So when the clip of her wearing nothing but an apron and short shorts went viral so did my store. Her expressions while eating my baked goods made my baking skills look really good if you know what I mean.

Life was great I couldn't complain. I had a successful business with great but annoying friends along for the ride. But every morning I would wake up and couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing. My heart betrays my brain constantly telling my brain that it knows well what's missing. _Just follow my lead_ it would say but my brain had years of experience ignoring the obvious so again life went on. Even after an almost reunion with a certain brunette couldn't break my brain's training in feigning ignorance.

After insisting on walking me back to the shop Santana insisted on staying, like she always does.

"We're back," Santana announced as we entered the shop. I closed the shop for the day to catch up on inventory. There was a lot to be done. The presence of Santana would hinder any progress that was made today; I was prepared for the slow down.

I walked behind the counter to join Emily while Santana parked herself at the sample station, like she always does.

"Santana," I quickly yelled out to her, "I swear if you finish those samples you will be paying for them."

She waved her left hand in the air while using her right hand to stuff a piece of cupcake in her mouth, "Q, I have never paid for anything I ate in this store."

"Yeah, and you now owe.. let me see," I took a calculator out of the drawer for effect and started punching in numbers, "And you now owe me a billion dollars! Now step away from the sample station and help Em with these carry out boxes."

Defeated she made her way behind the counter joining us, "You are an evil dictator."

"And you're a greedy pastry whore."

Santana placed her right hand on Emily's shoulder, "Emily I don't know how you can take this kind of abuse."

I smirked and occupied Emily's vacant shoulder with a one-arm hug, "She takes it like a champ don't you Em?"

Emily shook her shoulders to free herself from our vise-like grips, "You two annoy the hell out of me sometimes."

Santana laughed and jumped butt first on the counter while Emily and I continued working, "Anyway, Emily guess who Q spotted shopping at the Westfield Centre yesterday?"

As I recalled Santana was supposed to be helping us but I thought it best if I kept my mouth shut so she wouldn't further engage in the conversation she was trying to start. Emily on the other hand had other ideas. The ever efficient and sneaky employee tricked Santana by taking the bait, "Who?" She asked as she gave Santana a handful of carry out containers to fold. Santana too caught up in her story didn't even notice what Emily did. I gave Emily a mental fist bump, "Santana, don't start," I warned.

Santana paused halting our progress. I panicked because I think she's now noticed that she's actually helping us work, "What? It's harmless information," she declared.

Yes! Safe. She was still completely oblivious. I hid my excitement by continuing to work and I let Emily do her thing. The best outcome of hiring Emily to work for me was that she was able to perform miracles such as mind-tricking Santana into being productive or somewhat pleasant; two traits that Santana was not born with. And whenever Santana did notice that she's been had she never went all Hulk on Em because that's her favorite cousin, that's family, but if it was me mind-tricking her there would be hell to pay. I've often wondered why Santana had such a soft spot for Emily. I mean I could understand the family argument but I've seen Santana trip her older brother on a staircase so it couldn't be all because Emily was family. Maybe Santana's congeniality also had a lot to do with the fact that Emily came from such a messed up background. She wasn't a neglected child with horrendous parents, god no, it was just in high school she went through hell after one of her best friends, that she was in love with, was murdered. And if that wasn't enough she was relentlessly tormented by some bitch called A. And also, she was one of the only out gay woman back in her high school. It was some chaotic shit, as Santana would frequently say.

I stared at the pair forgetting what it was that we were talking about. _Santana was sure quick with her hands_ I thought as I watched her demolish the carry out boxes then the topic of the conversation struck me again, "Yeah, right just leave it alone will you S," I said. I got so lost in Emily's murder mystery drama that I almost forgot that Santana was trying to piss me the hell off.

"Come on Q, Emily wouldn't judge. This will stay between us," Santana said innocently.

"Just because you're all angel-like right now it doesn't mean that I would change my mind," I said. "I know you better. If there was anything to share I'm sure that you would blog about it in an instant. Lucky for me, there's nothing to share though."

Emily started stacking the finished boxes still aware that she had to keep Santana talking in order for her to keep working, "Okay, will someone just tell me who it was that Quinn saw."

"Rachel Berry!" Santana spat out, a little too quickly. I swear that this girl has diarrhea of the mouth.

Emily, in slow motion shifted her body to face me, "Wait wait wait… The Rachel Berry?"

As if there was another, "Yeah yeah yeah, that Rachel Berry. Big Broadway star and one of **People's Most Beautiful**, she's that Rachel Berry."

Emily fiddled with the box in her hand and looked to Santana, "Well yeah, that's all well and good but I meant the Rachel Berry that you've had a crush on since high school and them some right Santana?"

Santana leapt from the counter, "Sing it!" She and Emily stood side by side wearing matching goofy grins. I would have scolded them on the spot except that their stupid goofy grins looked too cute for words. Damn their exotic insanely hot genes! Their beauty made it impossible for anyone to stay mad at them. Thankfully I was saved when one of the oven timers in the kitchen went off saving me from further pestering, "You two are double the pain in my ass," I said as I walked pass them, "A pox on all of your houses!"

Emily and Santana followed me into the kitchen, of course. There was no escaping the double mint twins. Never. I remember one time after happy hour Santana, Emily, and I went for a joy ride on the Bart and when they got a little too drunkenly rambunctious for my taste I tried to leave them on the train and switch to another but when I stood up for the switch Emily clung onto me asking me if I was always so pretty. Santana, the weepy drunk that she is, started to cry right onto my shoulder then all hell broke lose and their drunkenness became a pandemonium. Luckily, no one was arrested. Emily, the sweetheart, was so embarrassed the next day while Santana chucked the memory right out off her head which made me fear for Emily sometimes. Santana was not the best influence. She was the kind of person that parents shielded their kids from. I mean she gets a bad rep but I've known her for years so I know all sides of her but still she has her moments when she makes you question her sanity. Her influence creeps without warning. In the two years that Santana and Emily have been living together Santana must have rubbed off some of her evil on Emily because instead of helping me with what was inside the oven she continued her line of questioning, "That's so cool for you Quinn! What is she doing in San Francisco? Were you able to profess your undying love for her? Are you two going to get married now?"

After I closed the oven door, I immediately saw Santana eyeing the two baking trays in my hands full of muffins. Right there and then I decided to keep the muffins and myself far away from the pastry whore, "Really Emily? You're mind like went from curiosity to lunacy in 2.5 seconds."

"Holy sweet hell!" Santana exclaimed, "Faberry babies! I never thought of it. With your goddess like beauty, business minded brain, and her Berryness you two would have some beautiful-overdramatic-loaded-loud babies. Your babies will be set for world domination. This is too perfect Q."

Are we really having this conversation right now? Because I swear it was just a crush. It WAS. Past tense. But by the way they were talking about it they made it seem like this was some match made in heaven type of romance, "This topic is dead to me," I said unconvincingly.

"Does that mean that Rachel is dead to you?" Santana asked. I bounced my head from side to side in annoyance. I was contemplating whether or not I should waste a good, but very hot muffin, by throwing it at Santana_ hard_ but before I could react she sneaked up next to me, "I didn't think so," she said as she stole a muffin from the tray.

Emily walked up behind me, "You know you could just make it easier for yourself and admit that you still have some sort of feelings for her," and with that she too left to join her cousin who was on her way out to the front of the shop while playing hot potato with the muffin. Normally, I would have complained that I was now left all alone to ice all of the muffins but I was thankful that they had the decency to leave me with the thoughts they bombarded me with.

What are they talking about anyway? Feelings? What feelings? Like, I said it was just a crush! Sure, I'm still attracted to her. She's Rachel Berry, big time Broadway and movie star. You'd have to be brain dead not to find her attractive. But these feelings that those two spoke of are non-existent. Because butterflies aren't feelings right?


	3. Girls Night Out Part One

**A/N: **Many thanks for the alerts, reviews, and favorites. Shout out to my Bay Area people, air hug to all. As always I don't own jack nothing and yes I don't proofread.

**Chapter Three: Girls Night Out Part One**

Two weeks had gone by since the Rachel incident. Both Emily and Santana practiced amnesia and boy was I happy. I woke up feeling like Tom Hansen from the movie _500 Days of Summer_ after he and Summer cemented their so-called love by having sex. I was all Hall and Oates singing, "You make my dreams come true." I had an extra pep in my walk that screamed, "Yes, I got some last night and it was fucking amazing." But I really didn't. I was just _**that**_ happy. I saw reflections of Han Solo in the store display cases, water fountains exploded, I shook hands with strangers and we all had an impromptu dance session where the birds from _Snow White _came and joined. Life was good. But remember this was me and days can only go so well for so long until a car crashes through my happy scenario. And there it was my personal car wreck 50 feet in the air, as large as a townhouse; it was staring at me, torturing me so I did the only sensible thing I could do. I ran, _**again**_. Panting and sweating, I ran inside the shop almost ramming into a customer on my way to the office. Inside the office I found Santana and Emily sitting on the couch sharing a lap top, "Q, what happened?" Santana asked, "You look like a Jennifer Aniston movie, a disaster. That's no bueno mija. No me gusta."

I didn't have the energy to verbally or physically smack Santana so I added this Santanism on my ever-growing checklist to attack her later on. On the other side of the couch, Emily got up from her seat and grabbed a water bottle from the refrigerator, "I would normally never agree with anything my cousin has to say but yeah you look… not so put together Quinn," Emily said hesitantly while handing me the water bottle.

I ripped the cap open and tossed it to Santana who ducked from the assault. I downed the bottle in one sitting, "Did you guys see?" I screeched, "Did you see that thing hanging on the side of Macys?"

"And by it do you mean the incredibly large and hot billboard of Rachel Berry hanging mighty high for the entire city to see?"

Emily, with a worried expression, sat back down next to Santana who had an amused grin plastered on her face, "I mean it's not that big Quinn," Emily said. I appreciate her trying to placate the situation but it wasn't going to work.

Santana quickly spun around from her seat, "What do you mean it's not that big Em? That billboard is as big as our apartment. Hell, it is bigger than our apartment! That billboard is a mansion with a pool, a tennis court, and an indoor theater."

I leaned back into my chair and couldn't help but let a groan out. Just when I thought I could cruise my way back to some kind normalcy this had to happen.

"Okay, fine the billboard is not exactly fun sized but I don't understand why you're over there hyperventilating Quinn. I thought that you couldn't care less about Rachel huh? Two weeks ago you were educating us on the many ways you don't care and that your ship has long sailed."

"I don't care Em. I was just… I was just…" Words were escaping me. Brain failure. Awesome. This was going well.

"You were just shocked?" Emily offered. I nodded as she continued in her quest to pacify my nerves, "I mean it is understandable. I bet the last thing you needed to see to start your day with was a Rachel Berry billboard as big as the moon."

I wheeled my computer chair, hauling it and my body to face my friends. I needed their comfort, "You're absolutely right Emily. I was just shocked. The billboard is huge. It could be Sue Sylvester on that thing and it would have the same effect on me. It's not about the person but the size that scared the coherent out of me," I said leaning back onto my chair.

Santana and Emily gave side way glances at each other. I'm not stupid. I know what they were thinking. Their glances were predictable and almost all the time I knew what each glance meant. Unexpectedly Santana sat on my lap and draped her hands around my neck, "Well Q I think that now is the time for you to get out of this funk and for once rid of yourself of these funky feelings that you have for Berry." Entirely confused with the whole situation I looked at Emily. Something I often do when Santana does or say something completely uncharacteristic of her. Emily just shrugged. "Tonight we'll go to Castro, hit up some bars and you'll take home some guy or girl or both that will make you forget that you ever crushed on Berry."

I wanted to slap Santana. Yeah okay, she's trying to be nice and make me forget but there was nothing to forget. I was ready with a definite no when Emily chimed in, "I think that'd be fun. You've been too consumed with the shop. We haven't had fun in months since the shop got so busy. I don't agree with the last part of what Santana said but a few drinks won't hurt." Oh Emily, I kind of want to slap you now too. There was no way I could afford to skip a night of work. Aside from being backed up in the inventory I had to deal with the catering orders that were piling up. I was all for having fun, you know me live and let live, but when it involved the shop I was a lot more careful about my actions. The shop was my baby. But remember what I said, there was no escaping the double mint twins so finally I gave in, "Fine a few drinks but that's it and tomorrow Santana you will report back here at the shop to help us out, free of charge!" Santana rolled out of my lap, "Deal. Come on Emily let's go before she changes her mind."

That night the three of us took a cab to Castro. No one wanted to drive. Everyone wanted to drink. I had to admit that maybe this was a good idea. I haven't been out in forever. I could hear the music blaring as we got out of the cab. Santana led us to our first destination of the night the **QBar**. Once inside we secured ourselves a table. The place wasn't packed but if you don't hijack a table right away you're pretty much guaranteed to be standing the whole night and in these four-inch heels I was not having that. Emily and I gave Santana our orders and she made her way to the bar. It was "Throwback Thursdays," the DJ was playing classic soul dance/pop house rock from the 80s, 90s, and 00s. It was the perfect soundtrack for the night. Two hours later, after Santana's many trips to the bar it was safe to say that all of us were anything but sober. We were sitting down, downing a shot, when a remix of the Human Leagues' "You're My Obsession," came on the speakers, and I was so overcome with joy that I dragged a wobbly Emily and a surprisingly steady Santana onto the dance floor. We swayed to the music. Like something out of a cheesy scene in a movie, we swayed and sang along to the lyrics. I beckoned Emily forth so I wouldn't look crazy singing to the air. The dance floor was filled so the three of us were squished together. If I was sober maybe I would have minded all the sweaty intoxicated people that were dancing around me but I was no way sober so I didn't care.

_You are an obsession _

_I cannot sleep _

_I am your possession _

_Unopened at your feet _

_There's no balance _

_No equality _

_Be still I will not accept defeat  
_

I sang my little heart out. I love love love this song.

_I will have you _

_Yes, I will have you _

_I will find a way and I will have you _

_Like a butterfly _

_A wild butterfly _

_I will collect you and capture you  
_

Santana twirled Emily and I to the beat of the song. "Two fine bitches in each hand," she said.

_You are an obsession _

_You're my obsession _

_Who do you want me to be _

_To make you sleep with me _

_You are an obsession _

_You're my obsession _

_Who do you want me to be _

_To make you sleep with me  
_

I was feeling the effects of the alcohol and its payback. Santana saw the look in my eyes and dragged us out of the dance floor, "Go outside. I'll close the tab," she screamed over the music. I don't know how Emily and I made it outside in one piece because yeah we were both really drunk. Like can barely walk kind of drunk. The next thing I knew we were sitting on the curb outside the bar with Santana towering over us handing us each two water bottles and two hot dog buns. I didn't even bother asking her where she got the hot dog buns from I just started to nibble on mine to get pass my drunken state. I felt Emily dropping her head on my shoulder. Her added weight made it hard for me to sit up straight but I wasn't going to be mean and tell her to step off. Santana sat next to me, "The cab will be here in fifteen minutes," she said. "Stop yelling will you," I told her groggily. "I wasn't yelling you idiot," she snapped, "Your ears are just hyper-aware of all sounds because you're drunk." With much effort I rotated my head to look her in the eyes, "I'm not drunk damn it!" I was drunk. But it was just fun to mess with Santana. I was a sadistic drunk. Only when I'm drunk did I pushed Santana's buttons. "Don't even start Q," she advised, "Because I will leave your ass here if you do."

I can't remember this part too well, in my head it wasn't happening, but in real life it sure was. I tenderly lifted Emily's head off of my shoulder and when I was sure she could carry her own head I stood up or tried to anyway. I held onto the wall and pushed myself off landing onto a parking meter. Using the parking meter for support I began my rant, "You know what Santana you sure use a lot of empty threats, "I said finger waving in the wrong direction. "I would love to see you leave my ass here." I can tell she was quickly getting annoyed. I saw Emily calming her down telling her to just sit and be there for her, who her was I didn't know since she had two drunks to care for. I continued, "Ever since we were kids you were always the same damn person. A fucking lunatic, that's what you are. Hot and cold, all of the time. It's like you're on your period every goshdamn day of your life. Tik tok tik tok that should be your theme music. Never know when you would blow. But you know what? I fucking love you for it," I informed her and everyone else who was now staring at me like a freak show, "Though we've had our differences you always had my back in some shape or form. Even when you stole my boyfriend I still loved you. I fucking love you S!" At this point a crowd was beginning to form around us, "You made me realize that I was hard core crushing on a munchkin a very cute munchkin but a munchkin nonetheless. That was all you S! Oh man… Why aren't you drunk?" I laid my head down on the dirty meter as I felt a headache tiptoeing its way onto my head.

"Oh for Christ sakes," Santana said, getting up from the ground, "Take your screwed up head away from that nasty meter and sit back down you boozy drunk Aton." I was so out of it. I just let her manhandled and berated me, "There's nothing to see here people, this ain't no free ticket to no show now gets a stepping afores I end you all," she hollered to the bystanders, "Where the hell is that cab?" Just as Santana steadied me in place, a limousine rolled up in front of us. I heard a loud group of guys and girls coming out of the bar. Oh hell, if I had the energy to stand I would have collectively kicked all of their asses. They were being so loud. Before I could stop myself, "Will you guys please shut up! You are killing my buzz!" I screamed at them. What the hell was I thinking? Who was I to scream at these people? You see that would have been my rational thoughts in play if I was sober but I'm all kinds of irrational when I was drunk.

Not moving from any of our spots all three of us stayed put and gawked at the group of people I had just yelled at. Next to me, I hear Santana muttering something under her breath, Emily was now mute, and they just kept staring at us. When I didn't say anything else to further embarrass myself and my company they just went about their ways, all bodies dispersed except for one. I was glad the crowd was gone. I really thought that I was going to get my ass kicked but they were nice and left my drunken ass alone. My eyesight was shot. Damn alcohol got me tearing up. I couldn't see clearly but judging by the way Santana straightened herself and how quickly Emily sobered up I was sensing something fishy. I followed their gazes to this body of legs_. Wow, this person has some long legs_. I cocked my head to the side still mesmerized by the sea of tanned legs in front of me. In a zip the tanned legs were now in front of me. Oh gosh, it was so comedic. Company and I were ogling at this leggy brunette, poor girl she must've thought that we were stalkers. I felt nudging on both sides of my body. I wiped my eyes with the sleeves of my jacket. In the words of Santana, "Holy sweet hell!" It was Rachel! The very same Rachel I have been actively avoiding in person or in conversation. Just like that she appeared into my life without warning. That's just like her too, to do something completely unexpected. I'm doomed.


	4. Girls Night Out Part Deux

**Chapter Four: Girls Night Out Part Deux**

"Hi Quinn, Santana, and I don't think we've met before." Mother of all evil, this cannot be happening. "Hey Berry. Funny seeing you here," Santana greeted, as she got up to give Rachel an awkward hug. "This is my cousin Emily, Emily Fields. Emily this is the Rachel Berry." Rachel smiled at Emily who was now standing and shaking her hand.

I felt so cold and lonesome sitting on the curb all by myself. Not only did I feel cold and lonesome but also I was silly drunk and apparently incapable of speaking so I sang, I sang in my head, "_When I was young I never needed anyone and making love was just for fun. Those days are gone… __**ALL BY MYSELF**__… Don't want to be __**ALL BY MYSELF**__ anymore…_" I had to. How could I not sing the forever-alone theme song? It was the perfect moment to bang it out with all three of them looking down on me. Rachel especially was staring at me like I was extraterrestrial. I guess she was waiting for me to say hi or to say anything really. The three of them stood there staring at me, all with various expressions. I felt like a kid in trouble with his parents. Emily was standing behind Santana, still buzzed I'm guessing because she was doing the cha-cha with the parking meter. Santana and Rachel were standing next to each other. Santana was giving me her best bitchface while the latter was beaming rainbows and unicorns. I repeat, **I'm doomed**. Santana kicked my heels and it woke me up from my daze.

For the last two weeks, I have spent an absurd amount of time ridding myself of all things Rachel Berry but boy did someone above or down below really have it out for me because really? Really? Of all the nights that I could bump into her it had to happen the night that I was a belligerent drunk. This was perfection at its worse, karma at its best. I shoved any rational thoughts that were telling me that this, this right here was a very bad idea. But at a time like this you have to be irrational and just act on pure adrenaline or in my case pure drunkenness.

"You okay there Quinn?" and that was all it took to bring me back to life. I lifted myself from the curb and clung onto the wall for dear life. I straightened my clothes and she met me half way.

"Hey Berry." I scolded myself for the lame greeting because really what else does one say or can say that would be appropriate in this kind of situation?

"I thought I saw you at the bar earlier but I wasn't too sure if it was you," she said rather casually as she stood next to me, her body curiously close to mine. It felt warm. She was warm. Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was all her.

"Well yeah. It's me," I said then mentally face palmed myself, at least I thought it was mentally but I actually did it. Rachel tried to hide her smile as she kicked an invisible pebble into the air. Santana and Emily watched us each with a pained expression. Friends' psyche is a beautiful thing I tell you. It works wonders in these specific situations. The cousins were wary and ready to save me at any moment.

"Well alright, as lovely as this reunion is we have to get going soon Berry. As you can see boozy number one and boozy number two here need to call it a night," Santana said, nodding her head like she was convincing herself of something.

"Oh, Um. How are you guys getting home?" Rachel asked, with her eyes set on me.

"I called a cab. It should be on its way," Santana replied. I bet she was cursing herself now for not thinking this out through and through. Girls night out always ended with one, two, or all of us drunk but we never really went home right after. Usually we would walk around the Castro or end up at a food truck to eat then maybe go home.

I can still feel Rachel's heat next to me. She felt like the sun she was so hot. "You know my manager provided me with this limousine service for the night and I will be more than happy to share and give you guys a ride home," Rachel offered. Emily laughed. Santana was wide eyed. I was not there. I checked myself out of this conversation the moment I facepalmed myself. Well damn, can one of us please speak? It's rude to keep a person hanging on a question.

"That would be sublime Ms. Berry. We would lo," Emily responded, hiccupped then continued, "Excuse me, love a ride."

"Oh I don't know Em. We wouldn't want to bother Rachel on her night out," Santana quipped. "Besides I'm sure the cab will be here any minute now."

"Whaaaaa… That's nonsense." Hiccups. "Why waste money when a better offer came along right Quinn?" Emily slurred. I think she might have even winked. Emily Emily Emily. Though on a normal night I would totally get a kick out of your drunken behavior tonight was just not the night. I haven't said a single word for the last five minutes and with good reasons and you decide to direct a question at me? Are you insane? You know I know that Santana can be a lot of wicked things but if anything her ability to be a good friend trumps her sinful qualities.

"This is totally up to you Quinn," Santana assured me. Rachel looked utterly confused. "Because she usually pays for the fare you see so we're just giving her the option to save some dough," Santana explained. Rachel nodded but looked unconvinced of the lie. It wasn't a complete lie I always did pay for the cab fare. _Well shit_ I guess it's my turn to talk. "Uh, if you really don't mind I guess we can take you up on your offer. If you don't mind really because I mean you're you and you could have a million other things you could be doing or wanting to do. I don't… I mean we don't want to be on the way."

Rachel playfully bumped her shoulders against mine, "Oh Quinn I didn't know you had the penchant for rambling," she teased. "Come on let's get the three of you home. Just give your addresses to the driver and you'll be set."

I always hear people speak of their awkward moments… _The awkward moment when you realize your sister is actually your mother. The awkward moment when you realize that you're in the wrong lecture and have to sneak out during roll call to get to the right one. The awkward moment when you realize you haven't had your period in months and might be pregnant._ You know those kinds of moments. I'm ashamed to say but I get a real bang out of hearing those mostly because they're unbelievable and just so funny. It's totally another story when it's happening to you. For me, my awkward moment would be as follows. _The awkward moment when you realize that you're sitting in a limo drunk and speechless with a famous celebrity who happens to be the woman that you're crushing on. The same woman you've tortured for two years in high school with the same friend you've tortured her with and her cousin who was now suffering from a case of the funeral giggles._ That's my awkward moment.

The three intoxicated passengers sat huddled together on the side of the limo where the refreshments were. Rachel said feel free to drink anything that was on the bar. Santana complied with the offer and gave Emily and me water bottles. "Sober up for goodness sakes," she whispered. Rachel was sitting by herself, hands on her lap looking lady like as ever.

"So Rachel, what are you doing here in San Francisco?" _Who said that? Who dared disturb the peace and quiet? _I bent my upper body forward pass Santana's. _Emily?_ Santana was sitting between Emily and I. Emily sat close to Rachel while Santana strategically placed me furthest away from her. Rachel's window was open. Smart idea since we all reeked of alcohol. Her hair was blowing with the wind looking like a shampoo commercial. She turned her head away from the window as she heard Emily speaking slash slurring, "The Broadway show that I'm currently part of is being moved here. The producers wanted to reach a new set of audience so here I' am," she finished with a smile.

"Very cool," Emily said. Santana and I just nodded our heads. The city lights were blinding and I can see the fog appearing. How appropriate, signs of a bad omen. The limo turned onto my street and I was leaping out of my seat with giddiness. Somewhere between the time we left the bar to now it was decided that Emily and Santana would be staying over. The limo stopped outside of my building. Rachel opened the door for the three us and stepped out. One by one we not so gracefully got out of the limo. Rachel closed the door and walked with us until we reached the entrance of my building.

"Thank you again Berry. It was real neat of you to give us a ride," Santana said, "And as a real thank you when your show opens we will all be there for opening night. But in the mean time if ever you want a tour guide to the city between the three of us I'm sure we can show you a real good time." I looked at the pair dumbfounded. They were exchanging numbers and amiable smiles. "Come on boozy one and two. Let's get you two upstairs. Say good bye to the nice pretty lady."

Rachel chuckled, "It was really lovely to meet you Emily." Emily saluted pinky and thumb touching three fingers in the air. "And I hope to see you soon Quinn. Catch up and all."

"Yeah, that'd be nice," I said. "And thank you for the ride. Again."

Crickets. "Cool beans then. We'll get going now. Enjoy the rest of your night Berry," Santana buzzed in. "Right so…" _Oh for heavens sake can we just go now? Shut up Santana_. And she did. Right then she hugged Rachel Berry. A little taken back, Rachel wasn't sure how to react but eventually returned the hug. Emily bursts into a fit of giggles. I felt myself suddenly annoyed. Somehow I unconsciously pushed Emily. Not hard but she fell onto the bushes anyway. Santana and Rachel ended their hug and moved their eyes towards us, "I can't even…" Santana didn't finish her sentence. I'm thinking maybe she was worried that Emily was lost inside the bushes. They were pretty tall after all. "Are they…?" Rachel started to ask, taking a peak at the cousins. "They'll be fine," I finished. In an unexpected turn of events, Rachel hugged me. _What is air? I don't even… I can't… What is a thought? How you do you process it?_ Without wanting to be I was overwhelmed with the heavenly scent of angels, garden of roses, meadows of jasmine, and possibly what Dianna Agron would smell like that's the combination that swarmed my body and I just stood there. My body went limp at her touch. Holy awkward! I had my arms hanging frozen by my side while hers encircled my body. _**Shit…**_ It was kind of comforting. "Hopefully, I'll get to see you soon. Take Santana's offer on that tour of the city," she said, finally letting me go. Damn. "Yeah, you know anytime." Bam, she smiled again. I was a goner.

"Come on Q! Emily has splinters coming out of her ass," Santana yelled, pulling a still giggling Emily towards the front door.

"Coming," I yelled right back, "That's my cue to go. See you soon?"

"Yes, you most definitely will," Rachel replied, on her way back to the limo, "Quinn wait," she called out. She jogged back to where I was standing. She quickly took a pen out of her purse. _Is she...?_ "In case Santana fails to contact me. Here's my number. Don't hesitate to use it." She whispered the last part like it was some big ole secret. I gave her one last wave and ran inside my building.

I joined Santana and Emily who were waiting for me at the lobby. "So Q… let me ask you this," Santana started, "Tell me honestly, how was your night?" I grinned. "Well S… I'll tell you this. _O what a night, late December back in 2020. What a very special time for me. As I remember what a night!_"


	5. The Beginning of the End

**A/N: **Shout out to all my regular reviewers. I see you guys and I'm smiling at you all ;) Your words inspire me to write. Just a warning for those who are expecting Rachel and Quinn to fall in love asap I'm sorry but that won't happen. I'm trying to keep this love story as organic as possible with that said as always I don't own the characters or the shows. PS. Emily Fields is a character from the show Pretty Little Liars just in case no one else but me watches that show.

**Chapter Five: The Beginning of the End**

You know all those career fairs, sex education classes, and uplifting speeches given by some supposedly important person that they made you take and listened to in high school, remember those? Well you see the whole point of each was to inspire you so that you would grow up making good decisions right? Like in career fairs, they would set up all these booths in your gymnasium or auditorium to get you thinking about a career path. Little did they know that all you were there for were the freebies: free pens, notepads, yoyos, and candies. Same thing in sex education which I failed I'll just put that out there. In sex ed, you were supposed to learn how to be responsible when it came to sex. Because when I was in high school the number one worse case scenario that I had to worry about wasn't a failing grade or a new world war on the rise but a pregnancy or STD scare. But again, sex ed was also about the freebies. Free condoms till you retire so no one paid attention in that class either. Don't even get me started on McKinley's version of an uplifting speech because the only speaker McKinley's ever had was Sue Sylvester. Excluding her height, there was nothing else uplifting about Sue Sylvester. As you can see, with all that I was given to work with in my younger days I was totally set up for failure, almost. If I had grown into a person who was set to make bad decisions then I can just blame McKinley or Lima as a whole but I didn't. Though I got pregnant when I was only sixteen I was smart enough to learn from my failed experiences or so I thought.

"So what did we learn from last night's events," Santana asked, as she placed two cups of her hangover concoction on the island counter.

It was the next morning. Everything that had transpired the night before was just now sinking in. Barely. I was sitting on the bar stool watching Santana make a mess in my kitchen.

"What's in this again?" I asked holding up the drink before me.

Santana rested her arms against the counter shooting me a _you-don't-want-to-know_ look. In a bold moment, I didn't ask any more questions and just chugged the thing.

"That was vile," I said, giving the empty cup back to Santana. The stench was making me want to throw up. I've had enough of that this morning.

"Hey, don't knock my hangover cure. It gets the job done. You know it too."

It really did. As disgusting as it looks **Santana's Special Hangover Cure** always did the trick. "Yeah, I guess. But what I don't understand is how you don't have a hangover. Come to think of it you didn't seem all that drunk last night."

"That's because I wasn't count boozy."

I poked her left hand not registering what she just said, "What do you mean? I'm pretty sure you've had as much to drink as we did. I know you can hold your alcohol but I don't think you can hold it that well."

"Technically, I took all of the shots with you guys except," she paused, "Except that I didn't swallow. I spat every shot back into my chaser cup."

I retracted my hand from hers and brought it towards her chest hitting her not so light-heartedly, "You sneak!" I screeched. "You totally just wasted my money and not to mention a lot of tequila."

"You know instead of lecturing me you should be buying me bouquets of flowers or jewelry from _Zales_. Because if it weren't for me you would be wishing that the ground that you were standing on last night would have swallowed you whole. My soberness saved your ass from making a fool out of yourself with Berry."

That was true. If it weren't for her things could have gone so wrong last night. _Oh hell_. "Um. Fine. I'll give you a pass since you weren't a complete banshee last night."

"Oh baby, you know I only get like that in the bedroom."

Like clockwork Emily entered the room, "That's disgusting Santana. Quinn and I do not want to hear about your sexcapades. I get enough of that at home."

"Whatever. Here drink this," Santana said, sliding her hangover cure to Emily, "No questions. Just chug it."

"Work is going to be a pain today. Speaking of, we have twenty minutes to get ready," I said with my head down on the counter. I was not very convincing. Emily protested, "I love work and all. It pays the bills. But are you being serious right now? We can't function like this."

I lifted my head from the counter in agony, "We can't leave Mike at the shop all by himself. He already had to open by himself now come on. Shower and let's go."

"You two can shower together to save time you know," Santana suggested.

"That's not a bad idea. Come on Emily," I said.

Ever since Emily and I had met Santana has had this weird… fantasy I'm going to say for lack of a better word about us hooking up. She said that it would be explosive if we ever did. I don't usually humor her sick jokes but this morning I just went for it. So when I teased that showering with Emily was not a bad idea Santana looked awfully excited. For Emily's part, I don't think she was fully aware of what was going on so when I dragged her to my bedroom she had no complaints.

"Your cousin is a pervert," I said, throwing clothes at my half-asleep employee, "You can shower here. I'll shower at the other bathroom."

Emily grabbed the clothes I gave her and walked inside the bathroom, "You'll be ruining Santana's high if she sees you walk out of here right now," she screamed from inside the door.

"Oh well," I said, on my way out.

Getting to work was a journey. Emily and I were in no condition to drive so we decided to let Santana drive. Bad idea. Living in the city, sometimes you have to drive aggressively but Santana's idea of aggressive was down right masochistic. I feared for anyone who were driving or walking within the same vicinity as us. After two close calls, five people giving us the finger, and a screech we made it to work in one piece. Santana dropped us off to look for parking while Emily and I sluggishly moved inside the shop.

"Oh wow, what happened to you two?" Mike asked.

Mike Chang, another one of my trusted employee and oldie but goodie of a friend was busy cranking out lattes and stuffing mini-cupcakes into to-go boxes.

"You don't even want to know. How's business?" I asked rapidly changing the topic.

"Kind of slow. There's this X-game show at the Pier so everyone is over there," he replied, "But there have been phone in orders so I'm just preparing those."

"Awesome," Emily and I said at the same time. A slow day was good for our recovery. By the time Emily and I made it behind the counter Mike had finished the order. He set the order aside and draped two aprons over Emily and me. I've never been so thankful. He was such a gentleman.

"I take that I'll be doing most of the work today?" Mike asked, knowing full well of the answer. I felt so bad but he didn't seem to mind; always the trooper that one.

"I'm sorry Mike," I said, "I'll give you a raise on your next paycheck. I promise."

"Pssh. Not needed. We're friends. It's what we do homie. You guys work the counter and I will deal with the kitchen. This order right here," he said pointing to several boxes and cup holders on the counter, "Is up in ten and paid for. Name of the customer is on that post-it so just be prepared for that for the time being."

Mike vanished into thin air or into the kitchen. I don't know. I wanted to just roll over and die. I stared at the boxes in front of me, the smell of the lattes appealing to me. I was about to make myself a cup when Emily came out of the woodworks with two stools in hand. Standing was not ideal for us. Just when I was about to attempt to make myself a cup of latte I heard wind chimes.

"Make it stop," I said.

"Make what stop?" I heard someone say.

"The wind chimes," I said, not turning around from my place. I was going to have a latte hangover or not.

"Whatever you want Quinn," the voice replied.

"Thank you," I said appreciatively, turning on the steamer.

"Um…" Emily said. She sounded nervous. I wonder why? Oh, man how rude of me I didn't even asked if Emily wanted something to drink. Maybe that's why she sounded nervous. She never was too comfortable asking for favors.

"My bad Emily, did you want something to drink?"

I poured my drink onto a cup. Emily hadn't replied. Confused I turned around.

"Hey you."

I opened my mouth but nothing was coming out.

"I hope you don't mind me dropping in."

I stared at the wall behind the figure.

Emily then slapped my butt. There it goes. I was now awake.

"Rachel, what are you.. how… Umm.." I was rambling.

"I came to pick up my order. Is it ready?" She asked, walking slowly towards me.

I glanced at the purple post-it next to me, _Rachel Berry_, it read. The order was for Rachel! Boy, Mike's ass was toasted.

Speak of the devil, "Rachel!" Mike appeared out of the kitchen smoothly moving his way to Rachel. He lifted the tiny brunette from her feet and gave her a proper Mike Chang hug, pop lock and dropping it and then some. Mike was a damn good hugger. Rachel squealed as he spun her around. "It is so good seeing you again."

"It has been way too long," Rachel said, getting her bearings together after that Mike Chang embrace.

"Oh Mike," I sing-songed, "Why didn't you tell me that the order was for Rachel?"

Mike stuffed his hands into the pockets of his apron unaware of the hell that I' am about to bring upon him, "I didn't think it would matter?"

He didn't think that it would matter? Where has he been all of these years? Of course he knew! And it does matter.

"Order up," Emily said from behind me. She then handed Rachel two bags filled with her order.

"Thank you Emily. It's nice to see you upright this morning," Rachel teased.

"Ah-ha, yeah, last night was an embarrassment. Sorry you had to witness that," Emily said retreating into the back counter.

"Do not even worry about it. Everybody has his or her drunken moments I surely am guilty of that from time to time," she assured Emily, "Anyway, as much as I would love to stay I better get going. There will be a lot of angry crew members if they don't get their morning fill of cupcakes and lattes but I will see you all soon yes?"

"Count on in," Mike said chipperly.

"Definitely," Emily added. Rachel flashed her signature smile.

"Bye Quinn," she said walking out of the door.

As soon as Rachel was out of sight I felt two pair eyes on me. My friends are so predictable. Best make sure that I remind them that I'm too hung-over and am not ready for any berating.

"Could you be anymore more of a mute? You didn't even speak directly to her," Emily said.

"Seriously Quinn, I thought you were a stud what happened there?" Mike asked.

"Whoah, whoah. Back off. Please the both of you. Still hung-over here," I said sitting back into my stool.

"The hills are alive with the sound of music…" Santana sang, strutting into the shop, "Q, party next weekend at your place!"

"Whatta whatta?"

"Brittany just called me," she answered, phone still in hand, "She has two weeks off from tour and is coming to town. Best part is that Artcedes and Pucktina will also be rolling in so can you say GLEEK reunion?"

"Um, GLEEK reunion?" I said, trying my best to sound excited.

"Why do I feel another hang-over in the works?" Emily said next to me.

"Because next weekend, it's going down," Santana replied, making her way to the sample station, predictable much? "Also, I saw Rachel on my way in so I invited her. Hope that's cool Q."

"Oh that's just perfect."

_Could I have been more sarcastic?  
_

I don't know whether I should have been happy that the inquisition had stopped or completely terrified that another Santana Lopez party was in the works. In any case, _just breathe Quinn. Just breathe. It's going to be fine. Right?_


	6. Techno Kind of Love

**Chapter Six: Techno Kind of Love**

The Santana Lopez Party Train Extravaganza was on the go. I had exactly one week and a day to prepare myself for the train wreck that was about to wreck havoc on my life. The icing on the cake was when Santana told me that she invited Rachel. All of the times that I've tried to get Rachel out of my mind all seemed fruitless now. The more I tried the more it came at me at full force. It was as if I was fighting a losing battle. Maybe I was. This so-called crush that I've been harboring had never really faded. Maybe that meant something? I'm not too sure what it meant though and that's what had bothered me. I've been tripping myself over a person I don't even really know. It was just so complicated. I could admit it but I didn't want to yell it out of the top of my lungs. Maybe if I was to say it out loud it'll be different. Because from what I know, once you've said something out loud it made it _real_. It forced you to deal.

The moment after Santana announced of her party plans the shop got busy. Once the event at the pier ended the place was absolutely packed. By the end of the night Mike was so damn pissed at Emily and I, he played it cool though. Still working with a hangover Emily and I were basically of no use. Santana stuck to her word and stayed around to help but it didn't ease Mike at all. Emily had the case of the butter fingers and I was dead to the world. Poor Mike. Needless to say, it was madness. After closing, I promised Mike that I would take him to Chinatown for some all you can eat dim sum and the tab was on me. He was an easy person to please. He offered Emily and me a ride home, which we gladly accepted. Santana disappeared after the crowd had died down so she was useless. Once we closed shop I just wanted to be home.

You know when you are on your way home from a vacation or a long business trip and just completely over the mayhem that was commuting but you find yourself still sitting on your seat. So you're there just itching to get out of the plane, to be far away from the airport, to get in a car or cab or whatever and just go. But the moment you finally step foot in your house the mayhem of the commute falls back to the depths of the earth and everything falls into place and the essence of familiarity strikes you, _like home_. Even if you went to an amazing spa weekend there's just something about being in your own home that makes you feel warm, at ease and all kinds of relaxed. At least, that's how I felt every time I would turn the key and enter my condo. It was home. So after an exhausting day at work there was no other place I would rather be. I threw my coat on the coat rack as I sorted through my mail. I grabbed the remote from the coffee table and flopped down on my couch. It was a routine. Turn the key, enter, throw the jacket, walk to the couch, grab the remote, flop, and relax. But tonight, something or someone ruined havoc to my nightly routine. I was lying on my couch, flipping through the channels when I felt the buzzing in my pants. _A text_. Okay, maybe ruined and havoc were the wrong choice of words.

**I have a problem. –Rachel**

**Oh. Anything I can help you with? –Quinn**

**Maybe. –Quinn**

**Are you going to keep me in suspense all night? –Quinn**

**You see… I have been racking my brain as to why I cannot stop thinking about you. –Rachel**

**I'm sorry what? –Quinn**

**Yes, you see from the moment I've arrived here in San Francisco, of all the people I've met and re-met, you have been the only person that has been less than ecstatic to see me. My ego is immensely hurt Quinn. –Rachel**

**Haha. Seriously Berry? –Quinn**

**I would not joke about this. –Rachel**

**I don't know what to say or better yet I don't know what you want me to say. –Quinn**

**How about the truth? –Rachel**

**Okaayyy… It was really good seeing you again? –Quinn**

**Boo, was that all? The two times I've seen you… you were completely immobile. –Rachel**

**Truth? –Quinn**

**That'd be nice. –Rachel**

**Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you leave me speechless and slightly breathless? –Quinn**

**Just slightly? –Rachel**

**Rachel… -Quinn**

**Laugh out loud. I'm kidding. That was really honest of you if indeed it was the truth. –Rachel**

**Nothing but and "laugh out loud" seriously Rach? –Quinn**

**Hey, don't make fun of me. –Rachel**

**I'm not. I think it's cute. –Quinn**

**It's late. –Rachel**

**Yes, it is. You better get your sleep. A beauty like yours needs to be well rested. –Quinn**

**Are you trying to get rid of me Quinn Fabray? –Rachel**

**I'd never. YOU'RE the one who said it was late. –Quinn**

**I was just merely noticing the time. –Rachel**

**HAHA. If you say so but it is late and we should BOTH get some sleep. –Quinn**

**Goodnight Quinn. –Rachel**

**Goodnight Belle. –Quinn**

**Belle? –Rachel**

**Yeah, don't think about it just sleep. –Quinn**

It was that Friday night that started the non-stop Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray party hotline. Weird didn't even begin to describe the sudden line of communication that had opened between Rachel and me. The both of us were rather busy with me backed up with orders at the shop and Rachel still preparing for her show's opening night. Despite being busy we both _somehow_ found the time to get in touch with each other. Whether it was a text, a voicemail, or an e-mail we were always talking to each other. Now having an actual phone conversation was becoming extremely impossible. She and I were playing the longest game of phone tag.

_Hey! You've reached Quinn Fabray's voicemail. I'm sorry I missed your call but if you leave me a message I will get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks!_

_Quinn Fabray! You have been ignoring my phone calls! _

_Now, look who's doing the ignoring? Rachel Berry! I would never ignore you or your phone calls. I've been busy, I'm sorry. I tried calling you back earlier but I'm guessing you were at rehearsals. Anyway, call me back when you can._

_You were right in your assumptions. I was indeed at rehearsals, a rather long rehearsal. I'm sorry to hear about your busy schedule. I hope that you are taking good care of yourself. This city is surprisingly cold. Getting used to New York weather I thought that I'd be prepared for any kind of cold but this is just atrocious. _

_Aww. Berry, are you really worried about my health? Well have no fear I own a jacket. I own a couple of thick jackets actually. You know I think the cold comes from the bay. The water intensifies it. Stay warm and by the way this phone tag is getting ridiculous. I'm starting to think that your phone hates me. It probably ignores my call at first ring. You're breaking my heart Berry!_

_Do not worry Quinn for I have given my phone a stern talking to, PowerPoint presentation and all. I wouldn't want to break your heart. This is random but have you ever woken up from a really good dream and the moment your eyes is hit with the realization that you're awake you close your eyes at lightning speed just to try to get back to that dream but find out you never really could?_

_Well, that was a hell of a question! But I know what you meant. I've been having a lot of those lately. They can be frustrating. But you know if you really wanted to go back to that dream, why not make it a reality?_

_Hmm, That was an interesting idea. But I don't think I quite get what you meant by it._

_Oh Berry. I knew you were going to have me explain. Okay, here it goes. This is long by the way and it might just be me rambling for a while and I don't think it'll make much to no sense but anyway. So… Dreams they say are made up of our thoughts, fears, fantasies, and hidden desires. All of those things play out in our dreams because those are the thoughts that we try to escape from or the thoughts that haunts us. They're the fears that immobilize us, the fantasies that are out of our reach, and the hidden desires that we don't even know exists. They're all stuck in this dream world because in a sense they're what we think we can't have or shouldn't be worthy of. If we can't own up to them then what makes them real? If we were to accept the thought, the fears, the fantasies, and the desires then maybe they can flee out from the dream world and land onto our reality. If we were just to accept them all and face the fact that they're real then we can slowly do something about them. So you had this dream that you really wanted to get back to right? Whatever it was shouldn't be too far-fetched unless aliens and zombies were involved so I say ask yourself what made that dream a dream? Anything is possible Berry. Anything. Subconscious my ass and to quote this hottie I know "laugh out loud"._

_Quinn I must say that you have left me absolutely amazed. I'm flabbergasted. Anything I say can't compete with that. So for now, I shall say that more than anything I want to make that dream of mine a reality. _

The texts and voicemails were all… _nice_ and seeing Rachel Berry's face on my computer and phone screen weren't so bad but I was getting anxious and I can tell that she was too. It was one o'clock in the middle of the night on a Thursday when I found out just how anxious Rachel Berry could be.

"Tomorrow is Friday," Rachel reported from the other line.

"Well Rach, today is Friday," I replied, still wiping the sleep out of my eyes.

Thursday was another one of those hectic days at the shop. It was a whirlwind of customers. Lunch hour was on fire, like literally, Santana left her jacket a little too close to the oven while she was "helping" Emily in the kitchen and the whole lot of it caught on fire. To make matters worse, Mike called in sick; none of my other employees were available so I had to cover all shifts. By late in the afternoon, we were all exhausted but the customers still kept on coming. Don't get me wrong I'm glad for the business but I'm still recovering from last week's events. So when I was able to be home, in bed, and asleep by ten that was a real treat. I was cuddled in my comfortable queen size bed when I saw Rachel's name flashing on my phone. It was a no brainer. Late or not I was going to answer, which brought me back to this current conversation.

"Oh right. I'm sorry my head's been all over the place this week," she said sincerely.

"That's okay. I know how that goes. But umm… You know… Rach, don't take this the wrong way but is there a point to all of this Friday talk?" I asked.

I can practically hear her smiling on the other end, "Well… It's been one week since I last seen you. You have been quite stealth in avoiding all things me."

"You're funny," I laughed, "I haven't been avoiding you. The shop's been crazy. It's not like I haven't been in touch though. We're on the phone now aren't we?"

I heard shuffling in the background. She must be getting comfortable, "I know but I want more."

"Say what now?" I asked, sitting up. _I did not just hear that._

"I know I'm Rachel Berry. I know that but…" she paused, I could only assume that she needed more time formulating the rest of what she was trying to say, "But I haven't got many friends in this city. My cast mates are nice and all but a tad bit phony so the thought of spending time with them outside of the theater would be punishment for me. My schedule has been so exceptionally demanding that I just need a day out of my condo or the theater," she rambled.

At this point I was wide awake sitting against my headboard "Uh huh."

I heard shuffling again. Her sheets must be made out of 100% noisy. That thing tracked her every movement with a significant amount of noise, "Well I don't know how to say this without sounding like a complete loser."

My curiosity was now at an all time high. _When will she get to the point?_ "I won't judge. I might tease but I won't judge."

"I was wondering if I could take you up on that offer. You know that tour of the city, today, later on."

_There it goes_. "I don't know Rach. I don't think I can today with the shop and all. Have you asked Santana? Because that girl has free time, loads of free time."

Rachel Berry asking me to give her a personal tour of the city should have been an opportunity I was jumping to get but I was hesitant. I've admitted to myself that yes, I was attracted to Rachel. I like what she has shown me so far granted it's through the phone but still I liked. What more if I were to spend more time with her in person? I was worried about the repercussions of what a whole day of Rachel Berry could bring. It was one thing to be attracted to her and okay, maybe the butterflies were still there but there couldn't be more. _Could there?_

She paused for a minute after I propositioned Santana to take my place instead. Maybe she was considering it and I was off the hook, "But I want you Quinn."

"Say what now?" _That's the second time I've said that._

"I'm sure Santana wouldn't mind since she did offer but you're the one I had in mind. Please… just one day. And I know that we'll see each other Saturday night for the party but I just wanted a day where we can get to know each other again without the other GLEEKS. All this week we've been confined to the use of our phones and computer now it's time to take this relationship to the next level."

_Relationship? Next level?_ "Say what now?" _Third time now. Keep going Quinn. Real smooth._

"Are you okay Quinn?" she asked in a worried tone.

"Yeah, just umm. You know what… sure… sure Berry. Later it's on. We'll go out and do all the tourist things."

_I bet she was smiling now._ "Really? Are you sure-sure? I didn't guilt you did I?"

"Maybe a little but I don't mind. Later on we'll go and it'll be fun."

"Later it is then," she said, "I really do appreciate this. I've been going insane."

"No worries." _Tumbleweed_. "So…"

"So I suppose I should let you get some sleep?"

"You think?" I teased, "I do have this famous celebrity to tour around the city later on today. I wouldn't want to disappoint her with my hideous tour guide skills because I didn't get the proper amount of sleep."

"LAUGH OUT LOUD Fabray. But sleep is important so goodnight."

"Goodnight Belle."

"Wait… What's with…"

I interrupted her before further questions could be asked, "Don't ask. Just sleep. I'll see you tomorrow." And with that I clicked the end button.

_A whole day of Rachel Berry... in person. What have I gotten myself into?_


	7. Friday I'm In Love

**A/N:** Thanks thanks and hi hi to _ficslover, secrix, anon, haaithair, FaberryOTP, smashintoyou, wagner710, abigail86, asdx, and anon 1&2(_mom is that you?) lol. I'm sorry if I missed anyone. Thank you all for reviewing and the nice compliments xoxo.

**Chapter Seven: Friday I'm in Love**

_Off with your head_

_Dance, dance, dance 'til you're dead _

_Off, off, off with your head_

_Dance, dance, dance 'til you're dead_

_Off, off, off, with your head_

The alarm's song of choice for the morning was… _creepy_. I didn't read too much into it though. Nope, not at all because today was going to be a good day, I decided it last night after Rachel and I ended our phone call. Rachel had texted me her address at five o'clock in the morning, she said to drive over at my leisure. I took that as get your ass over here whenever you were ready. Since I set my alarm for six o'clock everyday I guess we were getting an early start. I got up brushed my teeth, took a quick shower, put on some casual clothes, and was on my way. On the way I had called Rachel telling her that I was on the road. Rachel's place was not too far from mine. It was located at a new upcoming posh village by the Bay Bridge; it was a _very nice_ neighborhood. I felt out of place just driving around the area. Less than fifteen minutes later, I was parked right in front of Rachel's building but before I could grab my cell phone to call her I heard a light tapping on my window. Surprise surprise there was Rachel Berry at my window holding two cups of what I assumed was coffee. I unlocked the doors and signaled for her to hop in.

"How did you know that I was already out here?"

"I was waiting at the lobby," she said in mid-struggle with her seatbelt, "When you called I knew that it wouldn't take long until you arrive so I thought that I'd save you the wait."

_She must have remembered where I lived. _"There's a button for that," I said, pointing at her seatbelt. "Here, let me."I leaned over the console, "You see this button does everything for you. The seatbelt adjusts to your body type automatically."

As her seatbelt adjusted, I felt the familiar warmth I had felt that night outside of the bar. Our faces were so close yet so far, if I were to move just an inch or two our lips would brush, I backed into the console back to my side of the car as her seatbelt locked.

"Thank you for that," she said, grabbing onto her seatbelt "And for this."

"What's this?" I asked.

"For taking the time out of your busy week to tour me around. I know that we've only established a semi-quasi friendship but…"

"Rachel…" I butted in but with a small smile. "There's really no need for all of that. It's my pleasure really. And as far as the history of our friendship or whatever it was back in Lima I think that we should just go with flow. Start new?"

"I think that is a marvelous idea Quinn."

"I know," I winked, "Just sit back and relax Rachel Berry because I got this."

_No I didn't._ When I drove off from Rachel's building I had no clear idea as to where I was driving off to. Although I had been living in this city for three years now I haven't done all of the tourist things since my college days. Never one with the plan, I figured that this needed to be an exception s as I drove I mentally mapped out our day. This was going to be a long day.

"You know I've been here many times before but usually in a service car. I have not actually stepped foot here. It really is beautiful."

Our day began at the South Vista Point View of the Golden Gate Bridge. The weather wasn't being too cooperative. _Darn you_. The Bay Area fog was looming so the visibility was poor but if you squinted just right you were able to see the sights that were worth seeing. From where we were we were able to see all of the middle and bottom part of the bridge, Alcatraz was to our right, and a bit of Fort Point was in view. Fun fact about Fort Point for the movie buffs, it was the location that was used in Hitchcock's film _Vertigo_. It was where that psycho Madeleine hurled herself into the water. _Crazy. _It was a fun fact that Rachel enjoyed learning.

"I'm sorry about the weather. Come to think of it though maybe you should get used to it. The weather around here is pretty bi-polar but more often than not it's like this," I said gesturing to the gloomy sky.

"I don't mind it. It's better than the snow," she said, shaking her head in disagreement, "California weather is a step up from New York weather."

"A step up? Definitely," I agreed. "Want to go down closer to the water? There are some cool sea creatures that lurk around there."

With a glimmer of excitement in her eyes Rachel rocked on her heels as she asked, "Like mermaids?"

"If you're lucky," I whispered making my way down the steep hill. I rolled down the hill easily, thank you to my Converse sneakers, while Rachel stood in her place, which was up the hill with her eyes casts downwards.

"What's wrong?"

"I... It's steep. This hill I mean. I'm coordinated but I don't want to give you the satisfaction of watching me fall into the Bay just in case I lose my footing."

_Was she being serious right now?_

"Oh come on Berry. We'll miss the first sight of sunshine if you keep lollygagging. Just drop and roll. I'll catch you," I joked.

If she really were to go through with it I'd have no problems with that. I'd get a real bang out of seeing Rachel Berry body sledding.

"Okay, fine stay put."

Not wanting to waste anymore time I took a step back and charged up the hill.

"Quinn, what did you do that for?"

"Hold my hand," I said out of breath. _I need to exercise more often_. After the embarrassment that was my heaving, I extended my hand for her to take.

Her eyebrows furrowed.

"I won't let you fall. Just take my hand. The sooner that you do the sooner we'll see the sunlight hit the bridge. That's too magical to miss. Oh and mermaids."

She swayed her right leg over her left grazing the dirt. A nervous habit perhaps. Before making her decision she took a deep breath, "Okay... Let's just take it slow."

"Of course. I wouldn't want your clumsiness to knock me down this hill too. So..." I waved my free hand in front of her face and stuffed the other in the right pocket of my jeans, "My hand is getting cold Berry. Any day now."

"Fine. I wouldn't want you blaming me for frost bites."

We made our way down the hill very slowly. Rachel insisted upon it. I was walking a little bit ahead of her using my weight to steady hers. When we made it to the safety zone also known as flat land I noticed that she hadn't let go of my hand. _Interesting_.

"Cold remember?" she said holding up our hands still clasped together.

"Riiigghhhttt. You know if you wanted to keep holding my hand there's no need to lie."

"So where are those mermaids?" she asked gazing out into the water obviously ignoring my comment.

"In your dreams Berry. In your dreams."

We spent two hours at South Vista watching the ferryboats, picking wild flowers, chasing after hermit crabs and waiting for the clouds to clear. By the time I checked the time it was already 9 o'clock.

"Breakfast time!" I announced. "Come on, I know this great vegan restaurant that serves tasty vegan meals and is not adverse to serving real and greasy meat either. It's a wim wim."

"A wim-wim?" Rachel mocked.

And… two hours later and we were _still_ holding hands… for heat purposes of course. "Shut up. So I have a lisp that pops out every now and then. No big deal," I said tugging her towards the parking lot.

"I don't think that was sigmatism or a lisp as you said Quinn but okay," she replied. _Humoring me much?_

I never ever had a lisp. I was just now conscious of our hand holding so I flubbed. When we finally reached my car I opened the passenger door for her. She gave my hand a light squeeze before letting go. It was almost immediate how much I missed the feeling of her hand in mine. _Fluff later, food now_.

* * *

"Just taste it!"

Another hour later, Rachel and I found ourselves in a heated but playful argument over our breakfast choices. I had ordered my usual of pancakes, hash browns, sausage, and extra bacon while my companion ordered something that looked like mashed greens.

"Rachel… see my plate here. It's filled with real food. Food that not only looks edible but is actually is edible. I know I said that they served tasty vegan meals here but it doesn't mean that I've tried nor want to try them. I only said that for you."

"So you won't even try it and you lied to me?" She asked thrusting her fork in my direction.

"No and Maybe," I smiled.

"It's actually flavorsome just take bite and you'll see."

"Not even a small bite. No, thank you."

"Please?"

"Nope."

"Pretty please?"

"Nah-uh."

"Party pooper."

"Nah, just stubborn."

"I can see that."

"Give up?"

"Never."

* * *

When I woke up this morning in the very back burner of my mind I had fully expected a day of suck. Sure, I had told myself that today would be free of _Quinnplications_ but as I've mentioned before good days for Quinn Fabray came rarely so imagine my surprise when the day was turning out to be a day of fun.

"Don't all the tourists bother the residents? We're practically walking on their driveways," Rachel asked, taking in the scene.

The next stop on our tour was Lombard Street. If you weren't familiar with Lombard Street then your thoughts were probably, "What's so special about a street?" Well buddy here's a kicker. Lombard Street, as far as I know, was the crooked-est street in the city. Cars piled up every day for the opportunity to drive down this bad boy. The actual road was in between residential houses and the road itself is narrow, the flow moving in a zigzag motion. It takes some skills to drive down with the narrowness and all. Santana almost killed Emily and I attempting the drive once and once was enough; she was soon banned from ever attempting that again.

"By now I think that they're used to it. I mean if it was that bothersome then they could move," I replied feet together hopping on a pathway step, "You know I watched that movie of yours where you played that bad ass lady skate boarder."

Rachel nodded, "Mmm, that was a fun movie to film."

"Do you see that tree right there?"

"What about it?"

"There's a skateboard hiding in there," I told her nonchalantly, "A year ago Mike and I hid his skateboard in there so whenever we were here and had the urge to…"

The conversation was now finally catching up to Rachel and judging by the look on her face, which could be described as a mixture of deer in the headlights and constipation, she was not keyed up to anything I was about to say.

"No way! Are you crazy?"

"Rachel, let me drop some knowledge on you," I chuckled, "Do you see how there are no cars driving down this road at this very moment? This does not happen too often. I think it's a sign."

"I think it's a sign that you have lost your mind. There is absolutely no way we are skate boarding down this road," she said defiantly.

We had stopped in our stride the moment she had caught up to what I was suggesting. She stood with her arms on her hips looking tall. Only looking tall because she was three steps above me.

"Okay, first off WE are not skating down this road. You are. I will be down there watching. Besides we are halfway down. It'll be fast. Also, I double dog dare you."

"Quinn Fabray!" I heard her gasped. "That is not a fair deal. Why do I have to do it and you don't?"

I took a step forward staring her down. Full of confidence I gazed at her, directly and intently, with desire in the hopes that she'd melt under my too gorgeous for words hazel eyes, with gold specks on the rim by the way. _Low Fabray, that's just low. _I saw the healthy consideration traveling in those milk chocolate eyes of hers. I took another step, slowly but not seductively, _no _that'd be too cruel if I did. She wouldn't stand a chance. _Confident much?_

"Fine."

"Mmm?"

"I said fine I would do it. Now hurry and get the board before I change my mind."

"Yes, Ms. Berry!"

_I can't believe that actually worked! _I sprinted passed the rose gardens, bushes, and mailboxes jumped to get the skateboard and ran back to a waiting Rachel.

"Here you go." I handed her the skateboard. "I'll see you down there," I said practically bouncing off the steps as I walked, "Oh, and Rachel you're sooo badass," I said smugly.

Rachel waited until I found my place at the bottom of the road. _This was unreal_. I could not believe that I had convinced Rachel Berry to go a long with one of my ruse. The fact that she was now on the board approaching me like the second coming made it all too real; it was nothing short of amazing. Her hair whiplashed against her face, the look of excitement mixed with terror she was sporting was hilarious, and she was riding that skateboard _like a boss_. _Maybe I wasn't going to get a beating after this? _The screeching of the backboard hitting the pavement attracted unwanted attention from the pedestrians. Out of nowhere this man was standing next to me watching Rachel break to a stop.

"Is that Rachel Berry?"

I turned to face him uninterested, "Yup."

Once she got the board to come at a complete stop she kick flipped it and held it by its edge. "Oh my goodness Quinn. I can't believe that I just did that!"

"I can't either to be honest."

Noticing the man next to me Rachel diverted her eyes to him, "Well hello."

"Hi," he said nervously, "I can't believe I just seen Rachel Berry skateboarding down my street. I read on the papers that you moved here which is so cool by the way…"

_This dude. _Rachel must have been used to this kind of love struck treatment. She waited patiently and was listening attentively as the man gave her a lecture on all of the things that he found "awesome" about Rachel Berry. I remained in my positioned letting the two have their moment. The man finally got the courage to ask for an autograph and a picture. I took the picture of the lovely couple _of course._ Rachel gave him a goodbye hug and poof he was gone.

"I'm sorry about that."

"Don't even. It comes with the job. I understand."

"So where to next?"

"Mmm," I pondered. "It's still early how about we just take a drive. Grab lunch on the way then take it from there?"

"Sounds splendid."

* * *

The evidence of the day being a workday was in abundance as we drove down the financial district. Men and women in business suits littered the street talking onto their headsets with briefcases in hand. Powell and Market Street were bustling with shoppers, protestors, and street performers. Rachel sat in her seat, listened and took note as I pointed out my favorite places to eat and shop, the garbage can that Santana threw up on after partying too hard, the fountain Emily swam in this one hot summer, and the pole that got Mike arrested.

"Mike really got arrested?"

"Oh yeah, that pole got the show of its lifetime. Mike Chang has some sexy moves. So sexy it's apparently not legal so he got arrested for public indecency."

We spent two hours putting my car to work driving up and down those San Francisco hills that Rachel liked so much. If she was in a car then the steepness of any hill was in her words, "completely acceptable," even if it appeared like death on a plate. If she only knew how much I hated, really-really hated driving around the city, but the sheer joy she illuminated took the pain right out of driving. My car got a much-needed break after Rachel proposed that we take a breather. _Thank god._

"Have you ever stolen something before?" Rachel asked as we sifted through the bargain bins in this hole in the wall souvenir shop.

"Uh… Yeah, when I was younger. Back home Brittany, Santana, and I stole candies from _Pops' Candy Store_ on a regular basis."

"That wasn't very kind Quinn."

"Well Pops wasn't either."

"Good point."

"What's with the guilt trip anyway?" I joked.

"I haven't stolen anything before," she said quietly.

"Okay… Are you planning a heist or something?" I said teasingly.

"Maybe…"

The day of driving was catching up to me. I was yawning all over the place. I was completely content with letting Rachel just shop on her own but then something caught my eye. On the bottom of the box that I was sifting through was this tricked out snow globe that had to have my attention. This snow globe was huge, the size of Rachel's head, to match the Rachel comparison it was even bedazzled in gold rhinestones. The figurines, if that's even what they're called, looked like… a pimp and a hoe. _Seriously_. It took both hands for me to hold it up. When I shook it gold flakes swished through the water. _That's different_. I turned it around and saw a tiny knob. Curious I twisted. Upon my release the cramped space that we were in was suddenly filled with the music of Lil Jon's "Get Low"

_3,6,9 damn your fine move it so you can sock it to me _

_one mo time_

_Get low, Get low _

_To the window (TO THE WINDOW), to the wall, (TO THE WALL)_

_To the sweat drop down my balls (MY BALLS)_

_To all these bitches crawl (CRAWL)_

_To all skeet skeet motherfucker (MOTHERFUCKER!) _

_all skeet skeet god damn (GOT DAMN)_

_ To all skeet skeet motherfucker (MOTHERFUCKER!) _

_ all skeet skeet god damn (GOT DAMN)_

_Good lord_. "Quinn!" Rachel panicked. "I'm sorry!" I yelped, speedily disposing of _that_ thing. All of a sudden I felt all eyes on me. _Damn you Lil Jon!_ Rachel was smirking, the other customers were laughing, and ahhh all was right in the world, my world. Clearly the snow globe episode was part of the diversion that the universe had concocted for Rachel's _maybe well not so maybe heist_. After the music had faded and when the color returned to my face my senses kicked back in and in time too because just then I saw Rachel stuffing something small and shiny inside of her coat pocket. _She's paying for that right? _

I looked back to where the sales lady was chatting with another customer. "Rachel, what are you doing?" My eyes were going nuts bouncing back and forth from Rachel to the sales lady.

"Doing something I haven't done before."

"Rachel!"

_Nope. Bad move Fabray. _Rule number one when it comes to stealing with friends. Be aware of your surrounding at all times. Rule number two, don't scream your friends name while in the act. Rule number three, run when they run. As if we already didn't look suspicious with my eyes darting about like I was scoping out the place and now with Rachel running we really looked like some petty thieves. Well Rachel was…

"Hey!" I heard the lady yell.

_Shoot! Run fool run!_

Like a teenage boy caught in the act of having sex by the girls parents, I ran out of that store _fast _leaving a smoke trail behind_. _Naked if I had to. Once I was sure that the sales lady's voice was now just a faint noise in the background I stopped running. _Where in the world was Rachel?_

"That was exhilarating!"

_You're dead Rachel Berry._

I shook my head in disbelief, "Rachel, what were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that I never stole anything before."

"And you decided that today was the day to do so?"

"Yes, because I know that you wouldn't let anything happen to me," she replied, poise and seriously.

I arched an eyebrow, not really sure on what to say. I then began tapping the bridge of my nose with my index finger, tapping it as if I was in a deep thought when in reality I wasn't in the state where I could even form a simple sentence. If I were to try it'd probably be a run on. _Oh to be young and stupid. _

Finally deciding to speak, "What did you steal anyway?"

"This." She took her hand out of her coat pocket and produced a heart shaped magnet of I LOVE SF.

"You see they're magnetized to fit together. There's two parts. This half of the heart is yours and this half is mine." Without any hesitation she took my left hand and placed my half of the heart right on top of my palm.

"Something to remember the day by. Don't lose it okay?"

I enclosed the piece in my hand, tightly grasping it, "I won't," I assured her.

* * *

The day came and went and now darkness was upon us. Rachel and I had spent the whole day lost in our bubble. Since this morning we had developed a steady rhythm of flirtatious banter. The last stop on our tour was Twin Peaks. It was the perfect backdrop to end our night with. For those who don't know, Twin Peaks was at an elevation of over 900 feet, in other words, it was high and the view of the city was panoramic, romantic if this was a date. You had a view of the city and its neighboring cities in all angles. Tonight Twin Peaks and the weather must have come to an agreement because tonight they worked in tandem in favor of a clear night sky. From our stance, the stars shined brightly along with the city lights that were before us.

"How did you, Santana, Mike, and Emily all end up here?"

"Hmm… Well I went out here for school and just stayed. Umm… Santana went to USC. Mike and Emily went to UCLA. Long story short after graduation they all decided to move here. Santana was offered a job that she couldn't pass up. Emily tagged along. Mike applied for an apprenticeship or something at some prestigious SF dance studio so here he is. It just worked out that way."

"It must be nice to have good friends around."

"It is. I mean they're a nuisance most of the time but I couldn't make it here without them."

We have been exchanging random life stories with each other for the better part of the hour. Before we knew it dinnertime drew near but the smart woman that I' am had already planned out a little _something-something._

"How's your dinner?"

"Perfect. Well thought out."

"Oh I know," I said proudly.

On the way to Twin Peaks I had met up with an employee of mine whom I paid a stupid amount of cash to order, pick up, and prepare dinner for Rachel and I. It was money worth spent because the food was great and she even included little knickknacks like a blanket for Rachel and I to lie on while we ate and did I mention the tea light candles? She did well.

"I have to say that you really surprised me today Quinn."

"What do you mean?"

"Well… the times we've seen each other you've been nothing short of catatonic. I was beginning to think that I had offended you in some way."

"Oh... No… Well…. You see… Wait, I told you already. Speechless and breathless remember?"

"And why is that by the way?" she asked, her tone laced with seriousness.

"Because… Because you're Rachel Berry. Your presence alone can cause an uproar of flailing and unconsciousness."

_That sounds like a legitimate reason, good job Quinn. I knew you had it in you._

"You're yanking my chain aren't you?"

"A little bit yes."

I smiled at her affectionately as I gathered our dinner scraps to throw in a nearby trashcan. I chucked the plates and utensils back inside the picnic basket and gathered the faux tea light candles that surrounded the edges of the blanket. Rachel was up stretching and wiping herself down making sure she was free of any food scraps. Her low-rise denim jeans were getting lower and lower as she bended. _Look away Fabray don't be a pervert_. Against my better judgment I continued watching while Rachel contorted her body, this and that way, as she stretched. _Man, she's flexible_. I don't know how it happened but I was frozen. Rachel was a sight of sexy beauty. I have seen her made up before numerous times in high fashion magazines and etc but there was something about this moment that knocks all of the other times right out of the park. This was _real_. _She_ was real. I shook my head of all impure thoughts and focused at the view. I gave myself another minute before walking back to a waiting Rachel. She was sitting with her legs sprawled out in front of her, her back arched and her arms resting palms down on the blanket. She had her head back, her hair rustling with wind, and her eyes were closed. A smile crept on her face as I sat cautiously down next to her. Comfortable with the silence we sat in peace just enjoying the moment. Following Rachel's lead and I closed my eyes to let the darkness fall over me.

"The last time I saw you was when I went back home for Christmas vacation. I was getting out of my car when I saw you holding your nose up because it was bleeding. I walked towards you but you ran before I could check if you were okay."

_What did she just say? Open your eyes!_

"Oh my gosh you saw that?"

"Yes."

"I didn't think you noticed."

"I notice you."

_Well I'll be damned. _

"You really have to stop doing that."

"Doing what?"

"Leaving me speechless."


	8. The Morning After, The Night Before

**Chapter Eight: The Morning After, The Night Before**

"So how was your date?"

Santana asked midst of helping herself to my breakfast but god forbid I ever laid a fork or finger in her plate of food she would chop my hands off instantly.

"It wasn't a date and how do you even know about it? I only told Emily and I know she did not tell you." I said, snatching my plate back.

"Hello, Rachel gave you her number. You didn't give her yours. Who do you think gave her your number? The booty call fairy?" she snapped, snatching my plate right back.

"Well played S. Well played."

At that point, I had given up on my plate of breakfast and settled for orange juice.

"Yeah, yeah I know now how was it?" she pressed on whilst enjoying my eggs.

"It was fine."

"Just fine?"

I shrugged, "How else was it supposed to be?"

"Uh, I don't know? Fucking fantastic? Out of this world? I can't even describe in words because it was just so damn indescribable? Something along those lines," Santana ridiculously offered.

"Meh."

Santana slid my _empty_ plate back at me, "What the hell is meh?"

_This bitch_. "Meh, get out of my business. I said it was fine. Meh, we need to go run these errands soon. Meh, you're drinking spoiled milk. Meh, it was so fucking out of this world fantastic that fine and meh were the only words I could conjure to even try and describe the indescribable day and night I spent with Rachel. How was that S?"

"Just wanky Q. Just wanky…"

"So is that milk," I said, staring at her milk glass.

Santana, disgusted, poured the milk down the sink, "I hate you so much."

"You'll get it over it."

Tonight's main event was the Santana Lopez's Party Train Extravaganza. It was supposed to be a night dedicated in reuniting old friends but something told me that there was more to this party that Santana was letting on. The morning of the party Santana came over to steal my breakfast and talk plans. I gave her the two hands in the air, "Hold up" sign and told her that she was to do everything since it was her idea. The good friend that Santana was told me to, "Yeah right" and asked if I wanted to drive to the grocery store or should she. There was a lot to be done. That lot I left up to Santana. After buying the necessities for the party, liquor and food, I left Santana at my condo and went to work. Puck and Tina had arrived the night so this morning I had texted the duo telling them to join Santana in the preparation for the party because a one Santana Lopez alone in my condo sprouts a migraine in my brain. Artie and Mercedes' flight gets in later in the afternoon so by the end of this day and the start of the night there would be an alcohol induced GLEEK reunion.

At work, Emily and Mike were holding down the fort. I came in later than usual and went straight to my office. Emily popped in to see if the world was ending because according to her I never go straight to my office unless an apocalypse of a situation was happening. I told her that everything was sort of fine and that I just needed to get some paperwork done. _LIES! _Well not really, I did need to do a lot of paperwork actually, not some but a lot, but a nameless brunette was occupying my time and all of my mind that getting any work done was futile. You see what I mean. Just when I was getting in the groove, my cell phone went off with a text.

**So what should I wear to the party –Rachel**

Of course it was Rachel! She and I have been non-stop texting since our day of fun around the city. Just friendly texting of course because we're _just friends_. I read her message and my mind immediately went to the gutter. I scratched my head trying to think of a PG response to Rachel's text but _dag nab it_ I couldn't.

**Less clothes the better? –Quinn**

**I'm being serious Quinn –Rachel**

**Who says I wasn't? –Quinn**

**If you keep talking like this I might think that you're flirting with me –Rachel**

**HAHA. Maybe… -Quinn**

**So you are? –Rachel**

**I said maybe. Take it however you want to. –Quinn**

**Fine. I take it as you're flirting with me so HA! –Rachel**

**;D so what time are you coming to the party? Did you need a ride? I don't know if you have a car or a car service or a horse driven carriage to take you. –Quinn**

**Such a charmer you but yes I will have a ride provided for me so no need to worry. I will make my appearance after rehearsals. –Rachel**

**It's not a red carpet ordeal Rach. Just pop up whenever okay? –Quinn**

**I will do just that… Asdfghjkl. I miss you. –Rachel**

_She said what now?_

**I'm sorry I must have misread that. Can you repeat that once more? –Quinn**

**I MISS YOU ) –Rachel**

**Okay, now I definitely read that right. I miss you too Rach –Quinn**

**Good. Now, get back to work and I will see you later –Rachel**

_That girl really knows how to brighten my day._ I sighed and sunk into my chair. Today, I wasn't going to get any work done Rachel had killed any ideas that I was entertaining that pertained to any production that might have taken place. All I could think of after her last text was what she was going to wear to the party and if she would take my suggestion of the less clothes the better. _Tonight was going to be epic._

By 9:30 the party was well on its way. Mike had set up his sound system and was the DJ for the night. Santana had actually done a good job with the preparation. The island in the kitchen had an assortment of finger foods and with the help of Puck, they turned my computer table into a make shift bar. Emily and Mike had invited some of the other employees they had shared the same shift with that day. The GLEEKS and employees coexisted peacefully so I was not complaining. At around ten o'clock Rachel had texted me that she was on her way which was perfect because I was getting sick of all the "when is Rachel coming?" questions.

"Hey Q! When is Berry getting here?" asked an already intoxicated Santana.

"You smell like you jumped into a pool of vodka S back away," I said, scrunching up my nose in disgust.

"Tina spilled her drink on me jeez."

Upon hearing her name Tina joined Santana and I in the kitchen. I was tidying up a bit. I mean, I couldn't let Rachel see my place in shambles.

"I heard my name, what's going on?" Tina inquired.

"Nothing," I replied throwing the empty cups at the trashcan. Tina and Santana shrugged and proceeded to go on with their conversation. A couple of minutes later the kitchen, my sanctuary during these parties, was now loaded with bodies. All the GLEEKS with the addition of Emily must have gotten a memo that read, _at 10:22 congregate in the kitchen and distract Quinn from anything productive thing she might be doing._

"Everybody, everybody, can I get your attention," Puck called out, "I just wanted to say that tonight has been cool, real _cool_. It's great to be around old friends once again and let's give a round of applause to our hostess Quinn Fabray. Baby mama, you did good babe."

_Hmm. Since when did Puck do speeches? That's so not Puck._ Puck's peculiar behavior left my mind as soon as my eyes met Rachel's from across the room. _When did she get here? _The kitchen soon became empty as everyone migrated to where Rachel was. Everyone took turns in hugging the party newcomer. The other party guests also known as my employees just stood in the corner awkwardly gawking. Emily waved them over for an introduction with Rachel saving me in doing the deed myself. While everyone swarmed the brunette I stayed put in the kitchen just watching the different interactions taking place. I'm sure that it has been a while since any of the other GLEEKS has seen the big time star so I had let them be _for now_.

Come to think of it, after college I don't think anyone really stayed in touch with Rachel. After high school she sailed for New York and never looked back. She and Finn ended their relationship before her first year and after that Rachel fell out of everyone's personal radar. We'd hear bits and pieces of how she was doing when we went home from break but no one really knew what was going with Rachel in New York. The first reliable source that affirmed Rachel's status was when she was cast in some big blockbuster film produced and directed by James Cameron. Sam was very excited at the prospect that Rachel was casted for another one of those _Avatar_ sequels. Other than seeing her on a television or projector screen, we never saw Rachel back home for the holidays or any other day, those screens was as close as we got to be near her.

Lost in my own thoughts I became unaware of an approaching Rachel Berry, "Hey you. Sick of me already that you couldn't even greet me?" She said teasingly.

Pretending to think, I tapped my chin.

"Don't even try to crack a joke Fabray because just this afternoon you were telling me that you missed me."

I raised my eyebrows in shock.

"Thought so now are you just going to stand there or are you going to offer me a drink?"

I could only grin. Rachel was my own kryptonite. If I had tried to speak at that moment I would have only choked on air and that would have salted my game. At the same time though I couldn't let her know that she had rendered me speechless yet again.

"See that over there," I said calmly, "That right there is the bar. Help yourself to anything Ms. Berry."

Not one to be outdone Rachel only nodded her head but through her eyes I could see the thoughts forming, _scheming_. No matter what happened I instructed myself to stand strong. _Do not buckle Quinn, I repeat do not buckle or so help me…_ Before I could complete my inner thought I felt an invasion coming.

"That's too bad Quinn," Rachel whispered against my ear.

_Why hello… when and how did you get here? _

"I usually get friendly with the person who makes my drink," she continued, "Too bad that won't be you."

_Have mercy! Buckle now Quinn, I repeat buckle now!_

"Rachel! Get your sexy ass over here," Mercedes shouted from the bar area.

"Looks like I'm wanted elsewhere," Rachel leered, "Come find me later when you're feeling cooperative."

If fainting were an option I would have fainted right there on my kitchen floor, faint, yeah I would have fainted because that right there, what Rachel did just about made me want to lose consciousness. As she walked away, that's when I got a real good view of her party attire. Dressed in an oversize cut up grey sweater (that accentuated her breasts, cleavage anyone?), black tights (that accentuated her ass), and hooker boots Rachel was giving the party guests a prime view of her god given assets. She worked the room prancing around chatting from one guest to another and I swear that her selection of which songs to dance to was highly motivated as to which song would further put me into unconsciousness.

"Rachel looks hot!" Artie broadcasted.

"Hell fuck yes she does," Puck agreed.

"I'm totally attracted to Rachel Berry," Tina declared.

"Girl, I think I' am too," Mercedes added.

"Get it baby!" Santana shouted at Brittany who was on top of _my _coffee table dancing _very closely_ to Rachel.

_For fuck sake! Is everyone here pining after Rachel? Damn. Shit. Fuck. Language Quinn Fabray! Oh shut up. _

No, I was not jealous. No way! Quinn Fabray does not get jealous, she gets even.

"Emily!"

"What?"

"Dance with me," I ordered, practically dragging her to where everyone else was dancing.

"Okay okay," she said flustered. Too caught up in my plan I had failed to notice that I had dragged Emily whilst she was taking a sip of her drink. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Rachel eyeing us as we made our way to the dance floor. 112's "Anywhere" echoed through the walls, Emily began to develope a look of fright as she listened to the lyrics of the song. I leaned over, tucked her hair behind her ear, "Just dance Em," I smiled shyly.

I bit my lip as she started swaying to the slow beat of the music. _Emily Fields you undercover exotic dancer, check out your moves. This is a new side of you. I like…_

"Whoah! Q! Em! The fuck is this?" Santana yelled from the kitchen.

"The fuck is that?" Mike voiced.

"That's so hot," Brittany added while fanning herself.

Their voices faded into oblivion as I maintained my focus on a grinding Emily Fields. _For heavens sake, abort mission Quinn, abort now! Now! Right now! This is getting too... So hot! So very hot! _

Emily had her arms snaked around my neck pulling me close to her body each time the lyrics called for it. I felt the temperature of the room rising off the charts as she grinded onto my body. The gyration of her body, every bit of swinging-swaying of her hips as she fitted her body against mine, reverberated all over my body.

_I love the way your body feels _

_On top of mine so take your time _

_We got all night _

_Girl, you know I like it slow _

_And I know you like it too, baby _

She had let go of her strapping grip to steady my shaking hands that were around her waist, "Just relax Quinn. It's just a dance."

_Please don't stop I feel it now _

_You feel it, too _

_You're shivering _

_Ooh, you put me close to you _

_Just let it flow _

_There's no other place to go_

I gulped, "Oh okay".

_We can make love in the bedroom _

_floating on top of my waterbed _

_I'm kissing you _

_Running my fingers through your hair _

_In the hallway _

_Making our way beside the stairs _

_We can do it anywhere... _

_I can love you in the shower _

_Both of our bodies dripping wet _

_On the patio we can make a night you won't forget _

_On the kitchen floor _

_As I softfully pull your hair _

_We can do it anywhere, anywhere..._

The song was coming to an end before I had the chance to fully enjoy the private dance session that Emily was performing for me. Once the song ended, Emily laughed. _You're fired Fields so fired! _

"Encore!" Puck screamed.

"I second that motion," Artie consented.

I coughed their suggestions away and exited the dance floor while I was still able to do so. A Top 20 bubbly song of the week came on the speakers and that got everyone back on the dance floor. I sat on the couch by my lonesome. There was no deliberation on whether I should have stayed on the dance floor or not. One peep show was enough for the night. I watched as my guests danced and drank. I let my eyes roamed the room, not really looking for someone, just exercising. _You're exercising your eyes? Really? You're a moron_. Mid exercising my eyes landed on a smiling Rachel staring seductively, no not seductively just keenly at me. I patted the spot next to me as a way to call truce to this non-verbal torturous game we were playing for the night. She flashed her best rainbows and unicorns smile as she walked towards me.

"That was quite a show you put out there," she said, as she sat down.

"I can say the same about yours," I replied, "You and Brittany really?"

"You and Emily?"

"Are just friends," I concluded.

"Just like Brittany and I."

"Okay then," I countered.

"And what are we?"

_Systems failure. Crashing. Reboot reboot!_

To buy time I took a long sip of my drink. The warmth of the alcohol was spreading through my body like wild fire. I was going to take another sip to buy more time but it did not work because Rachel was now full body facing me waiting for an answer. _Son of sandwich! Speak dude speak now or forever hold your peace!_

"We are who we are."

_Oh damn. Kee-$-HA is that you?_

She squinted her eyes, opened her mouth-closed it, and then shook her head, "Never mind forget I asked," she said frustrated. _Was she angry? _

"Rachel wait!" I called out but I was too late she had already stormed off to another section of the party.

What is going on here? The last time I checked Rachel and I were just friends who occasionally flirted with each other but tonight I felt as if there was more to everything Rachel had said to me, like every word was corded with an under meaning. Laying my head on the armrest of the couch I came to the conclusion that this party was toying with my emotions. What more can happen now?


	9. Two Weeks Notice

**A/N: **JEEEESSSSUUUUUSSS you guys are great! Thank you for the kind reviews. I'm still kind of drained from all of the crying from last night's episode, oh Santana, anyway excuse any mistakes my eyes were blurred with tears as I was typing this.

**Chapter Nine: Two Weeks Notice**

_All I know is that you're so nice_

_You're the nicest thing I've seen_

_I wish that we could give it a go_

_See if we could be something_

The emptiness that flooded through my body was evident, inescapable at its best. The presence of it was too overwhelming to ignore. In trying not to let myself feel the emptiness I just made myself more aware of it. It's a common occurrence for me. The more I try to escape a quicksand would appear and trap me, suffocating me through the use of my own emotions. The instant Rachel left my side a quicksand appeared and I was trapped yet again. In dealing with my own woes I forgot to consider Rachel's feelings in this delicate situation that we were in. When I was sure that she had let out some of her steam I made the decision to erase all of my escape plans and face whatever this was straight on. I sauntered to the dining area where Rachel was chatting with a couple of our friends. _Don't take no for an answer Quinn, whatever she says no is not an option._

"Rachel can we please talk?" I pleaded.

"Not now Quinn, can't you see that I' am in the middle of a conversation. It will be very rude if I just leave."

"Tina, Mercedes, and Mike, would you guys mind if I borrow princess Rachel for a quick chat?" I asked, rolling my eyes at the ridiculousness of the situation.

"Um sure," Tina spoke for the group.

I nodded my head in thanks and squeezed myself between bodies to get through to my room. Rachel followed me warily. On the way, she made sure to mumble what an inconvenience this interruption was to her night. We got to my room and I closed the door behind us. I instructed her to sit on the bed, which she begrudgingly agreed to. I was pacing the floor unsure of where or how to start.

"Why have you been avoiding me all night? Are you mad?" I questioned.

"I haven't been avoiding you and no I' am not mad," she responded uninterested.

"Lies and more lies," I took a deep breath calming myself down, "Rachel, I'm sorry if I did something to upset you," I finished sincerely.

"I hate it when people apologize and they don't even know what they are apologizing for."

I threw my hands in frustration, "Ugh! What do you want me to say? I don't understand where all of this is coming from!"

"And you think that I do Quinn? I'm as clueless as you are."

I looked up at the ceiling praying that the answers would come to me. I took a step back from the bed, closed my eyes and practiced breathing evenly. The moment I opened my eyes they fell on Rachel. Any selfish thoughts flew out of the window as I surrendered to those shimmering eyes filled with unshed tears. There she sat on my bed, playing with her hands on her lap, twisting them anxiously, her eyes loaded with complete confusion.

"Hey hey, don't cry," I cooed, "Come here," I said, taking her into my arms. As I sat down next to her I felt her body molding into mine.

"I'm an emotional mess," she sobbed onto my shirt.

"Don't worry so am I," I assured her, "Um… How about we just start with telling each other how we feel? I think that's the first step from what I've seen in movies."

"Oh Quinn," she laughed lightly, "I honestly wouldn't even know where to start."

Using the tip of my thumbs I wiped away the tears that were now leaving tracks on Rachel's face.

"How about I start?" I offered.

"If you'd like."

"Okaaayy… Well… To start all of this flirting that's been going on between us has certainly caused some major damage in my already damaged head," I let out in one breathe, "It's been back and forth. I mean, I know why I'm doing it but I'm a bit surprise as to why you respond the way that you do. As far as I know you're not into…" I ended unsure that I could've finished saying the last words.

She sat up entangling herself from my hold, "Are you?"

"Yes," I replied not missing a beat.

"Oh?" Was all she could muster, "Since when?"

"Since the end of senior year of high school. I guess… I don't know. I pay no mind to it. I go for whoever my heart beats for."

"That's a nice philosophy in theory but I don't think it's all that full proof," she doubted.

"But it works for me," I explained, "Look, I don't want to go into a whole sob story about how I came to terms with my sexuality. The whole point of this talk is to discuss us and whatever it is that's been going on between us."

"And what exactly is going on between us Quinn?"

"A lot of confusion? Frustration? Complications?"

"Well I'd say."

"I like you Rachel," I blurted out, "I have for a while. I'm not too sure of anything else but all I know is that when I see you I can't help but smile, its automatic. When I get a text or a voicemail from you I'm doing backflips. When you get close I literally can't breathe. I have a hard time thinking when you're around, I go mute and spastic well I don't have to tell you you've seen it in play. I'm sick of trying to analyze my feelings. All I know is that they're there. You kind of make me feel all gooey inside."

"Gooey?" Rachel giggled quietly.

"Yup, gooey and sappy. Berry you are turning me into a sad lovesick puppy. It's pathetic," I pretended to complain.

"It's been like two weeks," she stated, "How is it possible to have feelings for someone in just two weeks?"

"Well in fairness like I've said I've had feelings for you for a while now but hey two weeks yeah? I must be more charming than I thought," I joked, "But joking aside, I'm not going to dictate you on how you should feel. Someone once told me that when it comes to gauging your own emotions you shouldn't read too much into it. Don't question it, just go with it."

Rachel listened as she sat on my bed unmoving and quiet. Two characteristics that I did not know she had inherited. But then again, I was dealing with a whole new Rachel. She wasn't the same trout mouth Rachel Berry from high school.

"I'm sorry Quinn," she began as she got up from the bed, "Things are just so all over the place for me. I can't deny the attraction that I have for you which is evident with all of the flirting that has taken place. Talking to you is easy and comfortable but in my life nothing is ever easy and my life is not meant for comfort."

Willing my body I pushed myself off the bed reaching out for her hands, "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I don't know what I'm getting myself into but more importantly you don't know what you're getting yourself into by being with me. Quinn, your life from what I've seen of it is the kind of life I wish to have but if you were to be with me your whole life would change and I can't say that it will be for the best. I'm just so sorry for taking it as far as I did."

_That was a well-rehearsed speech. She couldn't even look me in the eyes as she spoke. _This wasn't the Rachel from high school, no not at all. She wasn't the same Rachel I met two weeks ago outside of the bar. This person that was standing in front of me was someone new; this person was broken. I led her back to the bed, knelt down in front of her pleading for her eyes to meet mine. I placed both of my hands on her thighs keeping her in place, the touch was electric and we both felt it. _I __**know**__ it_.

"All I want is a chance," I whispered, "Damn the consequences if it means I get the chance to be with you."

"Quinn, I can't," she sobbed.

"You can't what? Because you've been nothing but open since that night you took me home and after that we've been inseparable. I don't understand Rachel. Was it just a game for you? Flirt with Quinn, get her to like you, and then throw it in her face. Is this some sick payback for what happened in high school? Tell me I'm wrong Rachel, tell me that you're just scared and this is all real for you too."

Placing her hands on top of mine, she finally looked me in the eyes, "This is real and that's the problem. When I asked you what we were it made it all too real for me. I wasn't mad at your answer. I was mad at myself for taking it there. I took it too far."

I grasped her hands, "Took what too far?"

"The conversation. It was supposed to stay at the friend zone. I wasn't careful."

Inching my body closer, on the verge of tears, I let myself fall deeper. "I think that we passed the friend zone a while ago. Listen… I… I like you Rachel. I like you in a big way. I like you enough to spend a day driving around the city even though I really hate it. I like you enough to answer your late night phone calls though I've been asleep for hours. I like you enough that I'm putting myself out there even though it scares the hell out of me. Feelings and discussing them, Rachel that's not me but I figure that getting over my own fears is worth it if the end result was you."

She squeezed my hands. "Just stop… please… stop," and in a fluid motion seized her hands away.

"I can't and that's been the biggest problem. I can't stop myself from thinking about you. I can't stop myself from falling for you. I don't want to. I won't," I cried.

"It's only been two weeks Quinn. It's only been two weeks," she repeated, stoic.

With tears carelessly falling, "Who cares? A lot of people spend a lifetime not knowing what they want and that was me Rachel but for the first time in my life I don't want to be a drifter floating through temporary destinations. I want this, permanently," I confessed.

"You don't know what you're saying," she disputed.

"Stop that! I do know what I'm saying and I mean every word of it. The question is what can't you accept it?"

"Because I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you. I have to go," she stammered before bolting for the door.

I ran to the door locking it with my left hand keeping it on the knob preventing her from leaving.

Like magnets our bodies moved towards each other instantly, closing the gap between us, "Whatever you're afraid of we'll face it together," I ensured, "You and me, we'll jump over the hurdles together. I'm not letting you go."

Still refusing to make eye contact Rachel kept her eyes down on the floor, "Don't Quinn… I don't want you to…"

"But I want to. Let me in. Please… I want to be with you. Don't you want to be with me?"

"I… I… I can't be with… you."

"But that's not what I asked. Do you want to be with me Rachel?"

"No. I don't."

And just then my heart broke…

_Look, all I know is that you're… _

_the nicest thing I've ever seen_

_And I wish that we could see if we could be something_

_Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something_


	10. All About Rachel

**A/N: **A filler chapter but not really. So yeah, updates might take some time because writing when there's tsunami warnings all around where I live is just not healthy for my state of mind. Hope all you guys are doing well and be safe. Blessed be to all.****

Chapter Ten: All About Rachel  


"Pack up your bags because we're moving to California!"

And those were the nine words that had changed my life. It was three months ago when Jerry interrupted rehearsals to announce that he and his financial backers have decided that the show was to be moved to San Francisco, California.

"But Jerry moving across the country was not part of my contract." I remembered arguing with him. I signed with the show with the intention of staying in New York.

"I'm sorry Rachel but the decision has been made."

I could have easily pointed out the legalities of the situation but chose not to.

"This might be the fresh start that you've been talking about ever since your television series wrapped."

I remained silent as he laid out his plans for moving the show. Between money and audience I had lost interest in anything he had to say. I just sat there content with my own silence; a silence that I was not accustomed to. Rachel Berry was never the type to remain silent in any situation. Ever since high school people knew that I had an expanded vocabulary and thoroughly exercised it. If there was something that needed to be said I was there to do the speaking, even if it didn't concern me I made it my business to speak on its behalf. But that was the old Rachel Berry. Lately I've been too drained to put up a real fight.

"_Rachel, you have twelve interviews lined up to promote your film today."_

"_Twelve? Isn't that a little excessive?"_

"_Rachel, you're the star of the film the studio is counting on you."_

"_I know that but twelve?"_

"_Is not enough. You need to put the word out there."_

"_Fine."_

"_Also, you have several mall tours scheduled next week."_

"_But next week was supposed to be my block week. No work remember?"_

"_Yes, but the studio wanted the audience to know about the merchandises so you'll be doing meet and greets to sell them. This will be a good opportunity to promote your upcoming album as well. Sounds good?"_

"_Just perfect."_

Three years of rehearsals, shooting films, taping television series, being flown around the country and out of the country was an incredible experience. Sometimes I would wake up and think that I' am living out someone else's dream rather than my own. I had everything I had ever wanted wrapped up in a neat bow on a Tiffany's box. It was all perfect or at least appeared that way.

"_Rachel I watched your Diary on MTV and your life looks so cool. Must be nice flying on private jets, getting free stuff, and dating other celebrities huh?"_

Over the course of three years I had developed my own defense mechanism of surviving life in the limelight. It was what got me through the days where I had to live the life of "The Rachel Berry" as suppose to just living as Rachel Berry. The three years had dissipated the Rachel Berry from Lima, Ohio, the Rachel Berry who loved baking "I'm Sorry" cookies, the Rachel Berry who sang in front her bedroom mirror using her hairbrush, that Rachel Berry left the station of sanity a long time ago. But you wouldn't know it because I had perfected my defense mechanism. During television interviews I never failed to flash the interviewer my signature smile. I always laughed at their clichéd jokes, I continually answered their repetitive questions, and I dodged all personal questions about my life with a witty remark. It was all a well practice routine act. It has only been three years but I feel like I've been doing this forever.

"_So Rachel what don't you explain to the viewers what the movie is about? Can you compare your character's high school experience with your own? Do you have any behind the scenes scoop you could share with us? Who is the best kisser? How is Broadway different from doing films? Which do you prefer singing or acting? What is your dream role? Can you just clear the rumor of… Is it true that you and… Are you single?"_

Right after college was when I got my big break. I can vaguely remember how it all came about. The life that I had lived before this one was a constant blur. College. Auditions. Rejection. Every time I would try to complete the puzzle that was my life there would be a missing puzzle piece. Regrets. Loneliness. Fear. I can remember those clearly. Despite my ill fond memories of New York the city came to be my second home. It was the birthplace of my rise to fame. It was the stage of my first Broadway show, the setting for my first blockbuster film, and the location of my first television series. Everything that was relevant to my life now whether it was good or bad took place in the Big Apple. So when I was told that I had leave and start new elsewhere I was surprisingly manic about it.

"_No, I didn't get it. They said that I didn't look the part. I know daddy and please tell dad to calm down. I'm fine. Yeah, I love you too. Talk to you soon."_

"_My birthday was great. I spent it with um… people from the dorms. Just dinner, yeah well school night you know."_

"_I don't know if I can. I know that casting director. He casts based on looks and not talent. I shouldn't even bother. No, maybe next time."_

…_.._

"_Dad! Daddy! I got the part in the movie! Yes, yes I'm so excited."_

"_I nailed it Dads. The creator said he had me in mind when he was writing the character. I know! It's Broadway this time!"_

"_Well it's TV daddy so it is definitely new. I'm willing to try it out and see what happens."_

Three years into this, countless of awards later, and I was tired. The passion that I once held for this was now fading. Each day that I would wake up to my publicists texts and phone calls asking me to clear another rumor about me became daunting. The ever-present presence of the paparazzi was an irritation I could not be rid off. The unnecessary side package that came with fame was getting harder and harder to handle. Back in New York, when I would get home from a grueling day I would sit on the bench in front of my piano, zone out until I'd get the energy to elevate my fingers from my lap onto the ivory keys. While playing a nameless tune I would tell myself that I was strong enough for however big the scandal was or how pro-longed the hours had to be. I used to tell myself a lot of things to make myself feel as if I had something to live for. _Someone _to live for. Because the truth was that I had no one and that I was lifeless. In the three years I've lived the life of "The Rachel Berry" I had manage to alienate my friends and family. One day, after another rumor broke out I ceased all communication with everyone back home. This broke my fathers' hearts.

"_Hey Team Rachel can you guys please slow down? I know those people. We went to high school together can't I just stop and say hi?"_

"_We have to go Rachel. Ryan is waiting. You can catch up with your townie friends later."_

…_.._

"_Rachel Rachel!"_

"_Sam! How are you?"_

"_Good, well not as good as you. You look amazing Rach! We're all so proud of you."_

"_Aww thanks, it's no big deal really."_

"_Hey Rachel! We have to go now. They need to block your scenes."_

"_Oh. Can I just have a couple of more minutes?"_

"_Now, Rachel, say bye to your friend and get going."_

"_It's okay Rach you go ahead."_

"_I'm so sorry Sam."_

"_No worries._

…_.._

"_I know I know but my fathers would be devastated if I don't show up. It's Christmas and Hanukkah I have to be there!"_

"_The press will follow you. If you go back home they will dig into your past. Do you really want that to happen?"_

"_Hey daddy I have some bad news…"_

…_.._

"_This is my fathers 20__th__ wedding anniversary. I can't miss it. I'm supposed to perform."_

"_I'm sorry Rachel but you have a shoot scheduled on that day and the shooting schedule is already behind. If you take off now then they will just replace you with the next young hot star."_

"_Dad, please let me explain…"_

Any friends that I had were gone. They all thought that I had let the fame get to me; that they weren't good enough for me but I was the one that wasn't good enough for them. I did this to spare them from the negativities that would surely surface if they were attached to me. I couldn't let my new life stain theirs.

"_New breakout-star Rachel Berry acting like a diva on the set of her new movie?"_

"_Rachel Berry and co-star caught getting cozy."_

"_Berry busted with drugs!"_

"_Broadway baby Rachel Berry taking a break due to pregnancy?"_

"_Is Rachel Berry's out of control antics on set the result of being raised in an unconventional household?"_

"_New boyfriend and battered girlfriend, guess the star."_

I was protecting them. I only had the strength to fight for one. Dislodging them from my life didn't mean I didn't care about them. I love my fathers. I love my friends. I missed them. I missed them all. The glamorous lifestyle, all of the award shows and "special treatment" was nothing compared to a life of confinement.

The money-driven team behind "The Rachel Berry" had worked intensely to catapult me into stardom. Armageddon, that's how it would be if I was ever to break the mold they had created for me so I settled. Moving to San Francisco, a new city filled with new faces, would anything really change?


	11. You Make It Real

**Chapter Eleven: "You Make It Real"**

If love came knocking at your door, would you answer it? Would you let it into the space that you had worked so hard to keep sacred? Would you even know what it is and if so, are you prepared for it? Will you accept it? Now that it's at your door what are you going to do about it?

As soon as the words left my mouth I instantly wanted to take them back. They were nothing but pure lies. The hurt those two words, "I don't", caused manifested through her eyes. Those same eyes I had dreamt about the night that I took her home, those same eyes that caused my heart to stop and jump at the same time, and its those same eyes that were now staring back at me in pain and confused. I never expected any of this happen. Three months ago, I was just another actress making another move. Two weeks ago, I was just an actress that made the move. Tonight, I'm the actress giving the best performance of her life by pushing the one thing, the one person she had grown to care for the most. In the span of less than a year, I had become unrecognizable. I avoided mirrors all together for I cannot stand to look at myself without getting the urge to connect my fist with the reflection that would be staring back at me. No, this was not a game for me. It was not some sick pay back for what she had done in high school. This was not some joke; no one was laughing. If I could have done things differently I would've. I didn't want this for her. We haven't even gone out on a first date and I was already hurting her. No, I couldn't do this. Two weeks ago, I felt the pull to get closer, the pull to get to know her better, and now that pull turned into push. Like a switch in my head had been turned on waking my defense mechanism in an instant as it was now up and running.

"_I don't",_ made her move, it made her let go. The pain and confusion had faded and was replaced with defeat. We stood there for what felt like hours avoiding each other's eyes. We both knew that the moment our eyes connected, hazel on brown, we'd both give in to our individual wants which at that point seemed like a lost cause for each. I couldn't have her because I wanted to protect her. She couldn't have me because I told her I didn't want her. "_Please Quinn… just let me go. You think that I'm worth it but I'm really not. You just have no idea…"_ Was my plea for her to not only loosen her hold on the door knob but it was also my plea for her to let me go. When she did, I ran out of the door, out of that condo, and out of their lives. _What was I thinking?_ _What made me think that this time would actually be different? No, it won't be. It can't be. You're doing the right thing Rachel. Just keep telling yourself that. You're doing the right thing for her, for all of them.  
_

I heard voices calling my name, the rustling of clothes, and feet moving towards me but I didn't turn around. The elevator became my savior. We must have been on the same mind wave for it came as soon as I needed it. Inside of the elevator, I called my driver and told him to get to Quinn's as soon as possible. The ache was becoming unbearable but still I couldn't let myself cry; correction I wouldn't let myself cry. All of this… I brought it on upon myself. This was my own doing and once again I had to pay for it, take it all in in strides.

Outside Quinn's building I waited for my driver, I kept my eyes open for a black Lincoln ready to jump in once it had stopped. I couldn't afford to look at any of them. If I did, I might have just broken down completely. While rubbing my temples, I closed my eyes longing for this night to be over with. Mindlessly I thought that if I were to rub in a steady rhythm I could rewind back to two weeks ago and alter the outcome of this night.

"You can't just leave me like you did without an explanation. A proper explanation."

The voice I never expected to hear from again forced me out of my illusions. I opened my eyes, my body reacting to the voice turned around to face it, her.

"If you think that I'm just going to give up on you like that then you have another thing coming Ms. Berry."

She was out of breath. _Did she run after me?  
_

"I'm not going to stand there and let you walk away. I've seen enough rom-com movies to know that it will be a stupid move on my part to do nothing but stand. If you run away again I'll just run after you but please don't because I' am terribly out of shape."

_Doesn't look like you are_. We were standing three feet apart. Neither of us made the move to get closer. We were in a strange place, an unknown territory so we were both being cautious for good reasons.

"You said that I don't know what I'm getting myself into by being with you. What did you mean?"

And the questions began…

"Where have you been Quinn? Have you not read the stories in those trashy magazines? Are you oblivious to the E! True Hollywood Story about me? You can't possibly be naïve to the news that go around."

"I'm not oblivious to anything Rachel."

"Then run."

"No," she said boldly, "You can't give me your two weeks notice. Not until you have completely made up your mind that you don't have any feelings for me, which I think you do by the way. I mean, have feelings for me that is."

_But I do and that's what is frightening me.  
_

"I know that this is happening kind of fast.

_Kind of fast?  
_

"Okay maybe really fast. Trust me, I know. But if I let you go now without even giving, whatever this is, a go then I know that it will be a big mistake, huge."

_Channeling Julia Roberts a la Pretty Woman? Brownie points for you Quinn Fabray.  
_

"Am I at all making sense or getting through to you? Because I ran down the stairs and almost broke my neck trying to catch up to you so please say something… Anything or should I just keep talking?"

_Alright Rachel take the stage. You've done this thousand of times. You practice it every day. Evasion is your personal hobby. What are you waiting for? Do it! Well… You can't do it can you? And why not? Because you love her? I do not! Oh but you like her. You L-I-K-E like her. Well go on then say something before she starts rambling again.  
_

"There's so much craziness surrounding me. There's so much going on it gets hard to breathe. All my faith has gone you bring it back to me. You make it real for me. Well I'm not sure of my priorities. I've lost site of where I'm meant to be and like holy water washing over me. You make it real for me. And I'm running to you baby. You are the only one who save me. That's why I've been missing you lately cause you make it real for me. When my head is strong but my heart is weak. I'm full of hurricanes and uncertainty but I can find the words. You teach my heart to speak. You make it real for me."

So yes, I sang. I couldn't formulate my own words so I sang. The last time I checked it was not a crime to do so. But by the look of Quinn's face I wished that I had stuck to my original plan of evasion and had not said a single word. There we stood, still miles apart, she was looking around perhaps searching for hidden cameras. Her face was twisted in amusement and I'm almost certain that she believed that my mental state lay around somewhere near borderline crazy. This was going well. _Gosh, she looks so fucking sexy when she bites her lower lip like that. Did I just curse? __What is she doing? Okay, now you're getting too close. You are invading my personal space now. Quinn? Quinn!  
_

"I love that song."

_Oh god oh god.  
_

"Me too."

_She's leaning in! She's leaning in!  
_

"Do the lyrics reflect how you feel?"

_Good heavens she is divine, breathtaking, just so damn…  
_

"Ahem… Yes."

_This is happening. This is so happening.  
_

"Rachel…"

_Of course we were interrupted. Because this is my life and my life swims in unwarranted interruptions. I hate you so much right now Noah Puckerman.  
_

"Hey what's going out here? You two ran out of the building so fast, where the hell is the fire?"

_Roll call. Santana Lopez.  
_

"Puck, damn it! I told you to stay inside."

_Tina Cohen-Chang.  
_

"_What's with the commotion?"  
_

_Mike Chang.  
_

"Tina! I said not to follow!"

_Emily Fields.  
_

"Oh my god! Those god damn bushes."

_Mercedes Jones.  
_

"Alright, now what are ya'll doing out here? It is too cold to be doing all this standing."

_Artie Abrams.  
_

"Yo Quinn, that elevator is whacked."

_Brittany S. Pierce  
_

"Stop the violence."

_Quinn Fabray.  
_

"What in the fuckery are all of you guys doing out here?"

Ten inebriated adults there stood in the middle of the sidewalk all bathing in their own conclusions as to what could possibly have happened or be happening between McKinley's formerly notorious rivals.

"I'm so sorry Q. When Puck ran out after you I tried to stop him and the next thing I knew we were all inside the elevator taking shots," Santana explained.

Quinn mugged Puck and she mugged him well. Puck hid behind Tina in an effort to steer clear of Fabray's wrath of fury.

"What? I' am a concerned friend. Two of my friends just dashed out of the building and…"

"And what? You ran out here to?" Santana interrogated.

"He wanted to see if they were going to make out."

"Tina!" Quinn shrieked.

"What? It's true. We all thought it actually."

"Artie! For the love of…" Santana mumbled.

Santana and Quinn were getting increasingly uneasy as more of the GLEEKS spoke their unfiltered minds. Well this was an interesting development in the plot.

"Holy Moses, can you all just go back upstairs?" Emily advocated, "Like seriously, this is none of our business so… Oh… Quinn are you okay?"

Do you know what happens when you mix Pop Rocks with soda? Well to summarize, foam erupts crazily and if there was enough Pop Rocks you might just hear an explosion and yup, that chemical reaction was about to happen via Quinn. She was the Pop Rocks and the rest of the gang was the soda and if this interaction were to last a second longer the interaction will progress into that chemical reaction and with Quinn's veins bursting through the seams of her forehead it would be quite sufficient to say that we would all be in for an explosion like no other. To save the lot I sacrificed myself.

"Quinn my driver is here. I'm just going to go."

"Rachel, no… please just wait up."

I overlooked her, heck ignored her completely, and addressed the rest of the soda gang.

"It has been swell seeing all of you again but I unfortunately have an early meeting to prepare for and should really get going now."

"Aww, but the party was just starting baby girl," Mercedes groaned taking me by surprise.

"I know but my manager will kill me if I stay out all night," I justified lamely.

"We understand don't we GLEEKS?" Santana called on.

"Yes," was the unanimous answer.

Quinn's "No," stood out loud and clear.

"Quinn…" Santana said, "She has an early meeting let her get some rest."

"Fine," Quinn huffed.

Grateful, I gave Santana a small smile. I made my way through the group individually hugging everyone to say goodbye. After this night I wasn't too sure as to when I would see them all or just one of them for that matter. As I hugged them I was already planning my escape plans. For the time that I was to be here I was to avoid Quinn Fabray at all cost. Artie, Mike, and Puck escorted me to the car before getting in I gave a last wave of goodbye.

…...

The shadow of Rachel's car vanished as it turned out of my street. Fuck my life. _What just happened right here?  
_

"Santana, why did you just let her leave?"

_Rachel and I were so close… a couple of more seconds…  
_

"Because the night is young Q," Santana waved off.

"What are you going on about?" Mike asked.

"I'm talking about Operation Big Booty Berry," Santana said seriously.

"Say what now?" I bellowed startled with the calmness steaming out of everyone's smiling faces.

"Yeah, Puck and Artie came up with it in the elevator," Mercedes said.

"We are going to help you win Rachel Berry's heart!" Brittany enthused.

I arched an eyebrow simulating anger but really this was getting to be too entertaining to be anything but curious. "And how is it that you guys know about Rachel and me?"

"Oh puh-lease you two scream sexual tension," Tina puffed.

"Yeah, and Rachel totally danced with me to get your attention Quinn," Brittany confessed.

_Did she now? So much for not wanting me.  
_

"Really? But no, you guys I got this," I spoke securely.

Eyeing the spot that Rachel graced not so long ago, "Doesn't look like it," Emily remarked.

My mouth hung open, "What happened to the supportive Emily that I know and love?"

"This is me being supportive times seven," she enlightened.

"Are we doing this or what?" Artie asked, wheeling himself towards the entrance of the building.

"Yeah because we are here indefinitely so we got all the time in the world," Mercedes let on following Artie.

"What do you mean you guys are here indefinitely?" I asked, not moving.

"We're thinking of moving here," Tina said.

"All of you?" I choked.

Sensing the GLEEK panic Santana hugged me from the side, "Yup, all of them."

_When did this happen? Don't question it Quinn! Think about it, the longer they stay the more chances that you will have to be breathing the same air as Rachel. She's avoiding you but there is no way she could avoid eight determined highly conniving individuals. It is so on! Rachel Berry prepare for an apocalypse of awesomeness that will be coming your way.  
_

"Okay since I know I'm not going to win this I'm in but we are changing the name."

"As long as you're in then party on!" Puck cheered.

**Party on indeed. **


	12. Get It Right

**A/N: **Rachel's POV.

**Chapter Twelve: "Get It Right"  
**

You wake up the next morning feeling horridly sick. You can barely move. You notice the time **8:28 am**. You know that you have to get up soon. You weigh the pros and cons of getting out of the warmth of your bed. As the number changes you decide to finally make a move. Swinging your legs over the bed is like trying to defy gravity. Slowly, you get up from the bed and make your way to your dresser where you cell phone spent the night. _**58 Missed Calls. 103 text messages.**_ You almost cry at the sight of it. You leave it be for now as you walk to your kitchen. The pot of coffee awaits you. You grab a coffee mug from the cupboard and pour yourself a cup. You lean back into the counter letting the quiet envelop you. You ponder through sips. The flashing of a red light across the room catches your attention. You take a deep breath and set your coffee down on the counter. On your way to the red flashing light, you notice the droplets of water grazing your big bay windows. It was raining _The Day After Tomorrow_ style. You sigh. _Just perfect. _Remembering the purpose of this walk you take a couple of more steps and reach your destination. The number _**25**_ is flashing at you. It was haunting you. _It can wait. _You lay on your couch letting your legs dangle off the armrest. Staring at the eggshell white ceiling you replay the night before.

Last night you lied about having an early meeting. Last night you lied about many things. Last night you turned your back on them. Last night you turned your back on her. _I wonder if they knew_. You wonder if they knew about your plans to escape. You wonder if they had any inkling that last night was to be the last night that they'll ever see the real Rachel Berry. Last night before it happened you were able to enjoy yourself, really enjoy yourself. You were able to cut lose without fearing that someone might take a picture and send it to the tabloids. Last night you were in a safe environment protected by friends. But last night you ruined it. You shake the memories off.

You grab your IPod from the coffee table. Today, your IPod hates you. The first song that comes on shuffle is one of the first songs that you ever wrote. You cough trying to hold back the tears. You listen to the lyrics. You get lost in the meaning of the words. You remember sitting on your bed one night trying to come up with the perfect words. The perfect words that would convey how you felt. How you felt about her. You remember that day where both of you stood center stage spitting fighting words and all because of Finn or so you thought. _"Do you know how this story plays out? I get Finn and you get heartbroken." _You told her that you would not give up on Finn. Her stance was cold. You couldn't bare it. You cried you way out of the stage. That same night you wrote this song. It wasn't for him but it was for you, for her to hear. You wanted to tell her that you could accept the defeat. You wanted to tell her the truth behind the lies. The truth was that her words affected you more than anything. She affected you more than anyone. The truth was that you wrote the song with her in mind. You keep listening to the lyrics the words turning into bricks weighing down on you.

If you could go back in time you would have told her to stop pretending because you knew that she had cared more than she had let on. While everyone else bought it you saw through that ice queen persona she was portraying. Deep down inside you had guessed that she was hurting.

_So I throw up my fist  
I will punch in the air  
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair  
Yeah, I'll send out a wish  
Yeah, I'll send up a prayer  
And finally, someone will see  
How much I care._

If you could go back in time you would have told her that it was going to be okay even though you didn't know if it was going to be. You would have said anything to make it stop. You hated seeing her so broken. But you didn't do anything. You couldn't do anything. If she saw you she would've ran. You saw her vulnerability. You saw _**her**__. _And her was the person she was running from.

If you could go back in time you would have told her that you were sorry because you didn't know. All that time you thought that it was shallow. You just didn't know what it meant for her to win. If you knew you would have sat next to her on that floor and held her as she reigned in her lost. You would have let her sobbed into your arms as you held her. Though she didn't win prom queen that night, she won a piece of your heart.

You watched her get herself together in front of the mirror. You watched her wipe away the remaining tears. You watched her fix her make-up with her hands shaking. You watched her practice her cold vicious stare that you saw more often that you would care to remember. You watched the double doors swing as she walked out. You stepped out of the stall and walked to the floor she was sitting on. You noticed a picture crumbled up on the floor. You picked it up straightening the edges. "_Beth,"_ you whispered. On the back of the picture were her words.

_What can you do when your good isn't good enough?  
When all that you touch tumbles down?  
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things  
I just wanna fix it somehow_

That night you went back home picture and words in hand. You began to write around her words. You added what you thought were missing. Your words combined with hers were lyrical nirvana. The nights that you wrote the lyrics she occupied you mind. She took you for a ride.

You remember her face as you sang the words, her words. You felt her eyes on you the whole time you were performing. You expected her to be mad. You expected an attack but none of it came. After you performed, she just left the stage along with everyone else.

It dawns on you now that it was raining that day. It was the exact same weather that day as it was today. Suddenly you feel the goose bumps rising on your arms. You hear the echoes of her _"thank you" _bouncing off of the walls inside of your nearly empty condominium. You remember once more…

"_Hey Quinn, wait!"_

"_Just go away Berry."_

"_I'm so sorry."_

"_For what?"_

"_For stealing your lyrics."_

"_Did you really mean to steal them?"_

"_No."_

"_Then I guess I have no reason to be mad now don't I?"_

"_But it's still not fair people think that I…"_

"_People can and will think whatever they want to think Rachel. You just have to learn how to ignore them."_

"_How come you can't?"_

"_Can't what?"_

"_Ignore them."_

"_Because I'm a completely different story Rachel."_

You remember the silence in the green room. You were standing very much like how you two were standing last night, miles apart.

"_I'll tell everyone that it's your lyrics."_

"_You don't have to. I mean it was just a paragraph."_

"_But it's the paragraph that touched the people the most. It is so raw and just so honest Quinn."_

What happened next was unexpected.

"_I miss her. I miss her every day. I pretend that I've forgotten about her because it's easier. But I still miss her. I know that she's taken care of but Rachel I miss her so much."_

"_Quinn…"_

"_I just wanted her to have something to be proud of. It's stupid but I thought that being prom queen would have given her that. I thought I could give her that at least. It's just all so stupid."_

"_I don't think it's stupid."_

"_You're just being nice."_

"_I'm not. I don't know how to be just nice. Quinn… Beth has a lot to be proud of. She has a beautiful, intelligent, accomplished and caring person for a mother."_

"_Thank you." _

You never did tell her that you wrote the song for her. You let her believe that you wrote it with someone else in mind. You told yourself that one day you'll be able to tell her that it was all for her. You let yourself be satisfied with the outcome. You smile as you recollect memories of the new and improved Quinn that had showed up the next week after regionals. You gave yourself a pat in the back for not jumping into the conclusion that it was you that caused the change in her. Things were different from that day on. You two didn't form a friendship but rather an acquaintanceship. In the hallways smiles were exchanged. In Glee rehearsals gazes were hidden. In performances light grazes were practiced. At graduation, you wanted to tell her of your change in heart. You prepared the speech the night before but the speech never left your heart for you couldn't utter the words and so you watched her leave. You promised yourself that maybe one day you would get the courage to tell her. Maybe one day…

The roar of a thunder awakens you from your haze. You feel a wet substance running down your face and turn to the window. The tear hits your dark couch leaving its mark. You wonder… you wonder… you keep wondering but stop yourself. _What good will it do to think of the past when there is no future to even hope for?_ You tell yourself.

_But how many it times will it take?  
Oh, how many times will it take for me?  
To get it right  
To get it right…_

**A/N : **Short chapter I know but I just wanted to get this up before the new episode airs. I didn't want to be influenced by it whatsoever. This was my take on why Quinn's been acting like a real (fill in the blank) Anyway, thank you for reading! Group hug ;D


	13. Somebody to Love

**Chapter Thirteen: "Somebody to Love"**

A week from now the curtains will go up and the madness will truly erupt in true Rachel Berry fashion. I suppose I should be excited that opening night was on schedule and that I would get the opportunity to practice my acting and singing capabilities nightly just as how I imagined it in a past not so long ago. Excitement was fleeting. For this was just another job, it became another job a couple of days ago. The whole lot of it was a sham of show fabricated by a team of wannabes and producers. Team Rachel so excitedly presented the project as a way to keep my face in the limelight. Originally, I had planned on taking a long break, a long vacation from the crazies. As it was expected Team Rachel thought that it was the most outrageous idea I had come up with as of yet. To be back on Broadway, proved that I did not forget my roots but obviously they are completely ignorant of my roots for my rise to fame was aided in films. In sum, they wanted me to do the show for more exposure. More exposure was key in keeping me hot in the Hollywood scene. In black ink I signed my life away to settle for what was needed of me.

The dressing room was bare much like the condominium I have been living in for the past month. The bareness was an adequate representation of this loop that I called my life. A knock on the door, "Ms. Berry I have a delivery," was muffled on the other side of it. Opening the door, I was greeted with a large arrangement of orchids. I thanked the man, slipping him a $50 as I did. Flower deliveries to my dressing rooms were not an unusual occasion. What spiked my curiosity was that this was the first of many deliveries that someone had given me my favorite flowers. A card was sticking out on the clear vase. _"Good luck on your opening night. Till then. Always, Your Secret Admirer." _Names dribbled out of my brain. There were so many of them but none that made sense. I saved the card, tucking it inside of my purse. Another knock, it was the director telling me that they were ready for me. On with the show.

As luck would have it rehearsals was not an absolute disaster. My co-stars were actually able to remember their lines and act it out semi-believably. I'm not one to be harsh criticizing an actor's performance but goodness some of these people are barely literate. For the past three weeks, in every rehearsal, the male lead and my love interest kept pronouncing conscience as two separate entities CON-SCIENCE. Give me strength. But today it was absolute smoothness. The cast and crew bid their goodbyes after perfecting the last act. I speedily changed in the dressing room and was on my way. On my way home, I received two texts from Artie and Mercedes. **Hey Rachel, heading home soon with Cedes and we would love to see you again. Dinner good? Just us three for reals –Artie. **Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. But no, scouts honor I pinky promised myself to stay put and be good. **Hey girl, just accept the invite. We are starving. Reservations at Cliff House 8:00. See you there –Mercedes. **_Just dinner among old friends, nothing bad could happen. I' am famish. I'll be breaking my promise though. Who cares you dim wit. Just drink it in Rachel, drink it!_ Before I could change my mind I tapped my driver on the shoulder telling him of the, "Change of plans."

Upon entering the restaurant fans flocked me asking for pictures and autographs. Obliging to each request took about twenty minutes. Scanning the room I spotted Mercedes and Artie seating by the window with the view of the ocean. After the last request, Artie flagged me down.

"I'm sorry to keep you two waiting."

"Nah, it's cool. Fans right?" Artie signaled to the hurdle of girls still squealing sharing pictures.

"Yeah."

"Well don't worry Rach. We got your back. Bitches be crazy sometimes," Mercedes comforted, "Excuse my forwardness but let's eat!"

Dinner was going great idea. The food was delicious. The company was great. I made the right choice. The check came and Artie insisted on paying for it. I beamed with pride at his gesture. Dinners with "friends" meant the check regularly came to me with the full expectation that I would pay for it, which I do.

"Something wrong Rachel?" Mercedes queried as we left the restaurant, "You're neck is going to snap if you keep moving it like that."

"Yes. My driver seems to be missing."

"Is he?" Artie asked loosely, "Have you tried calling him?"

This was not a night to be out and down with nature as it was freezing. If we were to stand in the cold for a minute longer our bodies would turn into ice sculptures. I tightly clutched onto my jacket as I redialed my driver's number.

"Is he not picking up?"

"No Artie he is not. It just goes straight to his voicemail."

"You can ride with us. Our driver will be here soon," Mercedes suggested.

"That would work if your driver wouldn't mind making an extra stop that is."

"They won't mind," Artie stated.

The parking lot was nearly empty except for a few cars. The headlights of a large van turning into a parking space next to us blinded the three of us.

"Berry!" shouted Santana, "You are looking beautiful as ever but then again when have you not been beautiful?"

I smirked at the compliment. Santana Lopez just gave me a compliment and winked at me, aside from the disappearance of my driver the turn out of tonight's dinner was going enormously well. Santana jumped out of the van to help Artie inside while Mercedes hung back with me. We waited for Santana's go ahead to get in the car. The wind must have been angry with us as it whiplashed us at every chance it got. I turn to Mercedes and she was eerie, creepily so. Mercedes Jones was quiet and that was suspect.

"Alright, Mercedes get in the car."

"Um, Santana what about me?"

"Your ride is here," Santana said, fingers directed at a car next to her. _That car looks familiar. _

"Quinn!"

"Hey you, screaming my name already?"

_Oh you're cocky Fabray._

I sauntered towards a smug Quinn. She was leaning back against the driver door with her eyes dead set on me. "What are you doing here?" In an effort to hold in laughter she bit her lip. I was taken aback_. _Looking past my shoulder, Quinn noticed that we had an audience. "Santana, take Artie and Mercedes home. I got it from here." Santana bobbed her head and we watched the van leave the parking lot.

"So where were we?" Quinn cheekily questioned. _Her eyes were piercing, melting me if she kept doing that I would just collapse. This was a bad idea. I should have ran after that van! Her eyes her eyes make the stars look like they're shining… Not now! Back to yelling… _"I believe I was asking you as to why you are here."

"I'm here to take you home," she said, "I'm sorry was that not clear?"

"What did you do with my driver?"

"I killed him." My eyebrows shot up. "I'm kidding. I bribed him to leave."

"And why would you do that?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"I'm not riding in the car with you."

"And why the hell not? What are you going to do? Walk?"

_Yup. If you're going to be nonchalant and difficult then so will I. Game on. _

"Rachel come back here!"

"No Quinn. You can take your ride and shove it," I yelled over my shoulder.

"Stop walking will you!"

"Nope!"

"Rachel!"

"Quinn!"

"Please, just get in the car. It is freezing and you live miles away from here and it's late so just get in."

Evidence of the coldness protruded all around me. Breathing was difficult, moving was nearly impossible, and speaking was accompanied with teeth chattering. Deciding against the dramatics, I twirled my body around jogging towards the car. Quinn and I were now facing each other somewhat in a stand off. I reached for the door handle but it was locked. _She really wants me to freeze to death doesn't she? _

"You really planned this out didn't you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she dumbly played.

"You really suck at lying you know that."

"And you really suck at walking. You barely moved."

"Don't make fun of my height!"

"I wasn't. I was making fun of how slow you walk."

"Are you going to take me home or not?"

"Are you going to get in the car or not?"

"Fine!"

"Well goodie then let's get this show on the road."

Quinn clicked a button on her key and the doors unlocked.

"Are you not going to open the door for me?"

"Do you not have hands?"

"Are you going to answer my questions back with a question?"

"I don't know am I?"

Stubbornness a quality that was apparently still alive and kicking in Quinn Fabray's system. This whole debacle screamed GLEEK OPERATION. There was no question about it. If I had to guess, this was planned shortly after I left Quinn's. To give them more credit, this was probably planned after I ran out of the party. Also, this whole thing has a name. Most likely, Puck thought of it. Something sexual or just plain stupid like, _Operation Lick That Berry or Operation Bag the Berry_ those would be likely names. _For a person that is so set in her ways you sure are easy to persuade_. _Fuck you subconscious! _Inside of the car, Quinn and I sat in tension. To say that the ride home was tense was an understatement. Quinn and I sat in our seats shutting each other out. Well, I was shutting her out. I was still annoyed and slightly mad that they bribed my driver to leave without me. _He is so fired. _

"The silent treatment huh?

Busy in my fantasies I dismissed Quinn's comment.

"I don't know why you're making it so hard on yourself."

This was to happen. This was to be another showdown of feelings and hurt. _Not again please._

"What are you talking about Fabray?"

"You. The denial river. You're swimming in denial river."

"I' am not and keep your eyes on the road."

"Yes, you are. You passed the shallow waters and are now in deep. Deep denial."

This was it. This was another chance to finish the unfinished business from Saturday's incident.

"I'm not in denial about anything."

"You're in denial about your feelings for me."

_Okay, I'll give. Straight to point we shall._

"I'm not in denial about my feelings for you. I know that they are there I just choose not to acknowledge them."

There were two roads that I was presented with. There was only one road I could've taken. The first road led to honesty while the other led to lies and then more lies. The pressure to choose the right road was pressing and I was cracking under the pressure. I wanted so much to just take the road to honesty and be done with it all but I felt the pull towards the road of lies. _Which to choose?_

"What is the difference?"

"The difference is that I' am aware of them but the admittance isn't there."

"Well I'm listening so all admittance made here in this car shall remain in this car."

"I would rather not."

Patience was another quality that was clearly innate in Quinn Fabray's system. Sure, I sensed the annoyance but I had to give it her because she never lost her cool even with my antics.

"Rachel, I like you," she deadpanned.

"So I've heard," I sighed.

"Yes, and you will hear it again and again until it actually sinks in that head of yours," she said all business like.

"Okay…" _Scary Quinn I see you. Okay. This is it._

"Okay well… I know that you have your baggage. I'm not too sure of the specifics of that baggage but I' am telling you that it is something that I can handle."

"What makes you so sure that you can?"

"Because I'm Wonder freaking Woman," she declared, "But mostly because… I want this. I want you. I want you all of you. Hotmess included," she paused before adding, "Things can be so easy if we just give in to our feelings."

"Nothing is ever easy. Life is never easy. Love isn't easy."

I wanted to clamp my mouth shut as soon as the word love flew right out it. Slowly, I shifted my eyes away from the window to face Quinn. No reaction. _Did I want a reaction?_

"Well life is always hard for the Belle of the Boulevard."

"Huh?"

"It's a song. Wait, here listen to it…"

Quinn shuffled through her iPhone finding the song.

_In all your silver rings _

_In all your silken things _

_That song you softly sing _

_Is keeping you from breaking _

_It's a long way down, it's a long way_

Listening to the lyrics, made me fall a little deeper.

_Back here you never lost _

_You shake the shivers off _

_You take a drink _

_To get your courage up _

_Can you believe it? _

_Just this once _

_Just for now _

_And just like that_

_It's over_

In hindsight, Quinn and I were still strangers. Despite having a colorful past we were still strangers to these new version of ourselves. I didn't really know any concrete facts about her and surely she does not know any concrete facts about me. For now we were two strangers caught in a struggle between letting go or giving in. But sometimes you can fall so deeply for a stranger without needing to know everything there was to know about them. _Is that what is happening? _

_Don't turn away _

_Dry your eyes, dry your eyes _

_Don't be afraid _

_But keep it all inside, all inside _

_When you fall apart _

_Dry your eyes, dry your eyes_

_Life is always hard _

_For the Belle of the Boulevard_

The song ended with the deduction that perhaps Quinn knew more about my life than she had initially let on. The interpretation of the song could be of many possibilities but my own interpretation of it was that of girl who was drowning in a makeshift life, lost in a flood of emotions, afraid of any or all future, and in search of real love. The Belle of the Boulevard was me. She was me.

"Is that why you call me Belle?"

Quinn's right hand was resting on the joystick, glancing down I saw her gripping the joystick tightly. I rested my hand on top of hers and her grip instantly relaxed. Intertwining our hands, I wished to let her know that it was okay if she knew about my pathetic excuse of a life. It just meant that there was no need to pretend anymore.

"Yeah, I was listening to it one night and thought of you."

"And do you do that a lot?"

"What?"

"Think of me?"

"Only all of the time," she said with a shy smile, "In full disclosure though there was a period when I vigorously avoided all thoughts of you but then after that night outside of the bar I knew I was doomed to fail in my efforts."

_I love her honesty._

"I think about you too," I said.

"Do you?"

"After I took you guys home I couldn't get you out of my head."

"Oh. Well… that is… surprising because our conversation that night was less than a paragraph."

"Yeah, but it was enough."

The walls were crumbling. She was succeeding in scaling each and every one of them. I felt powerless to stop her. Maybe I didn't want to.

"Rachel… why are you fighting this? Do you really not want to be with me?"

Maybe I never wanted to play keep away. Maybe all I wanted was to tell her that…

"Of course I want to be with you. I want you just as much as you want me and maybe even more. I want to be part of your life but Quinn the whole reason I've been acting the way that I have is because I don't want you to be part of mine. My life… crazy doesn't even begin to cover it. Every day it is something new. It's not fun. It's all controversies and phoniness 24/7. Every one that has gotten close to me only got burned in the end. I don't want that for you. I don't want the media to make a spectacle of our relationship. If you and I come out in public hell even if we don't come out the media will plant false stories; hurtful stories about you, your friends, and family. They won't stop until they break you. Until they break us. I've been doing this for three years Quinn but it feels so much longer. They've already beaten me but I will be damned if I let them do the same to you."

So that was it. Some if not all of the reasons I've been so reluctant in letting Quinn get close. The business was dirty in its ways. I sacrificed a life, my own life, for the sake of this business and I won't sacrifice another.

"While I appreciate you looking out for me. I'm not weak."

"I know you're not."

"Let me finish. I'm not weak and I won't break. I will break them before they break me and I will break them for breaking you."

I felt her hands tighten around mine her protective nature was showing.

"I'm just… just so tired of everything. I… I want a way out." I was choking on my words, "Remember when I asked you if you've ever woken up from a really good dream and the moment your eyes is hit with the realization that you are in fact awake you'd close your eyes right away to try to get back to that dream but find out you never really could?"

"Yeah. I remember."

"For me this is all a dream. You're a dream. You're that dream I wanted to get back to. You asked what made that dream of mine a dream and then said that anything was possible. I was so hopeful back then because I momentarily forgot about my life. I was enthralled in that dream of you and me, together and we were happy that it made me forget of this shitty life of mine. I'm paralyzed with the thought that one day I'll wake up from this dream and realize that you and I aren't real. I'm scared of losing you before I even had you."

"Hey," she commanded, "Look at me. I'm done running. I'm done denying. I'm in this. You have me. You have all of me. You always have. I'm not going anywhere and you can set that in stone. Just give us a chance. That's all I ask. Because I really think that I can make you happy."

"You already do make me happy," I informed her, "But…"

"No buts and no more running away. All I ask for is a chance. Let's forget about the rest. So…"

_Take a little time baby_

_See the butterflies color's_

_Listen to the birds that were sent_

_To sing for me and you_

_Can you feel me?_

_This is such a wonderful place to be_

_Even if there is pain now_

_Everything would be all right_

_For as long as the world still turns_

_There will be night and day_

_Can you hear me?_

_There's a rainbow always after the rain  
_

**A/N:** It sort of ends abruptly because it will pick up in the next chapter... I think. So yeah, holy sweet hell thanks for the great great and generous reviews of the last chapter. It was my favorite to write. I'm struggling with Rachel's character a bit so who knows what she'll do. But back to the thank you.. THANK YOU ALL! I really do love reading what you guys have to say and I respond to them in my head and sometimes I put them in the story. I feel the anonymous love. Again, mother is that you leaving all the comments? If so, wahhhh. FABERRY is canon in my story so just keep the faith.


	14. Pacific Coast Party

**A/N:** POV shifts but it's pretty obvious but still a heads up. I seriously did not proofread so sorry for any mistakes. As always thank you to all that leave reviews (yes, I do read them, they make me smile and kick my gear into writing) as well as for the alerts and favorites. I must say you anonymous/unregistered folks do create some unique names lol.

**Chapter Fourteen: Pacific Coast Party**

**MONDAY (of the next week)**

"Hey Rachel! Over here!"

A whole week had gone by since Quinn and I had our heart to heart talk in the car. Ever since then the other GLEEKS have been active in their attempts in trying to get Quinn and I together, to quote Brittany, "together-together lady kisses and all". Just this morning I was awakened with a multitude of texts from multiple GLEEKS.

**Rachel, breakfast with Puck and me? –Tina**

**Hi Rachel! Santana stole A LOT of muffins! Come by before Quinn kills her. –Brittany**

**Hey Rachel. Quinn "donated" breakfast. So you, me, Brittany, and breakfast yeah? –Santana**

To play fair I took the first offer and met up with Noah and Tina at a cozy low-key diner.

"Nice choice of restaurant you guys," I complimented as the waiter took my coat.

"We figured that you might like the privacy," Tina proudly replied.

"Yeah, we couldn't have all of your fans taking up your time when you could be hanging with us fine folks," Noah inserted.

"Well that's sweet Noah," I chuckled.

"He has his moments," Tina said.

Very reminiscent of last week's dinner with Artie and Mercedes the breakfast with Noah and Tina was pleasant by all means. Tina was filling me in on her life back in Chicago with Noah. Noah every now and then nodded in agreement with whatever it was Tina was saying. All that time, I watched the pair in awe. Time had been good for this couple, a couple! In high school, these two hardly interacted. Who would have thought that eight years down the line they would end up together and married no less? They seem to be a genuinely happy couple. _To be young and in love, it does wonders to a person._ Hours later the check came and like Artie Noah immediately whipped out his wallet to pay. _My friends are gentlemen indeed._ During our goodbyes I had noticed that my purse was not where I had left it.

"Rachel something the matter?" Tina asked.

"I think my purse is gone," Taking a second look, "Yup, it is definitely gone."

"Oh really?" Noah asked.

"Yes," I yelled as I looked around the table, under the table, and over the table, "Could you guys call my phone? It's in there so if it rings I might be able to locate it."

"Uhh… Bad news Rachel. Puck and I didn't bring our phones. It's no cell phone day for us. That's why our last text was very detailed with the when and where of our breakfast," Tina said apologetically.

_No cell phone day? Who does that?_

"Have no fear. I'll go take a look around and have a word with the manager and see what we can come up with," Noah assured.

Fifteen minutes later Noah came back purse-less. "Sorry Rachel. No one has seen your purse. It just went poof like magic."

"This is just great. Truly!" I was fuming, "I have my cell phone, the keys to my condo, and netbook in that purse!"

"How about we get you home and call the right people so we can fix this asap?" Tina suggested.

"Yeah, okay," I complied, "This really sucks though!"

Tina sat with me in the back seat of their rental car repeatedly rubbing my back. It was relaxing but no amount of rubbing was going to lighten my mood. And the day was going so well! Missing cell phone meant missing phone calls and all of that equated to a team of livid people. Shortly we arrived at my condo, Puck drove fast for the sake of my sanity. The couple offered to accompany me inside of my building but I thought it be best that I handle the situation on my own. The building manager gave me a set of duplicate keys to let myself inside so at least there was that. As I kick opened the door I saw a figure sitting on my couch.

"Quinn Fabray!"

"You know keep screaming my name like that and I'll…"

"What… What… are… are you doing here?" I stuttered while slamming the door shut.

"We're taking the day off. A movie day off! "She rejoiced, "I brought a bunch of movies over even musicals but mostly comedy. I think your life could use a lot more comedy than musical numbers.""

"What do you mean we're taking the day off? I have rehearsals in two hours, meetings, and not to mention a million phone calls to get to."

"Come here and have a seat will you," she said patting the seat next to her, "Please?"

"Okay…" I said unsurely but followed her directions anyway.

"Remember what you said last week in the car?"

**Flashback**

"_So… a chance? What do you say?"_

"_I say that we shouldn't jump into anything too fast. I say that I want things to slow down career wise before I can jump into any committed relationship. I say that I need some time to really think things through."_

"_That sounds fair."_

"_Quinn I just want to be able to take you out on a date without the whole world watching us. I would want things to be special for you. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."_

**End of flashback**

"Rachel I don't need a fancy date or anything special. People watching wouldn't bother me because honestly when I'm with you I don't even see anyone. With you I'm never uncomfortable so you have nothing to worry about," yanking my body on top of hers she continued, "This right there is my idea of a perfect date. Movies. Me. You. A couch. Maybe a bed later," she mumbled the last part, "But seriously Rach all I want to do is to spend some time with you."

"You're so smooth Fabray," I giggled.

"Oh baby I know."

Last week there was a silent contractual agreement that was drawn up that stated that I Rachel Berry was to at all cost stop "swimming in denial river" for the sake of Quinn Fabray's heart. In addition, I Rachel Berry was not allowed to think too thoroughly about anything else other than having fun with Quinn Fabray. Also, from that day on I Rachel Berry was not allowed to meddle in Quinn Fabray's attempt of courtship. We silently shook on the agreement and ever since I have been following through with it. Today's break in was all part of Quinn's courtship so getting mad was out of the question. _But wait…_ Quinn was fumbling with the million buttons on the universal remote while I settled myself onto her lap when it hit me.

"How did you get in here?"

Halting the button pressing, she faced me with a guilty look, "I may have paid someone to steal your purse which is sitting on your bed by the way," she finished all calm and collected, "Don't stare at me like that. A kiss will do as a thank you."

"In your dreams," I retorted.

"Oh in my dreams we've done more than just kiss," she said jokingly.

"Is that so?"

"Yes ma'am. Now no more talking so we can get to more cuddling because Berry the movie is starting," she exhaled.

_I could get used to this._

* * *

**Tuesday**

The next day plans with Quinn were postponed because of the stalkers, fans, and paparazzi that were camping outside of my condominium building. _Word gets around fast_. With the help of building security I was able to escape unscathed. Newspapers, gossip magazines, and blog site print outs awaited my arrival inside of the service car. My manager had texted me earlier that day to make sure that I was updated on the negatives and if any of what was printed were true, I was to just deny it. Thumbing through the stack of papers a blurry picture made my eyes bulged. "Turn around. I'm skipping rehearsals today," I told my driver.

All I heard was pounding. The pounding on the door, the pounding of my heart and the pounding in my head were all working together giving me an immediate migraine.

"Coming!" I heard Quinn from the other side, "Hey. I thought that we weren't going to meet up today. Not that I'm complaining."

"Have you read _Star News_?" I asked as I entered through the open door. I was scared of how she would take the news so I skipped the hug and pleasantries.

"Uh no, that magazine is trash."

"Well you're on the front cover."

"Let me see that," she requested taking the magazine from my hand, "Monday's breaking news Rachel Berry caught with a mystery hot blonde canoodling at Golden Gate Park."

"You see what I'm talking about! Paparazzi freaking everywhere! It took less than a whole day for them to print that. I'm so sorry Quinn."

I kept my distance, she on the couch and me in the dining area. The puzzled look on her face was not helping calm my nerves. A few minutes later after a few "huhs" and "hmms" Quinn got up from her seat serene as can be and crossed the room tossing the magazine aside on the way. Once I was within arm reach she enclosed me in a tight hug. Lost in her scent, eased with her presence, my body went limp at it all.

"Rachel… You have nothing to apologize for. I don't care okay? My only concern is for you. The question isn't am I okay but are you okay? Because this is basically coming out to the world."

"I too don't care for all of that. I mean I'm sure Team Rachel is having strokes and heart attacks right about now but I would only care about this trash if you did," I muffled.

"Well I don't care. Besides they called me hot. Did you read that part?" she excitedly added.

"Yes, big head. I read that part," I responded.

"Hey, they said it not me," was her come back. I lifted my head off of her chest and was met with a kiss on the forehead. She scrunched up her nose tilting her head in thought then gave me a quick peck on the right cheek. _Someone's getting bold. _There was something about the way Quinn looked at me that instantaneously turned me into a puddle on the floor. Like now, the way she was looking at me was as if I was the only person in the world. Sporting a lop sided grin, she wiggled her eyebrows. I knew what that meant.

"Okay, but this is the last time," I warned her.

"I promise. After this no more… for a while anyway," she said leading me to the couch, "For someone who is new to this you're really really good Rach."

"I'm a fast learner," I informed her while handing the controller, "Prepare for a massacre Fabray."

"Call of Duty! It's so on."

* * *

**Wednesday **

"Alright listen up," I announced to the room, "Operation Big Booty Berry is officially kaput."

"Why?" Santana asked suspiciously, "Did you already lick that Berry?"

"No and jeez Santana respect, learn it. Anyway, I'm calling it off because first of all, I' am losing money paying all of these drivers, waiters, and what not just so we can trick Rachel into spending time with me which leads me to the main point of this meeting and that would be there is no need to trick Rachel anymore because she and I have come to an agreement."

In the back Emily raised her hand, "Umm and what is that suppose to mean?"

"I don't know exactly but all I know is that she threatened to kick my ass if we don't stop kidnapping her people and stealing her personal items. We're taking it slow and steady."

In the front of the room Artie raised a question that I'm sure everyone was thinking. "Yeah… Okay Quinn slow is good but will you be able to handle it without all of the scams aiding you?"

"That is Quinn Fabray! She can get Rachel pregnant if she really wanted to," Mike defended, "And besides Quinn is probably taking it at a snail speed so she won't scare Rachel off right?"

"Yes Mike. You're right," I agreed, "Rachel said that before she and I can get together she'd want things to slow down with her career."

"And how is that supposed to work when opening night is this Friday?" Tina pointed out, "At this rate you guys won't be able to go out on a real date until you're in your 50s."

"I don't know how it will all work out. I'm just happy with the fact that she's not avoiding me like the black plague. Operation Big Booty Berry is done with because we don't need to do any more stunts that will cause Rachel more stress when all she wants is rest."

With a mixture of groans, puffs of breath, and guesses of how long Rachel and I's relationship will last the group dismissed themselves. They were not too happy with my decision to take this operation solo but I was nothing but confident that Rachel and I will work out our situation.

* * *

**Thursday**

**Hey Q! Come to the SF General Hospital as fast as you can. Rachel got into a little accident. -Santana **

That was the not so detailed text that I received from Santana while I was with my accountant discussing the budget for the expansion of the shop. After doing a triple take and thoroughly reading each word I still could not believe what I was reading. I almost slapped my accountant when he tried to reason with me that we should finish our meeting. I was so damn frazzled I really was on the move to slap him. Saving the assistant was Mike's knock on the office door, "We gotta go now!" On the road Santana and I were texting back and forth. Santana was very hush-hush about the accident which made me worry even more. Walking through the automatic double doors the sight of Santana standing at the nurses' station greeted me.

"Santana!"

"Hey Q."

_Uh oh that "Hey Q", doesn't sound too good. _

"What the hell happened? Is she okay?"

"We don't know yet. The nurse said that the doctor will come out soon and give us the details."

"We?"

"Everybody is in the waiting room."

_Okay? Was there a reunion today that I was not invited to?_

The emergency room's waiting room was packed with the presence of all of the GLEEKS each of who were modeling their own brand of worried/scared expression. I took the seat in between

Emily and Mike to be safe, just in case I faint or something their heavy guns could catch me. For a room that was completely packed it was unusually quiet. _Something is off here, what the actual fuck is going on here?_

"So we have a confession," Santana started, "Well more like Puck has a confession to make."

_I fucking knew it_. "Go on, what is it?"

There was a collective bracing of come what may as Puck started to speak. _The fuck?_

"Well Quinn…" he began, "You remember what you said yesterday about Rachel needing some time to rest but she has no time to since she has all of these obligations blah blah blah," he went on, "Well I thought that maybe I can do something about that because you know rest time for her meant more time with you and her career would slow a bit so yeah."

"Get to the point Puck," I said losing all patience.

"The thing is that…"

"He buttered the floor of Rachel's condo," Brittany finished for him, "She came home slid from the front door down onto the living room hitting stuff and yeah. Slip and slide."

Without missing a beat bodies rearranged around me. Emily and Mike straightened up in their seats. In the corner of the room Artie backed his wheelchair next to Mercedes, Santana stayed put, and Puck and Tina were retreating ready to run.

In an attempt to cool the rapid heating of my body, I ran my hands through my hair repeating _Puck is your friend. Puck is your friend. Puck is your friend. That's Tina's husband. That's Tina's husband. That's Tina's husband. _The mantras did not cool me down as I felt the anger bubbling up inside of me ready to blow and blow it did.

"Puck. You are dead! You hear me? You are dead! You're Tupac! You're Biggie! You. Are. Dead," I screamed getting out of my chair.

Santana shot out of her chair and played buffer between Puck's body and my own. Behind me I felt two sets of hands holding me back from continuing Puck's beat down, "Q calm down he had good intentions," Santana said in defense of the dead man.

"Fuck you Santana!"

"Whoah, chill out."

"Fuck you too Mercedes!"

"Damn girl calm your tits down."

"And fuck you Artie!"

"Oh the violence!" Brittany cried.

From behind, gripping the life out of my arms, Emily explained the reason behind my mini-meltdown, "Quinn gets a little um crazy when she's really worried and scared or both so…"\

"Yeah and she curses a lot," Mike added, "So all beware and prepare your ears for the obscenities to come."

"Fuck that! And fuck you all! What the actual fucking fuck? Which dumb fuck thought 'oh hey Rachel needs some time off of work? Well shit, let's butter her god damn floor so she can break her god damn neck?' What kind of fucking genius thinks of some shit like that? I mean hell. What the fuck people? Where are all of your brains? Did you fucking lose it or never had one to begin with? For fucks sake, the girl wanted some time off to relax not to be cannoned on some god damn buttery floor. Shit!"

An unfamiliar cough in the room interrupted the Armageddon that I was to bring forth to my friends. Following the six pair of eyes in front of me, I swung my body around. _Well this isn't at all embarrassing. Fucking doctor probably thinks I'm a fucking lunatic. Damn son of a bitch! And he's just standing there like a dumbass staring at me. I mean shit, speak Grey's Anatomy! Speak!_

"Are you all here for Rachel Berry?" the doctor managed to say.

* * *

**Friday**

As it turned out Rachel's buttered slip and slide through her living room only resulted in a minor injury. With that said I won't admit that my reaction was an overreaction because they all deserved that verbal beating. The next day with Santana and Emily in tow we paid Rachel a visit. With the spare keys Rachel provided we let ourselves in. Straight away upon entering my eyes landed on Rachel. She was sitting on the couch flipping through cable channels looking more relaxed than I have ever seen her to be.

"How's the leg?" I asked flopping down onto the loveseat to the side of her.

"A little bit sore but overall it's not so bad."

"Have you taken your pain killers yet?"

"Actually I opted out of them."

"Why?"

"Oh I don't know. I don't think a broken leg is all that serious."

"But you're sore."

"I know but I can manage."

Leaning down from behind the couch Santana interjected, "You know what will be good for that soreness?" she then halted, "A little herb."

"Like basil and rosemary"? Rachel curiously asked.

"Um, no Berry. Not the kind of herbs I was thinking of. Good try though," she patronized.

"S. Don't okay." I knew where she was going with this.

"Just a suggestion. Anyway, Emily why don't you help me with these groceries and then we can get to the cooking, the baking and then the eating."

With the cousins hard at work in the kitchen the savory smell of a home cooked meal filled Rachel's condo. Unsure of where to position myself I remained in the love seat as Rachel carried on flipping through the million channels. Kicking it old school I found myself staring at the woman to the side of me. Dressed in her NYU sweats, hair straightened, with her leg propped on a pillow on top of the coffee table, head resting on her palm Rachel looked amazingly well put together, one word: beautiful, two more words: fucking hot. Santana disrupted my stalker gaze when she called for us to join them in the dining room. Dinner did not completely suck. Santana acted like a proper human being and that by itself was a blessing.

"That meal was heaven on earth!" Rachel praised, "I had no idea that you two are such a wiz in the kitchen."

"It runs in the family," Santana said.

"Sure does," Emily agreed brushing her shoulders off, "If ever, you need a personal chef you now know who to call."

"I might just take you up on that," Rachel replied.

"Why don't you two love birds have a seat on the couch, we'll clean up here and then bring the dessert to you guys."

_That's… so not like Santana. Cleaning up? Washing dishes? Emily yes but Santana never._

"Here we go here we go," Santana chanted as she set the plate on the coffee table.

"What did you guys make?" I asked.

"Um brownies," Emily muttered, "Don't worry Rach they're vegan."

"Perfect and thoughtful but I'll pass for now. I'm absolutely stuffed," she related.

"Well I'm not so stuffed," I said grabbing a brownie for myself, "This is good you guys," I complimented in between bites.

"Oh Q, you really should not have done that," Santana regretfully said, "Those were specifically for Rachel."

"You… made… dessert… only for Rachel," I enunciated.

"Speak slower Q," Santana teased, "But yeah at least that plate is just for Rachel. There's another on the counter."

"Okay why?" I probed, "Why make a plate of brownies just for Rachel?"

"Because… she… is… so special?" Santana surmised.

"We just thought that Rachel would appreciate a special batch of vegan brownies to munch on while she is healing," Emily clarified, "No harm done."

"Okay… well it is certainly most appreciated, thank you," Rachel said, "Tomorrow I will try one for sure."

Not yet ready to leave, the double mint twins and I graciously accepted Rachel's offer to stay for a movie night in. Feeling a little bolder, I planted my body next to Rachel. Fearing for her discomfort I was a little hesitant on making a move or moving at all not until Rachel made the first move by laying her head on top of my shoulders. The abrupt appearance of the butterflies cut of the circulation of my heart. Rachel lifted her head off of my shoulders giving me her, "Are you okay?" look. I bobbed my head, "Yes," but I was far from being okay.

_Palms sweating, body heat rising, heart beating, all very fast! Oh no oh no oh no. This is not happening. Universe you are fucking with me right now! _

To my right, Emily and Santana were watching me in discomfort. I quirked an eyebrow and Santana confirmed.

_I knew it! I freaking knew it! _

"Babycakes, are you okay?" Rachel asked, "You're feeling hot."

"Uh huh. I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

Wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans I lied through Rachel's question, "Yes, babydoll I'm fine."

"Hey love birds," Santana chirped, "Mike is on his way with Brittany."

_Seriously? I didn't need more audience for what was about to go down! Santana Lopez, create a mental will now because you are dead, D.E.A.D, DEAD! Oh hey my girl needs to use the restroom and would you look at that Emily offered to help her. Perfect timing! _

"Santana…" I sing-songed as I got myself ready to lunge at her, excuse me I meant beat the hell out of her.

"Q, before you kill me I have an explanation," she said fastly backing away from me, "Rachel is aching! And! You know she asked for no pain killers! Crazy! And well… I know that a broken leg can be a bitch so I figured… I thought that maybe she could use a little help."

"So you put weed in her brownies?"

"Uh, yes?"

"Oh you're so dead Lopez. I'm giving you a five seconds head start," I said looking at my watch, "Your five seconds starts now!"

"Q don't! Rachel! Emily! Get back here now! Quinn is going to murder me!"

Before I had the chance to attack Emily and Rachel appeared out of the bathroom both inquisitive to the raucous Santana was making. Santana fist pumped in victory as she helped Emily lay Rachel back down on the couch. To further delay my plans in murdering a certain best friend of mine the intercom buzzed.

"Babycakes, can you get that please?" Rachel requested.

Breathing out a sigh I did what I was told and catered to the people on the intercom. As it turned out it was just Mike and Brittany, Mike, Brittany, Artie, Mercedes Puck, and Tina. _Whoah! _

"Who invited all of you?" I huffed, "Because I sure as hell did not."

"Be nice Quinn," Rachel sermoned from the couch, "Everyone is welcome."

And with that every one piled in one by one inside greeting Rachel and asking her how she was doing. Not in the mood to join the festivities yet I sat on the bench by the front door. I caught Santana grinning at me and I gave her the finger. I still was wanting to kill her but that had to be put on hold for something bigger that was about to come. The effects of the weed will soon turn this modest get together into a party central thanks to the comeback of Pothead Quinn.


	15. There's Something About Quinn

**Chapter Fifteen: There's Something About Quinn**

You can see her slightly blurry figure out of your peripheral vision. She is sitting on a bench in the foyer blowing off some steam. When the soda gang had arrived unannounced she seemed rather angry, "she's pissed" Santana said then added "but give her ten more minutes and she will be the life of the party". Not all too familiar with Quinn's moods just yet you trust her best friend's judgment and let it be for now. Though you hate the idea of sitting idly by as Quinn fume in her frustration you do your best not to be in her face about it. The people around you are oblivious too busy with their own conversations to notice that Quinn has yet to join them in the living room. To the side of you is a smiling Santana Lopez predatorily staring at Quinn. That immediately roused your curiosity and not to mention red flags. You both watch as Quinn stands and walk out of the door. You look to Santana for help in seeing to what is wrong but she waves you off. Ten minutes later, Quinn comes back, flushed holding groceries and hollering, "PARTY! PARTY! PARTY!" Santana's words came to life. You can't help but watch as Quinn works the room refilling drinks, getting snacks, and stocking up the alcohol supply. She is being friendly to all of the guests. The same guests that not too long ago she had tentatively let into the condo. She is even playing nice with Noah who when you last checked is on her list of people to murder. "You know you're one crazy fucker Puck," she says laughing, "I swear your brain must have been specially crafted by Satan himself to think of something like that." You think that maybe her walk out along with some fresh air did some good in lightening her mood. Maybe it was the fresh air. Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was something else all together. Whatever it was or is you are thankful. You can hear her in the kitchen trying to convince Mike that milk chocolate M&Ms are by far more superior than the chocolate covered peanuts M&Ms. You laugh as you continue to eavesdrop on their futile conversation. The next discussion that you hear is her proclamation that the song playing on the speakers is "her jam" and calls for everyone to join her to the dance floor. Unsure of what to do an awkward silence fills the room. "Come on people. You heard the woman. Dance! Dance!" Santana encourages the group. The mumblings of "what is going on?" and "what's with Quinn?" did not escape you. You watch her closely as she tries to imitate Mike's pop and lock moves. She fails miserably but "Not a single fuck is given," she says because "I'm having fun". What a great philosophy you tell yourself. You take a mental note of it for future purposes. You feel the easiness, the atmosphere change as Artie dares everyone to do a double shot of tequila. With a loud clang of glasses coming together and with an equally loud "cheers" the once quaint laid back get together is now a party. A new song plays and as luck would have it the song is once again another one of Quinn's "jam". Artie starts off a beat boxing slash rapping competition in which all of the other guests gladly raised their red cups in participation. Mercedes points you out and asks you to keep tabs on everyone's performances. You are to judge "Without bias," she says, "We all know about you and Quinn so judge fairly mama." You fake an inaudible shock expression that translates to, "Of course I would be fair! How dare you even imply otherwise?" Mercedes says, "Good," and the competition begins. Brittany is the first casualty as she fails to impress you. "There are too many words," she tries to argue. Santana gives her a sympathetic hug and kiss to conciliate the blonde. Tina soon follows Brittany in the losers' corner followed by Mercedes, Mike and Emily. The last three standing are Quinn, Noah, and Artie. Artie and Noah's turn quickly passes and Quinn is looking positive, secure that she had this in the bag. You give her the go signal to start. Sitting down on the couch you try your best to keep your facial expression as neutral as possible out of fear of a Mercedes' beat down. You feel yourself cracking as Quinn continues to rap and beat box. You watch her unfazed expression as she spits all over your floor. The contest is over. You tell them that you need a couple of minutes to decide on who the winner is. You send the competitors to the kitchen to make your decision in peace. You consult the flock of losers sitting all around you. Making a case for Noah is Tina, "Well Puck has to win. I mean come on," she says, "No way. Are you all deaf? Artie dominated those two," Mercedes disagreed. "Well since Rachel here can't speak up for Quinn I will go ahead and say this. White girl has some chops. I say make her life and give it to her," Santana disputed. Taking what everyone has said in consideration you declare the winner to be, "Artie!" Trailing after your announcement was cheers, applauses, and boos. Quinn's, "WHAT?" looms over the room. You feel the shift of the couch as she sits next to you, "Babydoll! You were to suppose to pick me!" She states giggling as she cuddles up next to your body. "Is that so?" You ask amuse at her odd behavior. "YES!" She exclaims. "Why is that?" You question as she scoops you closer with her arms. "Because I'm your babycakes. You're always supposed to choose me," she explains. _Gosh, she's so adorable. _Your friends leave you two alone as you get comfortable in each other's presence.

"You know…" she exhales as she plays with the string of your hoodie "You're like a free throw."

"Huh?"

"Because I always miss you," she finishes grinning.

"Umm, that's sweet Quinn," is all that you can come up with. Quinn by nature is a sweet person. You have seen it first hand but this Quinn right here; there is something peculiar going on with this Quinn. You stay in your place, quiet and cautious, as she continues rambling.

"Did you grow in height recently?"

"No, why?"

"Because before you were just up to my shoulders but now you're in my mind."

Unable to stop yourself you snort at the cheesy corny pick up line while at the same time berating yourself that it had actually worked. You don't give yourself too hard of a time as you remind yourself that this is Quinn Fabray that is spitting her game at you so you let her continue.

"Did you shrink in height recently?"

"No, I did not. Why do you ask?"

"Because yesterday you were in my mind but now you're in my heart."

You couldn't help but let another snort slip out. _Damn, she is good at this._

She lifts her head up from the depths of your neck to look at you, "Do your eyes have poison in them?" She asks you, staring curiously and waiting. _Okay, what kind of a question is that?_

"No, of course not!" You snapped.

"Really? Because the way that you look at me kills."

_She is on a roll_. You reward her with a kiss on the forehead before laying her head back in its resting place.

"You know you're like a table of contents."

"I'm like a what?"

"I said that you're like a table of contents," she repeats, "Because you are the title, parts, list, and topic that's on every page of my life."

Panties are dropping. Sans the broken leg tonight would be the night that you would ravish Quinn Fabray. Instead you settle for cuddling, always a good choice in your opinion.

"Are you a dictionary?" she asks as you let her hands wander to your free hand.

"Nope," you simply answer.

"Oh really? I could have sworn that you are."

"Why?"

"Because you gave meaning to my life."

You call for her attention with a "hey" as you point to your cheek asking for a kiss. She graciously attends to your request and plants a soft kiss onto both of your cheeks. You can see her staring at your lips licking her own she does so. You decide to do something crazy and unlike you. You follow your gut instinct and lean in closer. She looks at you, asking you, "Is this okay?" Without a doubt you crash your lips onto hers. You feel her ease into the kiss as she sucks on your bottom lip. You let out a moan of appreciation. With that, you make up your mind that kissing Quinn Fabray is and will always be on the top of your favorite things to do. She cups your face with both hands as she deepens the kiss. You feel her tongue graze your lips asking for permission to enter. You welcome the tongue invasion and join in its conquest. The catcalls and "woot woot" of your friends' jerks you back to reality. She gives you one last kiss on the lips. It was chaste but perfect nonetheless. You feel the kisses lingering on your lips. The soft contact of her lips on yours is burning your skin, screaming for more. The once grateful feeling of having a broken leg is now passing because now all you can think about is how you want to have your way with her. Sexual fantasies are suspended short as she asks you, "If there was anything she can get you." You shake your head no content to just have her body next to yours. Remembering the line of questioning from earlier you take a shot in trying to make _her_ panties drop.

"Okay well I have a question," you start.

"Go ahead and ask," she lets you proceed.

"If you can get married anywhere in the world where would you like to get married?"

A question that is completely hypothetical and not a question to be taken seriously you ask interested in the blonde's response.

"Hmmm. Right next to you."

And its official you are in love. Completely aware that it is an absurd question you ask, "Who am I?"

"Rachel Berry an actress extraordinaire, phenomenal singer, and a big shot Broadway star."

"Wrong!" You buzzed, "I'm a police and you're on my most wanted list."

She giggles and peppers your neck with kisses. Satisfied with her reaction you proceed with your master plan.

"You know I can file a case of trespassing on you."

"Say what now?"

"Yeah, because you keep invading my mind."

You feel her inching her body closer, another inch and she will be sitting in your lap, a good sign indeed. She breaks you out of your thoughts.

"You know you should really buy a life ring," she suggests.

"Why are we going swimming?"

"No because you might drown in my love."

_Did she just say what I think she said? Love? Drown in her love? She did say love right? Quinn Fabray loves me? No, can't be. Well maybe. There is a good chance. Be cool Rachel! Stay calm! Ask her to repeat what she said. No, don't do that! Ummm... OMG! Quinn loves me. Ssshhh she's talking again._

"Hey Rach," she whispers so softly that you barely hear her.

"Yes?"

"I love you."

_SCORE! I win. You win. Life wins. Its all win win. This is unbelievable! So many exclamations points! WHOO! Be quiet you trout she's asking you something._

"Rach, did you hear me?"

"Yes, yes I did," you gulp, forget to breath, and tense up. This is it. It is the moment you never expected to happen. Not this soon anyway. You choke. It is embarrassing. "Hummmana," comes out of your mouth. She looks at you like, "Bitch, you crazy." You hold up a finger, "Wait," you say. You start having a panic attack. She's scared. You shake your head wildly repeating, "I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. Just give me a minute." She nods her head. The rest of the guests are far away from you two. That makes you happy. You take a deep breath, let it out, and collide your lips onto hers. The force of the kiss is so strong that you knock her back onto the couch. Every ounce of emotion, all the words you can't say is expressed in that kiss. As the kiss slows down, your foreheads touch and you let out a sigh, "I love you too Quinn." Her lips quirk into her household smile you've come to know and love, master plan accomplished.

"_Loving someone makes you feel like you can say yes to the world and not just because you can but well you don't really have a choice. You can do anything and try and __yes, to letting that someone in and so much so that they're a part of you. It's like they're always there. You can always feel their touch and hear their voice see that crazy smile that lights up your day. It's like you can't stop saying yes and more please and you just can't get enough of them and life and everything and your stomach turns over and over."_

_

* * *

_**A/N: **Cheesy pick up lines are not mine :) The quote at the end was from ALL MY CHILDREN care of Elizabeth Hendrickson's character Maggie Stone. I'm iffy about this chapter but it's been written so here it is. Hope you guys enjoy otherwise!


	16. Head Over Feet

**Chapter Sixteen: "Head Over Feet"**

_**I had no choice but to hear you  
You stated your case time and again  
I thought about it**_

You remember your first fight. It was late into a Friday night. The same night that you had both said those three words, "I love you". The night had been perfect even with your friends' house crashing on your cozy movie night in together. Earlier that night you unwarily ate a couple of brownies that had weed baked into them thanks to your best friend. You engulfed the brownies without thought because they were just brownies right? So when you found out about the extra special ingredient mixed in you were pissed beyond words. It didn't take long for that maddening sentiment to leave your body. Right on cue it was replaced with utter happiness. The weed made you feel all kinds of high. You felt invincible. You felt free. You felt brave. Bold to do anything and to be anyone. It was an awesome night by all accounts. Awesome until your best friend spilled the beans about your marijuana induced behavior. Your relationship with her that night was still in its newborn stages. You had never seen her mad before, a little bit rattled but never mad. And that night she got mad, real mad. You remember her stomping broken leg and all dragging you into her room, hopping each step of the way. You knew you were in for it.

"_You were high!"_

"_Yes."_

"_You've been high all of tonight?"_

"_No, just after dessert I promise and I'm not high anymore I swear!"_

"_Quinn!"_

"_I'm sorry but I didn't know! I' am a victim here. You should be comforting me and singing me lullabies to put me to sleep. Santana is the one you should be yelling at."_

"_Oh I will put you to sleep alright but not with the use of lullabies."_

"_Don't be mad at me. This is all Santana's satanic doing."_

"_Santana is not the one that told me that she loves me while she was flying high."_

"_I plea the fifth on this one." _

"_I cannot believe this! So tonight, everything that had happened between us was all because you were high?"_

"_No! Okay… I can understand why you would jump into that conclusion but trust me when I say that that I' am fully aware of my actions. I meant it when I said that I love you Rachel."_

"_Santana said that you're not yourself when you're high so how can I believe that?"_

"_I'm more myself now that I have ever been in my entire life." _

"_Quinn, I want so much to believe you but you have soda stains all over your shirt and nacho cheese running down on your pants."_

"_Then believe me. Excuse my current state of dress. Just listen to me. Rachel… weed for me is like a truth serum. The only real effect that it has on me is that it calms me down enough to rid myself of my inhibitions. It makes room for me take a leap of faith. I do love you. I'm in love with you. I mean that. I won't ever regret telling you that I do love you because I in fact am in love with you." _

"_Quinn Fabray if you think that you are getting out of this with some love laced speech then you have another thing coming. Though I do believe that you were sincere in your confession there are a lot of other factors working against you right now. First… Second… Third…"_

You let her talk for a good half an hour until you couldn't take it anymore and had to quiet her down with a kiss, always an effective method. That night ended on a good note with the two of you spooning in her bed into the twilight hours.

_**You treat me like I'm a princess  
I'm not used to liking that  
You ask how my day was**_

In your past relationships you have been the brains and brawns behind the whole operation. The inner workings that went on in making the relationships work solely relied on you. So when you noticed that in your relationship with a certified bomb shell brunette beauty was nothing like your relationships before you were overjoyed. You weren't the sole person responsible in making the relationship work. _What a relief._ You soon found out just how special it was to be in a relationship with Rachel Berry.

It's the little things that she does for you.

"_Hey babydoll, what are you doing here?"_

"_I brought you lunch. In your text you had mentioned that you were hungry but since the shop was busy you couldn't go out to fetch lunch for yourself so I did the fetching for you."_

"_You didn't have to do that."_

"_I don't have to do a lot of things but I will gladly do so for you so don't go on thinking that you owe me anything because anything that I do for you is out of love. No payback needed."_

It's the fact that you doesn't bend to your demands.

"_I'm sick!"_

"_I know."_

"_You should stay away from me. I mean it. Go home!"_

"_No, I'm staying right here and I'm taking care of you."_

"_I don't want to get you sick. What about your shows?"_

"_What about them? Quinn, you're not getting rid of me so let me just take care of you."_

It's her burst of spontaneity.

"_Mmmm. Rachel?"_

"_Yeah, it's me. I'm sorry to call you so early."_

"_That's okay. Is everything okay?"_

"_No."_

"_What? What's wrong?"_

"_You're not next to me is what's wrong."_

"_Aww… that's sweet."_

"_I just wanted to hear your voice and wish you a good day before I leave for my flight." _

It's everything. Everything that she is and everything that she does make you feel pretty damn special.

_**You've already won me over in spite of me  
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet  
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are  
I couldn't help it  
It's all your fault**_

Sometimes you wonder how the two of you have managed to fall in love despite being polar opposites.

"_Hey Rach, what's your favorite season?"_

"_Winter. What about you?"_

"_Autumn. How about your favorite holiday?"_

"_Valentine's Day and yours?"_

"_Thanksgiving. Favorite sports?"_

"_What is a sport?"_

"_Okaayyyy never mind that question then Britney or Christina?"_

"_Christina and you?"_

"_Britney."_

"_Batman or Superman."_

"_Superman and let me guess your choice is Batman."_

"_Yes… Oh. My. God. We really do not have anything in common you know that."_

"_We have our love in common and that by far beats all of the other."_

Sometimes you wonder how two people who bicker as much as you two do could even be in the same room together for longer than five minutes. It baffles you.

"_It says leave it on until the green lights turns on come on Rachel. Just leave it alone. It will turn green soon."_

"_Quinn the last time your followed those directions you burnt all of the waffles. We had to go out to eat."_

"_Directions are there for a reason Rachel!"_

"_Well sometimes directions can be wrong Quinn!"_

"_Just wait till the green lights turns on."_

"_Yeah and by that time the waffles will be burned to a crisp… again." _

"_Just wait for it… You see it's green now. Lift the handle for me please."_

"_Oh would you look at that. The waffles are all toasty. Is that how you like them babycakes? Black and hard?"_

"_You know… sometimes I really hate it when you're right."_

"_Should I drive or do you want to drive?"_

"_Where to?"_

"_Drive somewhere where they serve breakfast because I' am not eating those. Those are ashes."_

Sometimes you wonder how two people who have completely opposite taste in everything could coexist without mind tricking the other. It amazes you.

"_I like that green couch better Rach."_

"_Uhhh, I don't know Quinn. I'm not too fond of that shade of green. Besides the black one will look better with the rest of the furniture in my condo."_

"_But I thought you wanted an eclectic collection of furniture? Because right now you're being all matchy-matchy."_

"_I know that but…"_

"_But the heart what it wants so just go on with your purchase."_

"_But you hate the black one."_

"_Yeah but it doesn't matter what I think. Don't let my likes and dislike influence your furniture shopping decisions. _

Sometimes you wonder how two people with the affinity of pranking each other could survive a romantic relationship without killing each other. It astounds you.

"_Quinn Leigh Fabray!"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Did you leave me a message pretending to be an investor telling me that you would love to have a meeting with me to talk about investing in my play and to meet you across town to a non-existent coffee shop?"_

"_No?"_

"_You're so dead!"_

"_I'm sorry!"_

You hate to admit it but pranking each other kind of turns you on.

"_Rachel Barbra Berry!"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Did you call the shop to place a rushed order for a seven tiered wedding cake in the shape of jack in the box?"_

"_No. I did not."_

"_Oh really? Because this afternoon this note was delivered by who I thought was the customer but boy was I wrong. Can you read the note back to me please."_

"_You've been punked it says."_

"_Hmmm… now I wonder who in this world could possibly have a vendetta against me."_

"_Santana?"_

"_Ten seconds babydoll. I'd try running now."_

"_Before I run I just want to say that… I will pay for it!"_

_**Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole  
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for  
That's not lip service**_

Being with her isn't easy. It's actually pretty freaking crazy. The amount of crazy is something that you have come to be used to but still there are times when it sneaks up on you and surprises you. Days that are spent with her are a circus but you kind of love it and hate it at the same time.

Fan encounters were the usual.

"_Are you Rachel Berry?"_

"_Yes, I' am."_

"_Can I take a picture with you?"_

"_Sure."_

"_Awesome, umm can your friend take it?"_

Paparazzi stalk the two of you on the regular.

"_Hey Rachel Rachel over here! Who is the smoking hot blonde?"_

"_None of your business is who is she is now back the fuck off grease head."_

Team Rachel was always present and accounted for.

"_Your manager is calling you again."_

"_Let him. He'll keep calling anyway. Come to think of it I'm going to shut off my phone._

"_Wow, I've never seen you turn off your phone."_

"_Well it's our anniversary and I'm not bailing for a phone meeting. They can wait."_

_**You are the bearer of unconditional things  
You held your breath and the door for me  
Thanks for your patience**_

You don't complain much because you're no picnic to be with either. You can be irrational, too driven, and not to mention real stubborn. You're actually very much surprise at how much she puts up with your bullshit because let's face facts you can be insane when the occasion calls for it. The first time she had witnessed your fanatical side was with your first meeting with Team Rachel. Team Rachel flew in from their New York office to lay the law down with Rachel and you were not having any of that.

"_Rachel dear, this is the chance of a lifetime. You would be working with Allen, Burton, and Scorsese. This has never been done before. I don't understand why you're not jumping to say yes to this role."_

"_This is a four year project Roger. Besides the ridiculous timeframe they wish to shoot the movie in I just have no connection to this project. If I take this role it will just be another role for me."_

"_But sweetie did you not hear the names of the directors that are attached to make this film? You will be missing out on a chance of a life time."_

"_I've heard that before. Look, to be honest I just don't want to do it. I'm still contracted to the play here anyway so I'm out of the question."_

"_We can get you out of your contract. It will be no problem."_

"_I just don't want to do it okay."_

"_And why not?"_

"_Because my body can't take it anymore and if I have to read another script with the same repetitive plot my brain will soon implode."_

"_That is nonsense Rachel. You are lucky enough to have directors calling you for such roles and you've been flat out rejecting them. That's a bit ungrateful on your part don't you think?" _

You really hated Team Rachel. They were a team of money driven soul sucking men in suits. You thought so before meeting them and after meeting them you couldn't agree more with your assertion. During your first meeting you tried your best to bite your lip and let Rachel handle her business but as Roger kept talking the urge to do something grew stronger. You couldn't let yourself just sit there and let them manipulate Rachel into accepting a role she did not want.

"_Hey! Roger is it? Listen to me and listen to me good. Rachel is not doing anything that she doesn't want to do. If she wants to say no to this project then she can. As her manager you will manage to accept that fact and learn to live with what she wants and respect it without the guilt trip and without the mental fuckery of telling her that she will be replaced with "the next young hot star" or whatever other shit you managers like to say to scare your stars. The truth of the matter is that you need Rachel more than she needs you. So if I were you I will be polite, understanding, and caring of Rachel's needs because managers are replaceable but Rachel Berry is irreplaceable. You get where I'm going here? _

"_I believe so."_

"_That's good, now will you pass on the message to those other suits in the foyer busy gabbing away on their cell phones? Oh Rachel, is there anything else that you would like to add?"_

"_No."_

"_Roger, you are dismissed."_

You see you thought that you had done a great thing by dismissing her incessant team of phonies but apparently in Rachel World you overstepped your bounds.

"_Quinn, you had no right to do that!"_

"_I was looking out for you!"_

"_It wasn't any of your business."_

"_I know that but they were bullying you into accepting the project."_

"_I can handle them just fine."_

"_Yeah and it really shows Rachel."_

You didn't mean for it to come out so sarcastically but it came out that way anyway. You couldn't take it back. You didn't want to. You stood your ground.

"_Thanks Quinn. Thanks a lot. I'm so glad to know that you believe in my capabilities of taking care of myself. I'm not a baby damn it!"_

"_I know you're not but you sure as hell let them treat you like you are one."_

"_I really resent that. You have no idea what you're talking about."_

"_Oh really I don't? When was the last time that you've made a decision on your own about the fate of your own career? When was the last time that you took a role because you actually loved it and not because they wanted you to take it? When was the last time you stood up to them?"_

"_Fuck you Quinn. Fuck you."_

"_That's right fuck me for trying to look out for your best interest. Fuck me for trying to put you first. That's right! That's fucking great Rachel!"_

"_You really want to know the answers to your questions? Are you fully prepared for the consequences after I tell you? Because I don't think you are!"_

"_Try me! Just try me. I would love to know!"_

"_The last time that I've made a decision about the fate of my career was when I chose to do the play and move here. I deluded myself into thinking that it was because it was a new city with new people so I'd have the fresh start that I was supposedly looking for but really I was just hoping that in an off chance I would be reunited with you because I knew that you lived here. I decided to do the play not because I was passionate about it but because I was still reeling in my feelings for you. I didn't want to do the play. I just wanted you. I wasn't in love with the role I was just in love with you. The last time I stood up to them was when I told them that I would do the role no matter what even though at the last minute a better opportunity came along. Are you happy now Quinn? Now you know just how pathetic I' am." _

You were pretty fucking speechless after that. It was a punch in the face. It shut you up real good.

_**You're the best listener that I've ever met  
You're my best friend  
Best friend with benefits  
What took **_**me**_** so long**_

One night while lying in bed she asked you how and when you knew that you were without a shadow of a doubt were in love with her. The question stumped you. You've always thought that there was no time frame for love. You weren't fooled by what other people have told you. The truth for you was that there was no way of telling of how and when one has fallen in love. Stumped and in need of help your mind travels back to the cliché romantic movies you have watched. In those movies there were these quintessential scenes where an anvil of insight hits a character (not literally of course) and like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat abracadabra the character was now in love. In your opinion, they are all very cheesy scenes. Nothing ever too powerful to fool you into thinking that these folks have managed to fall in love in the two hours the film have elapsed. But still, you sort of buy into the notion that there are certain moments, a timeframe even (fuck your life for even buying into it a bit), where one realizes that he or she was falling in love. The how and when you fell in love with a one Rachel Berry can be traced back as early as junior year of high school. Time and moments spent with her in high school led to an accumulation of scenes that added to your timeframe of love. The very first scene that stands out of your mind was when she helped you clean up the slushy that Karofsky threw in your face after you stood up to him for gay bashing Santana and Brittany. Rachel saw the whole scene. While Santana was busy landing punches into Karofsky's already bloody face she followed you into the bathroom. She came in peacefully. You didn't look at her. You couldn't look at her. You were too ashamed to do so. Your eyes only connected through the reflection in the mirror. She didn't say much. She left to grab a chair from a classroom; came back and told you to sit down. She delicately washed out your hair making sure to melt the chunks of ice that were tangled in the strands. Up until now you can still feel the soothing touches as she ran her fingers through your scalp. You felt like shit for ever putting her through that. In that moment, you wished that you could take back all of the slushy orders you had out for her. After wrapping your hair in a towel she kicked a gym bag towards you, her gym bag, _"You are welcome to these. Don't worry they're not argyle. Just my sweats for gym."_ You wanted to extend a thank you but it never left your mouth. You curse your damn pride for being so present in your everyday decisions. She waited for you to say something… anything. You still remember the hurt in her eyes as you let her walked out of those double doors without a word. Off with your pride, you told yourself that never will you see that look on her face ever again not if you could help it. You were never good in keeping promises. Even promises that you made to yourself so as much as you avoided it you did see that look of hurt in her eyes more and more as pressing issues bubbled up inside of you. When prom season came around you lost your mind. You lost yourself in the thought of a superficial redemption. You lost, period. The one thing, the one person you did gain was love, your love for Rachel Berry. As you time travel back in time you become conscious that there were many scenes that took place that led to the when you fell in love with Rachel Berry. One particular scene was during Regionals. It was when she sang the song, her song. Words cannot supply the amount of shock, blow, jolt, and tremor that you felt as you heard her sing your words. It was as if she had transported herself into your brain, your heart and saw right through you. You should have been mad that she used yours words without permission but how could you have been mad when all you wanted to do was to hug her and thank her for understanding you, the real you when no one else had been able to do so before. She did the impossible. She shattered your life in the best way possible. You were never the same after that. Back to the one night of you two lying in bed and her question of how and when you knew that you were in love with her… you smile back at your answer. At first the question had stumped you because it was unexpected but as you lingered in your nostalgia you told her, _"I honestly can't pinpoint an exact moment of how and when I fell in love with you."_ She looked disappointed but she didn't let you finish that's why, _"I don't have an exact timeframe because there are too many moments to account for. Every day it was something new. Every day it is something new. Loving you the how and when is an ongoing process for me. It's never ending. Every day I find something to love about you. Every day I fall deeper in love with you." _

_**I've never felt this healthy before  
I've never wanted something rational  
I am aware now  
I am aware now**_

"_You are the beginning, the middle, and the end of my love story. It started with you and will end with you, only you."  
_

* * *

**A/N**: Head Over Feet is a song by Alanis Morissette. I was listening to it while I was soldiering on through another one of my writer's block. Obvious time jump and flashbacks here and there. I just wanted to showcase the various sides of Faberry without being constricted to a timeline. Anywoo, enjoy yeah? And shameless plug here** twitterdotcom****/justlikeahdream** if you like the unconscious stream of thoughts a la Quinn then that's pretty much all me right there :)


	17. Stranger Than Fiction

**Chapter Seventeen: Stranger Than Fiction**

"You guys have been together for six months now am I correct?"

"More or less."

"No Q. Not more or less. You guys celebrated it. It's legit. Six months."

"Okay, fine not more or less. It has been six months and now what is your point S?"

"My point is that it has been six months yet you still have not tapped that ass."

_Well this is getting a little uncomfortable and a lot embarrassing. _This was a conversation that I would gladly jump off of a bridge to avoid. Don't get me wrong I have no qualms when it comes to talking about sex I'm an adult for goodness sakes. I could carry on a conversation about sex just fine with just about anyone but to speak of sex with a perverted Santana Lopez? That would be no dice. You see Santana Lopez loves to get down and dirty to the nitty gritty of all things and I do mean all things. There was no topic that has yet to be considered off limits to her. But I say hell to the no when she inquired about Rachel's and I sex life. No amount of owl face would get me to divulge such information.

So okay, true and true Rachel and I have been together for six months and in within those six months we have managed to build a relationship that was grounded on the basis of love, trust, honesty, and dysfunction. Heavens know that it has not been pure bliss. We have hit some rough patches along the way with her being a complete psycho at times and me being a complete bitch but the important thing was that at the end of the day we hug each other. We don't sleep on our problems but rather work through them together. Speaking of together, well how should I put this without sounding like a prude? Rachel and I have been together for six months sure that's a given but in all that time with our combined hectic schedules there have been no time for some… love… making. We haven't had the chance… the opportunity… the right moment to celebrate… hell we haven't had sex yet! Presumably I may know what you're thinking but this I would say, the lack of sex in our relationship was not for a lack of trying because we have tried loads of times. It just so happens that during the times that we have tried nameless persons serial killed the moment for us. For example, there was that one time in my office. It was late into the afternoon when Rachel came over for a quick lunch which then turned into a quick make out session which then turned into what would have been a sex if it had not been for interruptions. Lord jesus the memories of my hands roaming up Rachel's sinfully short skirt bunching it up along the way as my hands roamed higher on her thighs was still embedded in my mind. I had Rachel writhing at the contact. Her moans were ringing in my ears. The images of my fingers toying with the lace material of Rachel's panties tugging it down ever so slowly with each thrust replays through the gutter of my mind ever so often. Rachel straddling the hell out of my lap and yes, I was in sexy heaven. Just as she broke all records for the fastest time of chucking a shirt and a bra the door swung open.

"_Hey Quinn, I need you to sign off…"_

"_Mike Chang!" _Rachel shrieked, pulling her skirt down. _"Have you no manners?" _

"_I'm so sorry! I thought that you were alone in here Quinn," He reasoned a midst covering his eyes with his hands._

"_Oh my god," _were my exact words I do believe. There I was shirtless, braless, and wordless.

"_Mike get out of here!" _Rachel shrieked again.

"_Right… Eyes are closed. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm out. I'm out. I'm sorry."_

For his bad timing Mike Chang had to work a double shift that day. He was not very pleased. But Mike wasn't the only one who had a habit for interrupting our sexy times. There was that time on the couch at Rachel's place. Rachel was working fast on undoing the button and zipper of my pants while I worked on the buttons on her blouse. She rid me off my pants while I followed by throwing her blouse over my head in triumph. Going off on nothing but animal instincts she and I attacked each other. Kisses were sloppy but landed at all of the right places. Just when we were about to lose the most essential piece of clothing for us to rectify the burning heat in between our legs like déjà vu the front doors swung open.

"_Hey Rachel, here are the samples that you…"_

"_Emily!" _

"_Whoah! Naked people. Oh! Oh!"_

"_Emily. Out. Now." _

I barked at the stunned friend as Rachel covered our bodies with a blanket.

"_Yeah, yeah. Don't have to tell me twice. I'm so out."_

"_Can't a girl get some action around here? And some privacy?" _I sighed.

Privacy was a luxury that had obviously been missing in our relationship. Being with a famous celebrity you automatically lose all rights to privacy. I was used to the paparazzi and ceaseless fans wanting to know every detail about us but there were special places where privacy did exist. Within our homes, we maintained a happy medium where privacy was concerned. But in our universe if you threw sex into the mix the privacy gets nixed. I drew the line at lively pursuing sex with Rachel the one time Santana walked in on us on the kitchen counter. Rachel came over for dinner and to further discuss our plans of a vacation up in the Tahoe mountains. Long story short, Rachel ended up on top of the counter. I ended up in between Rachel's legs. Clothes were off and I was two moves away from sealing the deal when.

"_Holy Guacamole!"_

"_For the love of! Santana what are you doing here?"_

"_Getting a free show."_

"_Turn around!"_

Best friend versus best friend. One frantically trying to dress herself and her girlfriend while the other frantically trying to record the moment on her cell phone.

"_No, I like the view from here,"_ Santana replied gazing at her cell phone screen.

"_Santana I swear I will rip out your eyes if you don't start to look away and put your cell phone away."_

"_You have a bodacious ass Berry. Very nice."_

"_Oh god, this isn't happening,"_ Rachel whimpered all the while trying to conceal her body behind mine.

"_S! Leave right now! I mean it. Right now!"_

"_Alright alright. Don't get your panties in a bunch… Oh wait you're not wearing any. Never mind."_

"_Santana…"_

"_Okay okay. Calm down. I'm gone. As you were ladies."_

Getting caught in the midst of our passionate throws had most definitely dampened the sexy mood for us for a while. It wasn't like I didn't want to get into Rachel's pants because yes, I did and it wasn't because she didn't want to get into mine because for sure I know that she did but somewhere along getting caught three times in a row we decided that if sex were to happen then it will. When the time was right then it will happen and in the mean time nothing will change. After all there were numerous aspects to our relationship that made it work. Those aspects all worked together to keep the love alive. In the future sex will be a part of our relationship but even with its inclusion surely it will not be the main component that will hold us together. Why it was so difficult for Santana to understand that I do not know? Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she's a sexaholic freak of nature, maybe, just a guess. But for me, it came down to this, Rachel loves me and I love her and as long as that held true then the lack of sex would not kill me, not yet anyway. Happy as a clam I was when Santana dropped the topic after some tactful distractions.

"So what's with the boxes of junk Q?"

"Excuse you. My valuables are not junk."

"The boxes have cobwebs. They're ancient junk."

"Has anyone ever told you how pleasant of a human being you truly are?"

"Bite me."

"No, thank you. I would like to remain disease free thank you very much. Anyway, just help me unpack some of this stuff so that I could sort through them and see which ones I could donate for the church's garage sale."

"Which church is this? The church of teenage lesbian tubbers?"

"No, actually it's the church of I' am going to kick your ass so hard that you'll see the light if you don't start making yourself useful."

"Hmm, never heard of that church but okay."

_Remind yourself again why you picked Santana to help you with this charity project of yours… Oh that's right because she has nothing better to do! _

"Start with the boxes with the yellow post its on top of them. My mom sent those to me a while back and I haven't gotten the chance to go through them."

"Don't you have a girlfriend that can help you with this dirty work?"

"Yes, I do and she will be coming over soon to relieve you of your friendly duties but for now just do what you can."

Boxes piled on top of more boxes were scattered all around my condo. Earlier that week Pastor Green from the local church visited me at the shop asking me if I could so kindly donate some time and perhaps some food at the garage sale the church was having that Sunday. All proceeds would be donated to the local homeless shelters around the city. Being a good samaritan and part time Christian I of course agreed to anything and everything that he wanted me to do which brought me to this late spring cleaning fest that was going on inside of my condo.

"Q how did you manage to store all of these boxes of junk in this place?"

"Umm. Again, not junk and they were in the storage downstairs."

The boxes though scattered were neatly categorized by items and date. Santana and I were working at opposite ends. With some luck, Santana was actually getting some organizing done but after the first box was cut open all luck ran out. What was about to come was all my fault as I so stupidly instructed Santana to sort through the boxes which contained my childhood belongings. Bring on the jokes.

"Aww, look at this tiara. Was this your crown for when you won Little Miss Lima?"

"Ugh, yes and you can throw that into the will be donated pile."

Santana shrugged and threw the tiara into an empty box.

"Goodness gracious Q! How short are these shorts?" Santana exclaimed as she examined a pair of my old shorts.

"Hey, I actually liked those shorts. They showed off my legs quite nicely."

"Your pale legs?"

"You say pale. I say porcelain."

"No just pale Q."

"Just shut up and get through those boxes."

As Santana mockingly went through all of the items inside of her assigned boxes my brain couldn't help but jump aboard the melancholy train. About a year ago, I came home to an apartment stuffed full of boxes. My mom was in the process of selling the Fabray mansion, a property which she had received in the divorce settlement, when she boxed all of my childhood things to be shipped thousands of miles away where she didn't have to deal with the memories of the family she once had. It was not surprising that she was sterilizing herself of all things Russell Fabray. The divorce had left her strong, strongly bitter. I suppose I should thank her for at least taking the time to pack up and ship my stuff. She could have easily thrown everything away but she didn't and that was a kindness on her part. Gentle knocks on the door threw me off board.

"Hey you," Rachel greeted from the front door.

"Hey you back," I purred meeting her half way.

Noticing all of the open boxes, "I see that you guys have started without me," she said.

"Barely, Ms. Lopez here is not exactly the best company when it comes to cleaning and organizing."

"At least I'm here," Santana pointed out, "You could be more appreciative."

Pretending to care, "Oh you're right. I'm sorry S and thank you by the way for coming over and eating all that was edible inside my fridge. Thank you for calling my childhood possessions junk and lastly thank you for relentlessly teasing me for my bad choices in wardrobe for when I was younger, like I had anything to do with it but yeah thank you big time."

Never the one to back down from a verbal challenge, "Aww, you are very welcome Q. You know how I love to help," Santana spoke in her best friendly demeanor. _Who is she kidding?_

"Riggghhhttt S. Okay."

"You are a delight Quinn Fabray and always a pleasure Rachel Berry," she said cheerfully, "Anywho, I will get going now. I have to pick up Emily at her swim meet. See you two broads later," Santana bid us a beauty queen wave of a goodbye as backed her body towards the front door.

"Always the polite one that Santana Lopez," Rachel tittered.

"I know right?" I replied in mock agreement.

Alone at last Rachel leaned over a box to give me my hello kiss. I swooned at the contact. She was pulling away when I cupped her cheeks to keep her in place. This was a moment that I wanted to cherish for a minute or two longer. Rachel smiled into the kiss. Content, I pulled away but not before planting one last quick innocent kiss.

"So how far have you guys really gotten?"

"Not even a mile far."

"What have you guys been doing all this time?"

"Throwing insults at each other."

"Was that a productive way of spending your time?"

"Umm yes?"

"I see. Well how about you and I demolish these mountains of boxes. The sooner we finish the sooner we can get to you and me time."

"I like the sound of that."

"I thought you might."

An hour and half into our mission, Rachel showed signs of wearing down. Patches of sweat were visible, her grunts were getting louder, and her speed had considerably slowed down.

Knowing full well that she won't admit to the tiredness nor stop until she was told to do so I suggested, "Want to take a break?"

"If you want, I'm not really tired."

_You see what I mean._

"Well I'm tired," I emphasized, "Did you want something to drink?"

"Water will be fine."

"Water it is." Opening my fridge I had to do a double take. I wasn't lying when I said that Santana ate all that was edible that was inside. At close inspection I think that she might have even eaten my tub of butter. All that were left were the condiments and bottles of water. _Santana Lopez you owe me groceries. _

"Your water miss," I sing-songed as I sat on the lazy boy. Rachel blindly reached for the water bottle as she sorted through a box of photos. There was a comfortable silence that sat between us as I relaxed onto the chair and as she flipped through each photograph in the box. The ambiance of the room in combination with the comfortable silence left me in a sleepy haze.

"Hey Quinn?"

"Hmm?" I murmured with my eyes closed.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, go ahead."

"It might be a question that'll make you uncomfortable so feel free not to answer."

"I'll do my best," I said, settling in my sleepy haze.

"Do you have any contact with Beth or Shelby for that matter?"

_Well at least she gave me fair warning before asking._

"Sometimes Shelby would send me pictures of Beth just as an update you know but as far as physical contact is concerned there is none."

"She's beautiful."

"I'm sorry what?"

I bid farewell to the sleepy haze that I was beginning to be fond of and instead settled in for a conversation of a lifetime.

"Oh there are pictures of her in this box," Rachel explained while tracing the outlines of the mentioned photographs.

"I forgot those were in there. I have an album dedicated to her pictures. I guessed I missed a few." That was a bold face lie. I knew those pictures were in there. They were Beth's baby pictures from ages zero to six months. I kept them in a separate box because it was too hard for me to see her as the baby that I once held then gave up.

"She has your eyes," Rachel inspected, "With Noah's brown hair."

"I know," I replied trying my best to put on a smile but there were just some things that you can't fake especially with a person who knows you just as well you know yourself.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry," Rachel expressed putting the photographs in the bottom of the box.

"No no, it's just. It's still a sore subject you know. I still haven't forgiven myself for giving her up."

_I could never forgive myself for giving her up._

"You did what you thought was best for her at the time."

_I did what I thought was best for me at the time._

"There are days when I believe that and there are days when I feel like a total coward for turning my back on her."

"You didn't turn your back on her Quinn," Rachel said in my defense. I love the girl I really do but this was a battle that even she can't win for me.

"No Rachel, I really did. My mom offered to help me with her but I was too selfish to even consider keeping her. I liked my life and I didn't want it to change so I did what was best for me like I always did."

"You're a changed person now though. You can't keep beating yourself up with what happened in the past when you were a different person," she reasoned.

"I could have been a better person for her, for myself, and for you. If it hadn't been for my complete selfishness I could've spared so many people of the pain they've gone through because of me."

"You're not that selfish person anymore Quinn. We can sit here and hope and wish that we had done things differently back then but we can't go back. We have to live with our decisions. We have to live with our past good or bad but even if we do you shouldn't let the past get in the way of making amends with those that you did hurt and maybe you should start with yourself."

"You want me to make amends with myself?"

"I want you to realize that beneath the selfish reasons there was love involved in your decision. I know that you gave up Beth for other reasons and not just because you loved your life and didn't want a baby to ruin it. Your life was shifting at every moment. Your family was torn apart and going through major changes. You weren't prepared for the responsibility. You knew that you couldn't care for her in the best possible manner that you wanted to so you gave her up so that someone can provide her with the amount of care that you wanted but couldn't give her."

_Sometimes I really do think that Rachel has sixth sense._

"If I'm not that Quinn anymore then who am I?"

"You're my Quinn," she beamed.

"You're Quinn?"

"Yup, my Quinn," she clarified, "You see my Quinn is the most amazingly patient, gentle, passionate, caring, loving, beautiful person that I know. She's a little bit on the crazy side but it just makes me love her more. My Quinn is nothing but selfless."

_Can I love her more right now?_

"Oh babydoll, you're making it really hard for me not to jump your bones right now."

"You know normally I would not object to such jumping of bones but since we have a lot to do I think that we have to hold off on that," she laughed.

"You tease me."

"I'd never!"

_Sure you wouldn't_. Rachel continued looking through the photographs while I mentally planned out the rest of our evening. At a quick glance I saw that the twinkle in Rachel's eyes had faded as she gripped on a photograph. Squirming in her seat Rachel avoided making eye contact. Before I could ask what was wrong she beat me with a question of her own.

"Have you ever wondered why Shelby decided to adopt your baby?"

_No… Yes… No yes no… I don't know. What did she say?_

"At first yes," I began, "But I sort of remembered how she wanted a fresh start with a new baby and since Beth was born you know."

"Yes, but don't you think that there was some other underlying reason as to why she specifically adopted your baby?"

_What other reason could there be? She wanted a baby and I had a baby. Game set match._

"Didn't you say that she had baby fever? Maybe that was all that it was."

"Quinn, how well do you know your mother's side of the family?"

_Okay, this line of questioning is getting a little weird._

"Not very well. Why?"

"Because I don't think that it was a coincidence that Shelby adopted Beth," she said matter of factly.

"What are you talking about?"

_No really Rachel what in the world are you talking about?_

"Maybe Shelby adopted Beth because there was blood relation to be considered. She didn't just want any baby. She wanted yours because she'll have a blood relation with her."

"Uhhh… Rachel, you're creeping me out. Where is this coming from?"

"This picture that I'm holding right now is a picture of your mom and Shelby. Read the back."

She handed me the dusty relic photograph.

"Summer of 1980. Cousin Shelby and I at the Big Apple."

_No freaking way! _In the picture were my mother and Shelby with matching bad hairdo in the middle of Times Square.

"Your mother and Shelby are cousins," Rachel said factually, "They're related Quinn. That means that you and I."

"No… No… It can't be. I mean you can call a person cousin and have no blood relation. It can't be."

_Because there is no way that the people in this picture look any kind of related._

"What if it is true then this whole thing between us…"

"Don't say it! Just do not… please."

I jumped out of my seat with no real intention of going anywhere. I just needed to do something. I couldn't go to Rachel just yet. I couldn't hug her or kiss her. I couldn't console her because if it was true then I just couldn't.

"Quinn, what are we going to do?" Rachel asked from her seat. While I was jumping out of the lazy boy, pacing like a maniac, Rachel remained in her position.

"I… I…"

The last image that I saw was of Rachel's tenuous face. I wanted to die. Maybe I did. The world turned dark. Light cease to exist. Air was scarce. All motions were halted.

"Quinn, wake up. Please wake up."

Soft as a whisper Rachel's words floated in the air.

"Babycakes, please. I need you. Please wake up."

The panic in her voice was enough of a reason for me to crawl out of this alternate universe I had blacked out to. An alternate universe, this was the only way I could make sense of all of this. I couldn't, I wouldn't even fathom the slight possibility that Rachel and I were in some shape or form related. To think of such a thought was just wrong. It was just not possible. I curse myself for not knowing a damn thing about my mother's family. All that I do know was that at eighteen mom left the nest for college. In college she met dad. That was all I knew. It was the end of the story. I remember meeting a few relatives during the holidays when I was younger but never Shelby. But why would mom have a picture of her and Shelby with the caption of "cousin Shelby". None of this was making sense.

"Rachel? Rach?"

_Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality, open your eyes look up to the skies and see._

"I'm here babycakes. Are you okay? Wow, stupid question but are you?"

Looking to the skies I saw Rachel's face tattooed with concern.

"What happened?"

"You passed out."

"I did?"

_Of course you did lamb chop. You're on the floor, rubbing your head, and asking stupid questions like those fellas in the movies who had just passed out. You fit the bill like a pro._

"Yes, you scared me to death. You looked like that girl from America's Next Top Model who just collapsed in the middle of the judging room."

"Ugh, is there any chance that everything that happened before I passed out being a dream?" I groaned.

"I wish. I really hope to god that it was a dream," Rachel soothed as she helped me back into my seat.

"What are we going to do now?"

"I really don't know," she said taking a seat on the coffee table.

"I have to talk to my mom about this. She's the only one that could clear this up for us," I voiced all the while nodding my head as if I was sobering up to face a truth that would be the cause of my untimely death.

"Are you okay with that? I know that you and your mother don't exactly have a functioning relationship."

"We sure don't but… Rachel this shit is creepy and we need to get to the bottom of this as soon as possible."

_Creepy, wrong, fucking outrageous is what this is!_

"Well I suppose that I can get in touch with Shelby," she offered but there was no way that I was going to let her suffer through another reunion with the mother that had abandoned her.

"Rachel… you don't know have to. I don't want to put you through that. I know how much she had hurt you and just no. I will handle this."

"That hardly seems fair Quinn," she complained, "This is not just your problem to handle."

"I know and I don't mean to be bossy or whatever but I know that you and Shelby…"

"Will have to work through our kinks sooner or later," she cut in quickly, "And I couldn't think of a more dire excuse than this."

"You're right," I conceded, "So how are we going to do this?"

"Face to face is the only way to go in my book."

"I guess back to Lima we go?"

"Back to Lima we go."

_Back to the past we go, hell all I need is a DeLorean and I'm good as ready. Yeah… right. Fuck this life._

* * *

**A/N:** Wtf right? I've been in a real funk lately so sorry for the late update and surely this chapter is loaded with grammatical mistakes so sorry again for that. Thanks to the few who left a review on the last chapter. And yes, I usually have a song on repeat while I write as it helps big time while I map out the story in my head so the lyrics and the story all tie in somehow_, _good observation ;)_  
_


	18. Somewhere Only We Know

**Chapter Eighteen: Somewhere Only We Know**

The excruciatingly slow ticking of my watch was driving me up the wall. The total hours of commute back to Ohio felt longer than the usual five hours that it should have taken. The seconds, minutes, and hours were no doubt taking their sweet time in passing. All I wanted to do was to get to where I needed to be without any delays or complications but of course seeing that this was me, Quinn Fabray, the universe had its own idea of torture. The flight was turbulent. The car ride was unbearably hot. In short, my welcome home thus far had gotten off to a rough start. A day after Rachel had discovered the mysterious photograph of Shelby and my mother I booked the earliest flight back to Lima, Ohio. Rachel insisted on coming with me but I put my foot down and told her to stay in San Francisco. Besides, her under study was unavailable due to a freak accident so she had to stay to do her shows. Mike was left with the responsibilities of the shop and I left word with Santana to watch over Rachel until I came back. Rachel didn't need a babysitter but I was worried that she would pull a fast one and follow me to Lima. With all of the roadblocks out of the way I was at a point of no return.

"Thank you for coming with me Em."

"Even if you didn't ask I wouldn't have let you gone without me anyway."

"You're a fabulous stalker."

"One of the many things that you learn to perfect when living with Santana."

Before finalizing my itinerary an epiphany in form of a text came buzzing in. Seconds before I was set to click the confirmation icon to finalize my ticket sale Emily graced my phone with a text. Her text was a simple, _"Work sucked today. I missed my boss,"_ but it did oodles to lower my self-confidence. Minutes later I was booking plane tickets for two. Emily's text reminded me of what Rachel had said the night we found the photograph, _"You don't have to do this alone. You have friends to help you,"_ and she was right. With a friend in tow, there was a united front to fall back on just in case this trip of mine ended in complete tragedy.

"So this is it," I announced staring at the house in front of me.

"How are you feeling?" Emily asked from the driver seat.

"Like I'm going to throw up once she opens the door."

"Does she know that you're coming?"

"Yeah, I called her from the airport."

"Does she know why you're here?"

"No, I would think not. I just want to get the answers to my questions and leave but I don't want to make her feel as if I'm unhappy to see her you know. It's a complicated feeling."

"Oh trust, I know that feeling well," she sympathized, picking up on my nervousness she followed with, "Well… we can go somewhere else if you're not ready for this. There is no rush Quinn."

"I have to do this. I can't chicken out after coming out all this way."

"You can do this Quinn. Call me when you want me to pick you up."

"Okay. I will."

Stuck in a trance, all of my movements were on autopilot. Without hassle I unbuckled my seat belt, reached for the door handle, and was out of the car in a matter of seconds. Five steps later, I stopped. _I could do this. I have to do this. _From inside of the car, Emily gave me a reassuring smile. I waved at her as she backed out of the driveway. _Well there goes my get away car. _Tripping every step of the way I finally made it to the front door. There was only one thing in my way. Circular in its shape, bulky and protruding, white and boring, it was the most unattractive object I have ever laid my eyes upon. This dreadful object was the gateway to the long waited confrontation of Quinn Fabray and Judy Fabray. Before building up the courage to press it my fingers hung around its casing for a while. _Oh what the hell_. The sounds of footsteps rung loudly as I rang the doorbell and as the footsteps got closer to the door it grew to be deafening. When the door opened I instinctively took a step back. _You never know, mother could be in a foul mood and greet you with a slap in the face. _

"Quinnie, it is so good to see you," she greeted as she cut my blood circulation with an airtight hug.

"Umm, thanks mom. You too," I awkwardly replied.

"Well come in, come in and I'll give you a tour of the house."

"Oh okay," I replied just as awkwardly as before.

Getting right down to business was going to take longer than I had originally planned. I could tell that mom was wanting to do the whole mother-daughter bonding ordeal. The bonding soon started as she took me by the hand while she toured me around her house. We started in the living room then advanced upstairs where she proudly showed me the two guest bedrooms she had designed for my sister and I in the very slight chance that we decided to visit.

"So tell me how was your flight?" she asked in the midst of our tour of the house.

"It was long and bumpy," I replied uninterestedly.

"Oh, that is dreadful isn't it?"

"Yes, yes it is."

"Did you come here alone?"

"No, my friend Emily came with me but she's back at our hotel room getting settled in."

"Aww you should have brought her by. I cooked a feast."

"You cooked?" I asked trying to hide the shock in my voice.

"I sure did. Are you hungry?"

"Yeah, I'm starving actually," I answered truthfully.

"Well let's go down to the dining room and I'll heat up the food in the oven."

_Who is this step-ford wife and what did she do with my mother?_ The last time I saw my mother she was knee deep in my father's clothes with a lighter in one hand and a gas container in the other. The Judy Fabray that was now in front of me fussing with an oven timer was a far cry to the Judy Fabray that I last saw burning fields of my fathers' clothes on her front lawn. _Time alone has done Judy Fabray some good. _Once the food was heated and table was set, mom led me away from the kitchen and into the dining room.

"How do you like the roast beef?"

"It is really good mom." _No lie it really was._

"How's everything back in San Francisco?"

"Good. The shop is doing well."

Our conversations from the moment I rung the doorbell had been textbook conversations. She bombarded me with textbook questions and I answered her with textbook answers. Her questions were short and my answers were even shorter. There was no need for long details. This was how it had always been ever since the divorce.

"I'm so glad to hear that," she smiled genuinely, "You know in this dreadful economy it is very difficult to have a steady money making business. I've read about a lot of small businesses closing before even turning a profit. The fact that you're able to keep the shop open with profits to show is really a testament to your brilliant skills. I'm so proud of you Quinnie. At your age to be so successful and settled," she boasted, "I know that I don't say that enough but I really am proud of you."

Color me surprised as she went off tangent and spoke highly of me. It was an odd sensation hearing my mom talk about my life in such a positive light. I was used to her unintentional slap in the face comments about my life in the city that to hear her praise me was a bit unnerving. _Maybe she really has changed._

"Thank you mom," I smiled, "And how is everything back here? It looks like you've adjusted well."

"Oh it was difficult at first but with time I was able to get used to being in this new house and I absolutely adore my job. The freedom is may I say divine."

I nodded understanding the feeling all too well.

"So Quinnie what brings you back home?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Well I love having you here dear but I know that there must have been a reason for your sudden visit."

"Oh right," I stalled, "Well mom… I was cleaning out my apartment for this charity thing I committed myself to and as my friend and I were going through some of the boxes I saw this picture and well I just had some questions about it." I pulled the picture of my mom and Shelby out of the back pocket of my jeans and pushed it to my left to where my mom was sitting, "The caption in the back says that this woman is your cousin but I mean well I'm just confused about it."

Mom picked up the picture from the table and gazed at it momentarily, "Oh, I remember this day well," she softly spoke, "Shelby and I were bored out of our minds while visiting our grandparents that we decided to take a day trip into New York. Boy, that was a crazy time," she reminisced, "We got into all sorts of trouble Shelby and I. Your grandparents called us the 'gruesome twosome', together we were insanely troublesome."

"Uh huh," I hummed, "Well what happened between you two? You never mentioned her before."

"Oh well we grew apart I suppose" she began, "She had these big dreams of Broadway and I had your father," she finished sadly.

"In high school Shelby was the director of our competitors at Mt. Carmel High School."

"Vocal Adrenaline," she said knowingly.

"Right. Wait what?"

"When I went to watch you perform at Regionals your sophomore year I saw her standing in the sidelines."

"And you thought that this was information that I did not need to know?"

"I didn't think about it. There was no need for you to know I suppose. Also, there were a few other things that were more pressing at the time," she commented eyes darting at my stomach. I cringed. _Beth_. "What does Shelby have to do with your visit Quinn?"

"Are you two blood relatives mom?" _Because really that's all I need to know._

"Yes, we are," she answered, "Her mother and my mother are sisters which makes us first cousins."

I wanted to throw the fuck up. My worse fear had been confirmed. Each word was a punch in the face, a spit on my heart. Time stood still. Movements were in slow motion. _Where do I even go from here? _My hands trembled at the news. The fork in my hand visibly shook against the glass plate on the table, five more taps and the plate would've shattered into pieces. _What a perfect a metaphor for the current condition of my heart._

"Mom, did you know that Shelby had a baby?"

"She… had… a baby?" She asked in disbelief.

"Yes, she did and not just any baby. She had Rachel Berry," I stated angrily, "The same Rachel Berry that I went to high school with. The same Rachel Berry who is now a famous movie star not to mention a big time Broadway star and it is this same Rachel Berry who she abandoned after her dream of a big mother and daughter reunion did not pan out the way she had wanted it to! And god, Beth! She adopted my daughter! She replaced the daughter she never had with mine because… because… That bitch!"

My mom sat in sheer confusion as I blathered on with my revelations. She was getting the end result of the pent up mixed emotions that I've been carrying since Rachel discovered the picture. In the back of my mind, where there was some sense left I knew that she didn't deserved my lashing out, she wasn't to blame for this I knew that but rational thoughts left the building the instant mom confirmed that she and Shelby were blood related.

"I don't quite understanding what's going on," my mom said tentatively, "You never told me who adopted…" she trailed off, "I never asked because it wasn't any of my business but if this means that… If this is about Beth."

"It's not just about Beth," I said exhausted, "There's so much more."

"Well then let's talk about it," she encouraged, "Quinnie I want to help you."

"Mom please don't," I stopped her, "I don't even know how or where to begin to explain. I just… I need to get out of here."

As fast as I could I dashed for the front door. I was almost out of the door when I felt someone touch my arm.

"But Quinn, please let's talk about this."

"I can't mom! I can't talk! Not about this. Not with you!" I screamed. "I have no words! I can't think straight. I don't want to keep yelling at you so please just let me go," I pleaded.

Loosening her grip on my arm, she set me free, free to fall on my own and fall I did.

* * *

Jon Ed Pearce once said that, "Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave and grow old wanting to get back to." Well in contrast to that Rachel Berry once said, "To hell with that." For as long as I could remember I have always had aspirations that led me far away from Lima, Ohio. New York was the target. Broadway was the goal. Being a star was the dream. And after I successfully achieved all three Lima became a distant memory. Of course, Lima still holds a place in my heart after all my fathers and some of my oldest friends still lived there but Lima for me will always be the small town I itched to leave. Marie Louise De La Ramee described it best when she wrote about her own podunk hometown, "That clean, quiet antiquated town, that always puts me in the mind of an old maid dressed for a party; that lowest and dreariest of Boroughs, where the streets are as full of grass as an acre of pasture land. Why, the inhabitants are driven to ringing their own doorbells lest they rust from lack of use," that for me was Lima. The reasons for my return had always been because of my fathers and friends and nothing else except now. _Lima just got a bit more exciting._

"You know to do this you're going to have to get out of the car Rachel."

"I know that but…"

"No buts. We're here. There's no going back."

"I wasn't planning on going back I just a need a minute or two to gather myself."

_A minute, a century, there was just no preparing for something like this. _A day after our discovery Quinn left town with Emily but before that she and I argued for an hour about which of us was heading back to Lima. The plan was for both of us to go back but as it all sunk in Quinn took it upon herself to handle it all by herself. It was a sweet gesture on her part but there was just no way I was going to let that happen. In the end, I led her on to believe that I was going through with her plan but the second that she and Emily boarded their plane, I made some calls and arranged for a private jet to take Santana and I to Lima. Quinn kindly left Santana to babysit me and there was just no getting around Santana Lopez so I brought her along.

"If you need me, just call okay," Santana offered sincerely, "I'll have my phone with me at all times."

"Thank you Santana," I said tenderly, "I'll call you when I'm done." I unbuckled my seat belt all set to leave but my nerves suddenly took over. Santana gave me a gentle push out of the car door. Taking a deep breath, I shut the door close. Walking up the front steps I turned my head over to where the rental car was still parked. Santana gave me a wide smile and two thumbs up. Rocking on the balls of my heels I contemplated on when would be the appropriate time to ring the doorbell. "Just ring the damn doorbell already," Santana yelled from inside the car. _I supposed this was a good time as any to ring the doorbell._ Santana backed out of the driveway once I did as I was told. With my transportation gone, there was no way of getting out of this now.

"Rachel."

_When did the door open?_

"Hi.. ii.. Shelby," I half stuttered.

"Come on in please," Shelby greeted, "It is so good to see you." _Fake._

_She invited me in so that's a good start_. Shelby's house smelled of fresh bread. Toys laid just about everywhere. Pictures of smiling people and colorful paintings hung on the cream colored walls. The home was inviting, cozy. As soon as I entered I got the same familial homey vibe that I get every time I would visit my fathers at home. _That's surprising._ Shelby guided me to the living room where we sat opposite of each other.

"Your home is very… nice," I lamely complimented, "I mean it's homey. Wait, it's pretty… this chair and umm… nice color scheme." _Shut up Rachel, shut your mouth this instant!_

Shelby laughed, "Are you nervous Rachel?"

"A little bit yes," I admitted, "I'm not very good at this."

"And what is this?" She inquired.

"A confrontation."

"Oh," she muttered, "Well is there anything that I can do to make this less of an uneasy experience for you?"

"No," I said shaking my head, "I will get over it… eventually."

After the pleasantries and after two minutes of straight silence I finally found my balls as Santana called it, _"Berry find your balls and do what you have to. Cut a bitch if you must," _to get to the point without further torturing myself.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?" Shelby asked.

"Right, well you see… My friend Quinn and I, Quinn Fabray from high school, I don't know if you remember her but anyway she and I were doing a bit of a spring cleaning at her place when we came across this picture," I explained handing her a copy of the picture, "I just have some questions about it."

"Oh heavens. Judy," she gasped, "I haven't seen this picture in a long time."

"So is it true? Are you and Judy Fabray cousins?"

"Yes, we are."

It was an out of body experience hearing Shelby say those words. Three words, a confirmation, three words that forever changed my life. Before this I had high hopes that there was some weird explanation that would clear all of the confusion, an explanation that wouldn't result in such a tragic outcome but all hopes were now gone.

"So all that time in high school you knew that Quinn was your niece?" I pressed, "All that time you knew?"

"Yes," she responded ashamed of her answer, "I knew."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

She fidgeted in her seat, unsure of how to proceed but finally she spoke, "Judy and I had a falling out not too long after this photo was taken," she confessed, "When we were growing up Judy and I used to do everything together. We played, laughed, and cried together. Our family had a hard time keeping us apart we were so attached at the hip. But when we grew up, we grew into different people. Our interests changed and eventually our relationship suffered because of it. This trip to New York was the last time I saw her. It was only supposed to be a day trip, two day at most but I fell in love with New York and everything it had to offer. I decided to stay but Judy wanted me to come back to Lima with her. She was scared of our families' reaction with her coming back without me. Our family, they're a conservative bunch. We stuck around and protected each other to the death. When I stayed in New York the family took it as a move of disobedience. I was shunned. Judy got hell for it. They blamed her for my actions. It wasn't fair what I did. It was selfish of me but I had dreams. Judy hasn't forgiven me for leaving her to deal with the fall out."

"What about Beth? You adopted her without even telling Quinn the truth," I said attempting to conceal the disgust in my tone.

"I know. It all seems like a shady business deal but it was not my intention. When you told me that Quinn had given birth I had no intentions of adopting Beth. I went to the hospital just to see how she was doing but when I saw Beth in the nursery I fell in love all over again."

Hearing her say those words really fragmented my heart. To hear her speak of Beth in such a loving manner really tore me up into specks. Beth was the child that she wanted, the child that she loved. The information was all too much for me to handle.

"You should've told Quinn," I all but whispered, "She had every right to know."

"You're right I should've. I was a coward."

"You are," I spoke cutting her off, "You are the biggest coward that I know and thanks to you I' am going to lose the one relationship, the one person that means more to me than anything else in this world."

Her shameful expression shifted as I spoke, "Rachel… what are you talking about?"

"Quinn and I are together Shelby," I said faintly, "At least we were but with all of this unfolding we can't be. We can't be together anymore."

Wide eyed and mute Shelby made a move to get closer to me, "I' am so…"

"Do not say sorry," I said callously shaking off her attempt at physical comfort, "You don't get to apologize for being the selfish coward that you are." She flinched at my words but didn't defend herself. I got up from my seat and headed for the door. It took all of my remaining strength not to curl up into a ball and cry in the middle of her living room.

She called out to me, "Rachel…" but knew better to try and get close again.

"Thank you for letting me visit," I sobbed out as I closed the door. Not wanting to stay another second I ran out of there. I ran as far as my legs could take me. After a few yards of sprinting I collapsed at an old park bench. Feeling the weight of the truth, I felt an old familiar numbness lurking. I haven't felt this numbness for some time, not since Quinn came back into my life. It petrified me how easily it all came back. Knowing that a fall out could happen at any minute I dialed Santana's number.

"Santana, can you meet me at Old Man's Park?"

* * *

Back in our hotel room Emily listened intensely as I reported back to her what my mother had told me.

"This is so…"

"Fucked up?"

"So fucked up Quinn!" she gestured wildly as she sank into the hotel computer chair.

"Ahhh! Fuck you universe! I hate your stinking guts! Die! Die!" I screamed with conviction, "I'm going to massacre you."

"Quinn…" Emily stared from her chair. I could tell that she was bothered with how I was acting but could you blame me?

"I'm sorry Em," I said sitting up from my bed, "I just what the fuck you know?"

She gave me a slight nod of understanding, "Have you called Rachel yet?"

"No, I have not. I can't. Not yet. I just wouldn't know what or how to tell her."

Looking over at Emily I sort of felt bad for her. I put her in a lose-lose situation. She was the friend that was supposed to be there for comfort but rather than letting her do her job I screamed nonsensical curse words from inside of our hotel room leaving her recoiling in her chair. After letting me exhaust some steam she finally got a word in, "So what's going to happen when we go home?"

Staring at the ceiling I played out the many scenarios that could happen once we got home but none of those scenarios had the happy ending that I was searching for, "I honestly don't know," I finally mustered, "I won't know of anything until I see Rachel and even then I don't think I'll know what to do. I don't even think I could face her anytime soon."

"But you're going to have to."

"I know that," I sighed, sitting up against the headboard, "It hurts Emily… It hurts to know that when we go back home nothing will be the same. I can't even picture a life without her Em. I really can't."

"You don't have to cut her out of your life Quinn. There are just some adjustments that needs to be made."

"Adjustments?" I scoffed, "I don't want to make any adjustments."

"You know what I meant," she exhaled spinning in her chair, "Which is better having Rachel in your life but not in the way that you want her to be or not having Rachel in your life at all?"

Out of words, I groaned loudly, "I love her. I don't know how not to love her. To imagine a life without her… There is no life without her."

* * *

Clear blue skies, sunny with a chance of some wind was the weather forecast for the day according to the Lima News Five weatherman. Someone should fire him because he obviously cannot do his job well. From where I was, on the bench at the park, I saw nothing of what was predicted. The clear blue skies were replaced with rain clouds coming into view. Sprawled out onto the bench I watched the dark clouds passing over me as I waited for Santana's company. A few minutes after I hung up with Santana I heard a loud clicking on the pavement. Sitting up, I narrowed my eyes onto the oncoming figure in black; it was Santana sitting on the bench next to mine.

"Hey Berry," she addressed, "How did you end up here?"

"I ran."

"You ran?"

"Yeah, I ran," I replied tiredly.

"Should I even ask what happened," she said worriedly. Something told me that she already knew the answer to that.

"It's true. Shelby and Quinn's mom are indeed cousins," I verified.

"Sit up," she instructed. _That's kind of mean but okay. _With my body out of the way Santana sat at the edge of my bench, "Now lay back down and rest your head on my lap," she said slapping her hands on her lap, "You already got sucker punched there's no need for more discomfort." Santana ran her hands softly through my hair, brushing back the occasional few that would fall into my face. We stayed that way for some time. We both got lost in the moment. As she quietly brushed through my hair, I closed my eyes and wished for more strength.

"I don't feel anything," I said breaking us out of our moment, "I was angry before. I was angry with Shelby but now I feel nothing. I should be feeling something right?"

"If you don't feel anything then you don't feel anything. There's no one forcing you to feel something," Santana responded.

"But I want to feel something. I don't like not feeling anything. It makes me feel like I don't care but I do. I care so much but yet I can't feel a damn thing."

Santana stopped her movements, "What is it that you think you should be feeling Rachel?"

"Hurt? Pain? Fear? I don't know. I would take anything over this numbness."

"And what is the source of this numbness Rachel? The way that you talk about it… It sounds like you've felt it before," she stated suspiciously.

_Maybe I wasn't the only one who has a sixth sense._

"It's a lot of things, a lot of things that I used to feel on the regular basis before Quinn entered my life again," I began to confess, "Before Quinn this numbness was my best friend. It freed me to be the Rachel Berry everyone wanted and expected me to be. It allowed me to do my job without much complaint and in turn it gave me the life of a Hollywood star. This numbness was buried deep within my body sucking the life out of me. But Quinn changed all of that. Quinn loved me for me, the real me. She revived me and now… with this. It scares me Santana. The numbness scares me because it feels like I'm alone. I feel lifeless all over again."

"Rachel, you'll never be alone again. You'll have me, Emily, Mike, the rest of the gang once they move, and you'll have Quinn. Maybe not in the same manner as before but she can still be in your life."

"It won't be the same."

Santana opened her mouth in rebuttal but quickly closed it. Even she couldn't argue with my statement. Feeling a long buzz coming from Santana's pants I sat up from my comfortable position.

"Sorry," she said glancing at her phone with her eyebrows furrowed, "Hey Rach?"

"Hmmm?"

"Would you mine hanging here for a while? I just have an emergency I need to attend to."

"Um sure?"

"Okay, stay put alright? I'm sorry for the shitty timing but I really need to fix this fast," she rushed, "I'll be back soon I promise and we can talk all you want," she grinned.

* * *

Santana left me at the park bench with a promise that she'll pick me up in twenty minutes or so. I didn't mind the sudden change of plans. More time was what I needed to think things through as thoroughly as I could. Sick of the dirty old bench I made my way to the playground area. With no other place to sit I took a seat on the rustic swing set. Kicking off my shoes I brushed my bare feet against the sand as I swung back and forth. Maybe it was a mirage, maybe it was my eyes playing tricks on me, or maybe I was just going crazy but I swear I saw Quinn approaching the playground.

"Quinn?"

"Hi," she waved, "Funny running into you here."

_Nope, I'm not crazy. Not yet._

"What are you doing here?"

Taking a step closer in my direction, "Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?" she challenged.

"I don't want to fight about that," I said, looking down at the ground.

"I don't either," she heaved, taking the empty swing seat next to mine "I don't want fight at all," she finished.

The look on her face told me all that I needed to know but I wanted to be sure so I asked, "Have you talked to your mom?"

"Yeah, have you talked to Shelby?"

"Yes, I did."

We didn't need to go beyond that. Our minds and our hearts were linked. We needed no words. The unspoken words between us charged the air leaving us to breath in the tension that had befallen to us.

"This is so surreal," Quinn sighed.

"But this is real life."

"I feel like this is a dream or some sick joke someone is playing with us," she said kicking the dirt beneath her feet, "Through the eyes of the world what we feel for each other is all wrong. What we have, together isn't supposed to be what it is. You and I together romantically is sick but I refuse to believe that the love that I have for you is wrong or isn't meant to be and it is most definitely not sick."

_I know what you mean._ Mimicking her actions I too kicked around the dirt with my bare feet, "Our love isn't wrong Quinn. It isn't sick either. It just was born in the wrong lifetime."

"I don't want to let you go," she said looking at me, "I don't know how to do it."

From the time that she joined me at the swing set Quinn and I had been doing a great job in avoiding looking into each other's eyes. I suspected that we had the same reasons for doing so. If ever our eyes connected we both would've cracked and we knew that we needed to get this out of the way. I was mentally preparing myself to be strong and not to unfold before the conversation was over but the glistening of Quinn's eyes as she stared at me got me feeling weak all over. This was not my Quinn. This was the same Quinn I had encountered all those years ago in high school. The vulnerability in her eyes reminded me of the broken Quinn that I longed to hold at prom night.

"I love you Quinn," I breathed out, "And that is never going to change. You will always be it for me."

"I sense a but coming."

"But you know that we can't go home and have it be the way that it was before."

"Why does everyone feel the need to remind me that? Do I need to wear a shirt that says 'I know that!' I know Rachel okay, I know!"

While I was keeping all emotions in check Quinn was letting it all out in the open. All the yelling and screaming wouldn't do us any good and I could tell that Quinn was getting closer and closer to her breaking point. If I had stayed we would've ended up in a screaming match but if I left, I just don't know when we'll get this chance again.

Final on a decision I told her, "I'm going to go."

"Wait," she called out, "Don't go. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you."

"I'm not leaving because of that Quinn," I spoke swinging to face her, "Sitting here with you… Not being able to hold you the way that I want to. Not being able to kiss you or even hold your hand… It pains me to no end. All I want to do is hug your fears away. Kiss your tears and make them my own but I can't do that without this voice in the back of my head screaming at how wrong this all is… that I'm a pervert for even thinking of such things."

"It hurts for you to be with me," she said crying.

"And it hurts for you to be with me," I replied fighting my own tears that were coming.

"It never hurt before today," she said silently.

"It never hurt before today," I repeated, "Never."

Staring at a distance we again avoided eye contact. Once the tears were shed, we fell into an annoying silence. We swung back and forth until it was time for one of us to go.

"What time is your flight?" She asked as we jumped off our seats.

"It's not until tomorrow evening. I figured that I'd visit my fathers while I'm here. Start trying to make up for all of the other times I couldn't visit."

She nodded, "Emily and I fly out in the morning."

I hummed but didn't know what else to say and when I did say something all that I was able to come up with was what one of us was bound to have brought up. "When we get home Quinn I think its best that we…"

"Take some time apart?"

"Yeah, I just think that…"

"There is no need to explain Rachel. I understand. I do agree that maybe with some time apart maybe we'll be able to adjust to our new situation."

_As if we can ever really adjust to this situation._

"Well Santana is buzzing me. I really should go. You know how impatient she can get."

Quinn laughed, "You know they planned this out?"

"Whhat? Who?"

"Santana texted Emily that you guys were here and they set this meeting between us," she explained.

"Sounds like them," I laughed to myself, "There's Santana," I said pointing to our rental car parked in the street, "Do you need a ride back to your hotel?"

"No, it's not too far from here. I'll just walk," she declined, "I'll see you back home," she said unsurely, "Take care," she added with a forced smile.

"You too Quinn," I said. Before getting too far I ran back to give Quinn one last hug. Throwing my arms around her neck she stumbled at the force but regained her footing quickly. She then automatically encircled her arms around my waist, holding me close to her body, "I miss you already," I whispered, leaning my head against her fast beating heart.

"I love you babydoll," I heard her say, "So much."

"I love you too babycakes," I cried into her heart, "So so much. Always remember that."

_Oh simple thing, where have you gone?_

_I'm getting old and I need something to rely on_

_So tell me when you're gonna let me in_

_I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin._

* * *

**A/N: **What can I say? Holy snaps! What did I get myself into? This is just the calm before the storm, prepare for a bumpy ride.


	19. In Loving Memory

**Chapter Nineteen: In Loving Memory**

_Quinn Leigh Fabray_

6/15/1994-6/25/21

Beloved mother, daughter, and friend died at Old Man's Park in Lima, Ohio after what seemed to be a heartfelt emotional goodbye with a loved one. Born and raised in Lima, Ohio Quinn Fabray graduated at the top of her class at McKinley High School. A pressed lemon from an early age Quinn ruled McKinley with an iron fist due to the years of sexual repression. Taking the stick out of her ass late into her junior year, a new Quinn emerged. After graduation, Quinn moved to Berkeley, California where she attended CAL. Loving the California sun, Quinn permanently moved to California after college taking a permanent residence in San Francisco. Close friends say that Quinn will be remembered for her ability to ignore the obvious. The cause of death seems to be assassinated by love.

_Rachel Barbra Berry_

12/18/1994-6/25/21

Best known for her mesmerizing performances in the theater and films along with her powerful voice Rachel Berry will be forever etched in our hearts as America's sweetheart. On June 25, 2021 she died as America's sweetheart. While visiting her parents in Lima, Ohio sources say that Ms. Berry flat lined at a park after what witnesses say was an emotional breakdown with a friend. Taken before her time, fans are still mourning the death of their secretive idol. Team Rachel could not be reached for further details. The public's guess of the cause of death is heartbreak.

Hold up wait a minute let me put some truth in it. Scratch the obituararies Rachel and Quinn are still alive, for now. A week ago the most fucked up thing that could've ever happened to two people in love did happen to two of the cheesiest people that I know. If it didn't unfold before my very own eyes I would've called bullshit. But hot damn, like out of a soap opera it rocked our world and we would never be the same. The scandal was that Quinn and Rachel are cousins! I cannot even comprehend just how twisted it was to find out that Quinn and Rachel were related. Just as I was getting used to seeing them as a lovesick couple the clouds parted and God said, "Rachel and Quinn I hate you." Now, there was some substance to what Quinn said about her being cursed. This was beyond being cursed. This was like kicked in the guts, slapped on the back of the head, gutted through the rib cage straight to the heart, and kidnapped her puppy kind of voodoo. So yeah, it sucked basically. Besides the obviousness that was the suckfest of a situation for Quinn and Rachel it was not a piece of cake for the rest of us to keep it together for the both of them. Since the breakup, Emily and I have been firmly planted on either of Rachel and Quinn's side. The two heartbroken broads tried to shoo us away but we couldn't be shooed.

"Who was on the phone?"

You see that's what I meant attached at the hip. There I was at Rachel's condo for the fifth consecutive night in a row lying on her couch, eating her food, pestering her like mosquito and I was kind of loving it.

"It was the producers and director of that show I was telling to you about."

"The Funny girl revival right?"

"Yup, that's the one. They want me locked in on a contract as soon as possible," she said hesitating on the last few words.

"And what's wrong with that?"

"The play is going to be in London," she said cautiously as she joined me on the couch, "If a contract was drafted then it would be definite and I would..."

"And you would have to leave," I finished, "Wait, you're not really thinking of leaving are you?"

"I don't know Santana," she huffed getting up from the couch, "They've been wooing me for months now. Sending me flowers and gifts at my shows as a secret admirer."

"Wait Rach," I appealed dragging her back down, "Answer the question."

"I'm thinking about it. My contract with the play is over so I'm not obligated to stay here anymore," she said coolly.

"You weren't obligated to stay here before," I reminded her.

"But that was when it was different. Before... you know."

_Oh, I know._ Before "The Happening" (that's what we coined it) Rachel wouldn't even have given the Funny Girl revival a second thought if it meant leaving Quinn but since "The Happening" everything changed. When we all got back from Lima Rachel and Quinn have been effectively avoiding each other. The few encounters that did take place between them were like watching a car crash in slow motion. It was painful for all parties involved. Let me take you back to three days ago. Three days ago, Rachel and I went into the shop to visit Emily and Mike because Rachel hasn't seen them for some time and she missed them. That's cool, I see those fools everyday so I took one for the team and went with her anyway because I knew that Quinn had a meeting with her loan officer so it was a safe zone.

"_Rachel!" _Mike yelled over the noise of a blender, _"Where have you been?"_

"_Here and there,"_ Rachel replied casually leaning on the counter, _"I missed you guys so I thought that we would visit."_

"_We?"_ Emily countered quirking an eyebrow, _"Since when were you and Santana a we?"_

"_Since the apocalypse Em. So what? Rachel and I can't hang out now?"_

"_You can. I'm just in shock that you two are able to hang out for an x amount of hours without killing each other."_

"_She's not so bad,"_ Rachel laughed, linking our arms together.

The laughter died once Quinn entered the scene. Oblivious to Rachel's presence Quinn came out of her office papers in hand, _"Emily, did we get the receipt from the shipment that arrived today?"_ She asked looking at her papers. Holy Guacamole, when their eyes connected for the first time since "The Happening", there were no words to even describe that kind of reaction. It was a mixture of, "Oh shit" "What the fuck?" "I love you" "Take me now" "I miss you" and "This hurts". It was a hot mess of emotions and the whole room felt it.

"_Hey Q,"_ I greeted breaking the awkward silence, _"I thought that you were out for the day."_

"_The meeting was cancelled,"_ she informed me her eyes still locked with Rachel's, _"Hi Rach."_

"_Hi,"_ Rachel greeted meekly, _"We were just about to leave."_

"_No, you don't have to,"_ Quinn rushed out, "_I just came out to ask Emily something and then I'm locking myself back in my office."_

"_No, that's okay. Umm... Santana and I have a date with a vendor at the Farmer's Market. Not a real date!"_ She exclaimed, _"No no no, just you know he gives us a discount... but not a real date. Yeahhh," _Rachel babbled.

"_I get it but really I mean yeah you guys should stay if you want I'll just be a minute here and then I'll be there,"_ Quinn said jerking a thumb towards her office, _"It's cool if you stay."_

The three of us Mike, Emily, and I stood there watching the exchange unsure of how to proceed with the situation. A small part of me wanted to laugh because of the absurdity. Another small part of me wanted to cough the tension away but the remainder of me ached with sadness as I watched two of my friends crumble before my very sight. That day ended with Rachel pushing me out of the door and with Quinn withdrawing back to her cave. But that wasn't the last of Quinn and Rachel's' moments of awkwardness because the next day after the shop incident I was again present for another one of Rachel and Quinn's verbal diarrhea. This meeting though was a lot more entertaining than the last one. I even named it a shot of anxiety with a twist of jealousy. That morning, Rachel and I had been busy running around city gathering donations that were to be auctioned off for this charity thing her show was having and as a thank you for tagging along she promised me an unlimited coffee supply for the entire day. Of all the _Starbucks_ in the city, I just had to pick the same one Quinn and Emily picked, on the same day and during the same time. Walking into the coffee shop, I felt Rachel stiffened next to me. Looking ahead, I saw the cause. Apparently according to what Emily had told me later on that day she and Quinn always hung out at that _Starbucks_ around the same time and usually on the same days. _"Thanks for keeping me in the loop," _I remembered lecturing her, "_Do you people not sell coffee at your own shop?" _In any case, we were stuck. If we turned around it would have been too obvious that we were leaving because of Quinn so we stuck with the original plan and got in line right behind them. The next scenes that unfolded were lightweight hilarious and again kind of sad but overall hilarious if I may say so. Rachel and I stood in line quietly waiting while Quinn and Emily placed their orders but here's the kicker, the barista that was taking their order was so-very-not-at-all subtlety checking Quinn out. He was appreciating her god given assets and was not ashamed in doing so. Quinn, the ever slow one didn't even noticed but guess who did? Rachel, that's who fucking did and boy was she livid.

"_You guys come here often?"_ The guy asked as he punched in the order on the micros register.

"_Yup,"_ Quinn replied unaware that she was being hit on, _"How much will it be?"_

"_It's on the house,"_ the guy smiled, _"I'm Trevor by the way and you are?"_

"_Quinn and this is Emily,"_ Quinn answered with a polite smile. Emily on the other hand was none too pleased and was tugging for Quinn to follow her to the pick up counter.

"_Stare any harder and you'll burn holes through her head,"_ Rachel muttered under her breath. I was all _oh shit did she just say that? _Quinn and Emily quickly turned around to face the fun sized jealous diva with the big bad voice but she was nowhere to be found. After her comment Rachel hid behind me and stared at her hands inspecting it like it was on the verge of doing something interesting.

"_Did I say something wrong?"_ The guy had the nerve to ask.

Quinn shook her head and made her way to the pick up counter with Emily. When it was our turn to place our order Rachel made sure to give the barista guy a hard time.

"_Hi, what can I get you ladies?"_ The guy asked stealing glances at Quinn every now and then which just fueled Rachel's jealousy.

"_Hi,"_ Rachel greeted back in her best high pitch I'm trying to be nice but I really want to kill you voice, _"So well __I need a caramel macchiato so make it a grande. A double shot espresso, extra whip on a latte. A Tazo passion or green shaken iced tea and while you're at it, heat up a muffin for me. I wanna peppermint white chocolate soymilk mocha. Don't make it too hot, cuz I don't wanna choke-a. I want something else, wait a second or three yeah a pumpkin spice frap light blended coffee. I wanna triple grande cinnamon latte with soy and a copy of Shep's book beautiful boy. Give me something else, I want something to eat cuz a seven layer bar is my favorite treat. I want a cream cheese Danish and a hot cross bun and a poppy seed bagel just for fun. Now that I have plenty of food I got one more order so make it good. A tall caramel frap with caramel on top. Flat lid two napkins don't spill a drop. Don't worry 'bout payment cuz I got a gift card. Hope this complicated order isn't too hard but I really do hope I get my order for free if not y'all gotta spit a rap back at me."_

I may have fallen just a wee bit in love with Rachel after she rapped her order. It was flawless I tell you, flawless! I cheesed proudly while Quinn and Emily gawked from their seats with their mouths open. Rachel and I watched while the guy busily punched in all of Rachel's order getting confused every step of the way. I almost felt sorry for the guy, almost.

"_Can you read my order back to me please?"_ Rachel requested trying to hide a smirk.

"_Are you serious?"_ The guy asked incredulously. It took all my will power not to burst out in laughter when Rachel simply replied, _"Yes."_

Quinn and Emily sat in their seats watching us with amused grins. Rachel turned her attention away from the frazzled barista dude to our two friends sitting by the window. With a small smile and a curt she paid for the order. Dragging me to the other side of shop, we waved our goodbyes to Quinn and Emily. The lesson there was hell hath no fury like a woman scorned especially if that woman was Rachel.

So now back to reality, our soap opera twilight reality. Emily and me switched partners for the day. She was kicking it with Rachel while I was meeting up with Quinn. Quinn told me to be at her place no later than 5'o clock but little did she know that I already set myself to be there earlier to tame my hunger. Outside of Quinn's building I spotted a strange blonde woman looking at the building, casing the place with each glance. At a closer inspection I came to the conclusion that I must've been going insane_. Should I stay or should I go?_

"Mrs. Fabray?"

"Oh Santana you scared me," she gasped grabbing her chest.

Not time for bullshit I got straight to the point, "Are you here for Quinn?"

"Yes, I' am," she delayed, "But I'm not quite sure if she would be happy to see me. The last time that we saw each other I'm afraid that we did not leave it on a good note as I'm sure you know."

"Yeah, I've heard but umm," I stopped scratching my head, "Quinn isn't here right now but she'll be back soon. Why don't we go inside and wait for her?" I offered.

She smiled in what I assumed was a yes to my question. Opening the entrance door, I pretty much fucked myself up for letting Judy Fabray into Quinn Fabray's world.

"So, what brings you to San Francisco Mrs. Fabray?" I questioned setting the cup of tea in front of her on the coffee table. I took the seat adjacent to the couch where she was sitting just to keep it safe.

"After Quinn and I talked I was so puzzled. She was so upset over what I had told her but I just didn't know why," she elucidated, "Watching her walk out of my door I felt so helpless. I couldn't stand it so I called Shelby."

_She did what? _"I called Shelby to arrange a meeting." _Oh no she didn't. _"It was a difficult decision but it had to be done." _Okay, I'm not understanding what's going on. _"You see Shelby told me that Rachel had gone to see her at around the same time that Quinn had visited me. She told me that Rachel and Quinn... She told me that they were together." _Uh huh. _"When Quinn was asking me all of these questions about Shelby and me I didn't know why she cared so much but after what Shelby had told me it all made sense." _Watchu talkin' about Judy? _"If I had known the situation back then maybe I could've spared both Quinn and Rachel the pain." _Now I'm really confused. _

"Mrs. Fabray no disrespect but you are confusing me. Can you maybe just get to the point?"

"When Russell and I first got married he was really adamant on starting a family right away. After Frannie was born he was still so eager in multiplying the family name. When I got pregnant the second time he was ecstatic with the thought of having another child bearing the Fabray name. He was out of town when I went into labor with my second baby. There were complications and... It was a stillbirth. Our baby had died and I was just so devastated. I was rattled with fright and just the thought of having to tell Russell that our child had died was enough to push me over the edge. The nurse that had stayed with me throughout the whole ordeal knew of my worries. There was a teenage mother who had given birth to a healthy baby girl right next door to my room and to cut the story short we arranged for me to adopt her baby."

_.God. I repeat. .God._

"Quinn is adopted?" I asked in pure disbelief, "Wait, Quinn is adopted? She's adopted? She's adopted! This is... this is actually kind of perfect! If she's adopted that means that she's free to be with Rachel."

"Santana please listen to me," Mrs. Fabray said sternly, "I came here with the full intention of telling Quinn the truth but you see it's not that simple. Through the eyes of the law, Quinn is a Fabray and though she might not like to admit it there are some perks in being a Fabray," she said with a hint of distaste, "The financial backers that gave Quinn the loans to start her business are business associates of her father. The new investors that she's been meeting up with to fund her new business venture are again business associates of her father. Her father arranged for everything to fall in place. In a sense it was he who gave Quinn the loans. Russell is stubborn but he does love his kids. He loves Quinn and is proud of her and her accomplishments. He will never say it but I know that he is. If he found out the truth then..."

"He'll cut her off," I finished stunned at my own words, "But Mrs. Fabray Quinn..."

"I know that I just put you in a real tough situation Santana but you know Quinn better than I do. If you think that she'll be better off knowing the truth then I would tell her but it just... I would really hate it if she lost everything that she had worked so hard for all these years."

"Rachel makes her happy," I said stoic, "And she loves her shop and she's so excited about the expansion but she loves Rachel more. She was so grief stricken when she found out about the whole Shelby thing. The shop was there for her. It gave her something to do. But Rachel was Quinn's whole world."

"I'm so sorry Santana. I know that this isn't fair to you. None of this is your problem," she apologized sincerely.

"Quinn is my best friend," I told her, "And Rachel and I have gotten close lately. They're like my sisters. I just want them to be happy."

"What do you think I should do?"

"Head back home," I stated seriously, "You can stay here and explain your side of the story to Quinn but knowing her and with your past I know that she won't see your side. She will be blinded by the fact that you kept this secret from her. She'll see you as the reason that she lost Rachel. To her, you'll be the person that brought on all this pain. She won't see your struggles. She'll only see hers. She'll lash out and frankly I don't think that you need any of that so I'm taking on the responsibility Mrs. Fabray."

"Santana no, this is my own doing and I must fix it."

"I get that but like you said I know Quinn and Quinn will take you for a liar. She'll call bullshit and shove you out of the door so trust me when I say that it is better that this news come from me."

"Santana this is a lot to take on," she said taking my hand in hers, "I really would hate to leave this responsibility on you."

"You're not," I assured her placing my free hand on top of hers, "I really do think that this is the best way."

After giving me one hell of a thank you hug I escorted Mrs. Fabray out of the building. _What did I just get myself into? Alanis Morrisette, are you there? It's me Santana Lopez. I need your lyrical writing talent stat!_

* * *

**A/N:** Hey my beautiful readers! Sorry this came out later than usual but here it is anyhow. I'm not too happy with how this turned out. Major grammatical errors and what not since I was exhausted while writing this so I do apologize. Are you guys still enjoying this story? Because I might be getting tired of it but I would hate to leave you guys hanging but I don't know let me know if I should still continue yeah? Much love to all. Oh yeah btw, Rachel's rapping is from a youtube clip, "Starbucks Rap". True story. Word. Peace out ;D


	20. How Do You Kill A Feeling?

**Chapter Nineteen: How Do You Kill A Feeling?**

There are certain moments in our lives that if we're lucky enough we get the chance to meet that one person who will be able to drive us to smile like we've never smiled before. With them you can laugh a horrific day away into the abyss of tomorrow easily. In their presence, you can cry out your sorrow peacefully, unharmed. With them, you can be yourself, just you, no one else, the real you. And if you're really lucky, this will be the same person that'll teach you to love genuinely, honestly and more passionately than you ever thought was possible.

Your love, it becomes an immediate chemical reaction that just flows so effortlessly.

The chances of not falling in love with this person are unheard of. It's an unprocessed imagery that never made it into a coherent thought. To not fall in love with them would be criminal. It's a pull. A tug. A force. It's gravity. You become so drawn to them that it almost unnerves you but in the best way possible.

It scares you that you'll admit, that one can have such an earth shattering affect on another. But feeling this way, loving this way, not once did it ever feel wrong.

But you see, they're not perfect, not even in the slightest bit. They'll come into your life in every shape and form: broken, happy, lost, etc. With every shape that takes form, you hold onto it for dear life. These transformations could be alarming, overwhelming in fact but you know. Deep down into the depths of your unyielding heart you know that ultimately they'll be worth every minute of whatever challenge these transformations throw your way.

They'll push but you will too. They'll pull back but so will you. Then out of nowhere, a game of tug of war begins. As much as you'll want it all to end it won't. As much as you'll want to kiss the blisters away you can't. The touch of your lips won't always be the cure to their chaos.  
The warmth of your body can't always be the comfort that they seek.

It'll be hard. On you. On them. On both. There will be days that one will give up on the other. There will be days that it will seem like love just won't be enough. There will be days that the end will come.

You'll always hope it's temporary but you never know. You move on with your life how you'll see fit. But you see this person. They wouldn't be who they were or are to you if you're just able to move on so quickly.

You don't wait, not exactly. You don't hope. Not really. You're kind of idle, in that place of then and now. It's not the most perfect of situations yet here you are.

So what now? You ask yourself daily, routinely. You don't have a game plan, an agenda, or a blue print of how to attack this situation. You are clueless.

Everyday you're someone different. Every day you feel different. But what's not different about you is how you feel about them. Because after everything that you've been through, at the end of the night they are still that person for you. You begin to think that its chemistry. That they're the proton to your electron. Opposite charges that attract.

So no, you don't wait, not exactly. You love. You still love with all of your heart. They may not feel the same but you love anyway. It's not easy. None of it was. None of it is. The route to love is unpaved, full of potholes, and simply frightening. But you take the chance anyway.

They won't want to hurt you. They'll ignore. They'll push. But stay anyway. As long as they'll have you stay anyway. It's not the brightest of ideas, but stay anyway.

Because they're it for you. So now, you have to prove that you're it for them.

Because you're not perfect. You never were or pretended to be. You've made your share of mistakes. You just kind of hope that they still see the good in you. You just kind of hope that they still feel the love that you can give. You just kind of hope that they give you a chance.  
Because a love like this doesn't come knocking into our lives often or at all.

You don't know a lot of things. You're no mind reader. You're not much of anything right now. What you are is just a person in love and who says that there is anything wrong with that? Take the chance because if you don't you know you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

But what happens when unexpected circumstances stand in the way of all of that? What if DNA without any apologies just fucks all of that? What happens then?

I've been trying so hard to move on but how can I? How does one move on from something like this? I feel it all over, all of the time. These erratic feelings of confusion are manifesting themselves physically. I can't eat, to sleep well let's just forget about that. Everyone is saying how I look tired and asking me if I'm sad and I want to drop kick them to the floor because what kind of question is that? When I'm around everyone else I have to pretend that I'm okay but at night when I'm all alone in bed cradling my cell phone that's when it kicks, that's when it punches, and it just becomes a full on attack afterwards.

I've been keeping myself busy. The shop expansion has been doing a lot of that for me. But let's not lie here; no amount of distractions can take away the pain of losing the love of your life. You see, that is difference. It wasn't an ordinary break up, not by a long shot. This wasn't something that I could sleep away and in time and has it fix it all wounds. Rachel was, is, and was, the love of my life and losing her… its left me inconsolable. I'm angry. I don't who or where to direct my anger to because honestly I know that what happened between us was just an unfortunate case of mishap, _a real big one_, but it doesn't hurt any less. It's been a month. One whole month since it happened and I haven't been able to move since. I still can't get my mind around it. Because you know what it is? It wasn't even a break up, it was like a death and I'm grieving but the person's soul that I'm grieving for is still lingering so the possibility of moving on just becomes slim. I just want it all to stop but it doesn't. Don't judge me for feeling the way that I do because at this point I've given up control. I don't try. I really don't. I mean, who does? Who wants to? That's the question. It just happens. It hits you. I let it. Not all of the time, but sometimes. I've always been a firm believer in feeling. In feelings. I've never been good at keeping them in. It shows. I get quiet or scream or lash out. That's how you'll know. But I can and I have. When it's too much I've kept everything in. I'm strong, I know. That's not the problem but it hits you you know, at the most unexpected time, more than once. That's when I run out of batteries. I become weak. I'm not myself. I'm weak. I'm stupid. Stupid at thinking that I have to be strong. It just becomes a cluster fuck of emotions that I have to navigate through and it's not pretty. None of it is. So no I don't try to be sad or angry. I really don't. It just happens and I let it because if I don't where will it go? And I really resent it when people tell me to cheer up because seriously, where will it go if I don't let it in? I lost the love of my life and I'm not okay with that. I'm never going to be so life right now it sucks. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm going to do but all I know is that I have a talk with Santana later, some important talk and I have to pretend to care about that, that's all I know.

* * *

Hey you guys I knew this took forever but I just wanted to get something written on here before writer's block sets in again. I know this isn't special but it is just a start. Thanks so much for hanging in there all :)


	21. Breathe Again

Holy hell, has it been a whole month already? Where was I? Where have I been? More importantly, what am I going to do? I could hardly believe it myself each and every time when it dawns on me that yes, yes it has been a whole month since Mrs. Fabray has told me about Quinn's adoption and yes, I have not told Quinn yet. Before you go and make your assumptions about me, let me just say that there have been multiple occasions where I have tried to unleash this secret on Quinn Fabray but as you know things do happen and when they do, I lose my train of thought or I punk out whichever comes first but I could no longer keep this in. It's been long enough. The suffering has been going on for far too long and normally, I can get behind some good soap opera drama but this was not the shit to be messing around with so I called Quinn last night and asked her to meet me at my apartment so we can have a talk; the talk, finally. _Mrs. Fabray you owe me_. Let's fast forward to tonight though. My name is Santana Lopez and I'm tough as any other bad asses out there but with this particular talk that I was going to have with my best friend well… I needed wait… I wanted some moral support so here I' am trying to work my magic to get my lovely cousin Emily to stay in for the night. Emily and I were just finishing our dinner as I kept trying to mind trick her into staying with me.

"Emily, please, do me this favor, please for the love of all gods. I need this one."

Emily swiveled her bar stool to face me, "Santana, you owe me about a million favors so what's so different about this one?"

What has the world come to when I can't even get a favor from the nicest person in the world? In fairness, Emily didn't know squat fiddly about what was to take place tonight but still can a woman get some luck? Now that I've backspaced my brain to the core of my stress, with the exception of Mrs. Fabray, I'm the only one who knows about Quinn's true identity. _One whole month!_ I was able to keep this secret for a month, 30 days. That must be some kind of record but moving on.

"Em, you don't understand, just please stay" I begged. "This isn't some ordinary talk that I'm about to unload on Quinn. I need your pretty face to calm Quinn down when shit hits the fan," I said frantically waving my unfinished sandwich in hand.

"Santana, you have about five seconds to tell me what's going on or else I'm walking out of the door," she threatened, "It's a nice night and Rachel needs help packing so…"

"Wait, back up," I ordered quickly.

"It's a nice night," Emily repeated.

"No, no fast forward."

"Which part?"

"Emily Fields!" I screamed, "Rachel needs help packing what?"

Emily looked at me curiously, "You don't know?"

"Obviously not so sing it," I said, scooting my chair closer to hers.

"Rachel, she…" Emily paused. You could see it in her eyes that she was trying to verbally convey this detail as delicately as she could. "Well, San, Rachel… took… the part in the Funny Girl Revival," she said slowly.

I bit my lip in confusion, quirked an eyebrow in realization, and full on gaped my mouth open when it struck me. "But it's been like a month. I thought that they would have hired someone else by now."

Emily ejected her seat and shrugged her shoulders, "You'd think so right?" She added, "But she is Rachel Berry you know."

"This can't happen," I exclaimed, "I'm about to set things right."

"How?" Emily asked nonchalantly while putting her dishes away.

And right on time, a knock came at our door. _Talk about perfect timing._

"Okay, well you handle that because I have to go," Emily inserted quickly as she rinsed her cup.

I ran to the sink and immediately held her hands captive, "Emily Fields if you walk out of that door I swear to god I will burn all of your clothes," I said seriously.

"Santana, get your hands off of me," she said yanking her hands away from mine.

"All of you clothes Em. I mean it," I screeched out. "Trust me; you're going to want to stay for this anyway."

The knocking against our door was getting louder and more apparent by the wasted second. I couldn't bear it anymore. Emily signaled for me to move my hands so she can get the door. _This is it_. I ran after her in terror. _Okay, you're so ready for this_. Emily turned the door knob and here comes…

"Hey guys."

"Mike!" I shouted, "What are you doing here? Where's, where is Quinn?" I stuttered.

"She told me to tell you guys that she'll be late," he said casually, making his way inside, "She had something important to do she said."

"Like what?" Emily inquired.

"Like talk to Rachel," Mike answered.

"Oh fuck me," I groaned. This wasn't part of the plan. _Quinn Fabray what are you up to?_

* * *

Time flies when you're numb. But isn't that impossible? How does one move with time if physically and emotionally they are simply stationary. But that's what happens. Time waits for no one. It doesn't matter whether you're moving or not. Time goes on. It is the expected, the known. That's how the expression time flies make sense. The act of flying itself is an implication of the defiance of gravity therefore there is a certain element at work that makes it impossible for time to not move along with it. Time has been catching up to me. Two weeks ago I accepted the role of a lifetime. The only catch was that I have to start a new life elsewhere, _again_. I'm Rachel Berry, moving isn't exactly a new experience for me. I stopped counting how many times I've moved a long time ago. Starting a new life, making new friends, and creating new beginnings were just part of the package.

It wasn't always easy but I make it through unscathed because…

I'm an actress; a very good actress as a matter of fact and that has worked in my favor for as long as I could remember. Ever since, _The Happening_, I have been able to robotically go on with my days as if nothing ever happened. It's been this way ever since I entered myself in this whole debacle that was my life. This defense mechanism of shutting everybody out has worked well. The act of not caring has served me well in the past, but that was a past before Quinn.

After Quinn, everything's changed. I've changed. The changes weren't instant and unnecessary because true love requires no changes to be made with either of the persons involved, correct? That's well and true but mutual respect does the work for you. Quinn never wanted me to change. She's always been fixed on loving me for all that I' am or was or am. Sweet as the gesture was, it didn't always work that way. In relationships whether we wanted to or not parts of us do change when we're with someone that could ignite that out of us. Quinn and I brought the worse and they very best out of each other but it was the very best that kept us together. Staying together wasn't a picnic. She's crazy possessive, insecure, and jealous; not exactly fun when all three worked together on the same day but I always knew better. I knew that her intentions were inherently good. Besides, I wasn't exactly the model citizen for a girlfriend either. There were several moments in our relationship when I knew that I more than annoyed her or sadly even broke her heart. Quinn carried the relationship. As much as she gave me credit she carried our relationship and that was a hard load to carry on her own. The frustrations seeped out of her even when she tried to not let it. There were many incidents where those frustrations came to a head.

Quinn Fabray disliked getting lost. Correction, she disliked getting lost with me and I do not blame her but weirdly enough she blames herself. I remember our autumn road trip to Los Angeles and well, it wasn't as peachy as I had hoped it would be. We were on our way to watch a movie at a mall in a city that we both weren't familiar with. She was driving, the usual, and I was sitting quietly on the passenger seat. I looked over to her. She was gritting through her teeth, "I think I'm lost." _Silence_. She was looking at me and I felt compelled to answer her but with what? I didn't know what to do either.

"Can you please use your phone and find out where we are?" She hissed out.

I bit my lip and did what I was told. I gave her turn by turn directions.

"So you mean to tell me that you had that talking navigator on your phone that whole time and didn't say anything?" She asked, as she drove her way to our destination.

I don't even remember answering her question. Quinn had cooled down but I could still sense her annoyance through her words. In moments like that, I figured it be best that I let her be and let her come to me when she's ready.

Quinn parked the car into the parking lot and turned the engine off, "Babes," she started, "I'm sorry for losing my cool earlier. I hate it when I get like that. It's an unfair situation for us both. It's just that, I wish you'd move you know. If you see me struggling like that, I wish you'd move and help me out a bit. I don't always know what to do or where to go and your help is always more than welcome," Quinn finished cautiously, "I know that sometimes you don't know when to come in but baby, it's me. It's us. It's our relationship. You can come in at anytime and tell me when I'm being an ass. I guess, what I'm saying is that I could use your help sometimes especially when I'm being an ass because I don't want to act like that towards you."

That's what I meant when I said that she carried our relationship. From an outsider's point of view, she did everything. She was the one that was sacrificing the time and the effort to keep our relationship alive and there was me, just there trying in my own way but I felt like it was never enough. I never really knew what to say or what to do to make the situation better for her. That's all I'd want too, to make it better for her. I love Quinn but sometimes being with her made me feel like I wasn't good enough, like she deserved better. That was the reason I tried to run in the first place. That was the reason I didn't even want to try to work it out with her in the beginning. The love, though, this love of ours wasn't a sprint, it was a marathon. It didn't matter how far I ran; it always caught up to me. At some point, I decided to give in. I decided to let go and follow my heart. Her tantrums in these situations, well they can be something else but at the end of the night I knew that I was part of the reason (or at least told myself I was) as to why they happened so I came back each time wanting to make it right with her. It wasn't out of guilt. I love Quinn with all of my heart but nevertheless I couldn't shake the thought that there was someone out there that was better suited for her.

During the same trip we had multiple trials and error, a week worth of it. During our time there, it just so happened that it was awards week and my management had insisted that I attend some of the glitziest parties around. _"Just show you face,"_ they said, _"Let them know that you are still around and hot as ever." _In the beginning, Quinn was not the happiest of campers when she heard that I had to take time out of our vacation for business matters.

"Just go. Don't make it complicated," she stated, "If you fight them on it, it'll just make it worse."

"But this is unfair, I'm 26 years old for goodness sakes you'd think they'd let me decide on how to use my own time," I exclaimed. I knew that I was acting like a child but there was no care to be found, "I wanted to spend my time with you."

"I know but it's out of our hands now babe, just go," she finished for me.

And so I went to the Vanity Fair party and had a miserable time. It was nothing new to me. I spent the night texting Quinn telling her that I'd be back soon. That soon kept on being later and later as I found myself stuck amongst the stars. It was around 2am when I made my way back to our hotel room. I knocked on the door as I forgot my keycard. I heard her footsteps coming closer. She looked sad. Not angry but sad. My heart broke. I bought us two cups of coffee and some desserts just to sweeten my arrival a bit. She closed the door behind me and sat on the bed.

Forcing a smile, she asked, "How was the party?"

"It was okay," I answered carefully, "How was your night?"

"It was fine," Quinn answered looking away.

"I got us coffee and some cookies," I said, putting the food down on the table in front of her. She didn't move from the bed so I sat next to her, "I'm really sorry about tonight baby. I didn't think that it would take me that long to get out of there," I explained.

Quinn took a deep breath, "I know. I'm not mad. I'm really not. It's just that. We're on borrowed time here you know. When we get back to the city I'll be busy with work and so will you so this trip was time for us," she clarified, "I'm not angry. I'm just sad that time was taken away from us but I really do understand Bubba, I do. I hope you know that."

It broke my heart to see her this way. I just wanted to make kiss it all away. Feeling lighter about the situation I stole a quick kiss on the lips, "I know you do baby. I know."

"When I get like this I just want to crawl out of my skin and dig myself into yours," Quinn revealed, "I want the words that I can't but want to say to leap out of the clutter of my brain and tell you how I really feel rather than having them wedged in my own silence. I want my body to act on its own accordance so I can just hold your hand or hug you so that you'll know that this isn't just about you but about something so much more but I can't help the silence. I can't help the distance. I'm so sorry," Quinn carried out.

"Baby, baby…" I repeated, taking her into my arms, "I know that it is not the easiest thing to be with me. I know that I have a lot of baggage. I know this. I don't want to make it any harder for you."

"That's that thing!" Quinn yelped, jumping out of the embrace, "I don't ever want to tell you any of these because I don't want you to run. It was hard for me to communicate with you about my feelings because most of the time I'd feel crazy, I've told you that. It was hard for me because I knew that you weren't being intentional but still it hurt then at the same time I didn't want to hurt your feelings and have you get the wrong idea. I just would want to have a conversation but I felt frozen because I didn't want you to think that you were the bad guy. I didn't want you to begin to doubt yourself. When you doubt yourself, you run, like you're doing me a favor. But you know, all those times I felt insecure or jealous, I just felt alone. I missed you but I didn't want to hog your time. I wanted you to have your freedom to hang out with your friends and what not. What I wanted was for you not to get bored of me. There was so much more going on," Quinn concluded, "I don't want you to get tired of me and our life together Rach."

All that time that I thought she was just jealous of some new co-star or an ex flame, she just felt… alone. How could I have been so blind to all of this? What was the matter with me? My girlfriend felt alone. Things had to change.

"I'll change," I assured her, "Whatever it takes."

"I don't want you too," she heaved, "That's not it. I love you. I do. It isn't the easiest all of the time like you said but I love all of you. I don't want you to change for me. I don't want to point out your flaws and have you think that they're some kind disease that lives within you. I can see you trying. I can. It's just going to take some time for all of this to click and that's what I have to remember. If changes were to happen then let them happen gradually and organically. If changes were to happen, let them happen because you want to. Do it for you, not for me okay?"

"I love you Quinn Fabray," I told her, pulling her back into the bed with me, "I love you. I love you. I love you."

"Ugh, I can't with you Rachel Berry," she feigned in disgust, "But I love you too," she said smiling, "Always. Just remember what I said okay? When I'm acting crazy just remember it's because I'm scared okay? But I love you. That never changes."

That was us. We weren't perfect. We didn't always get it right. There were a lot of arguments and heartbreaking scenes between us but more than anything, above all, we loved each other. We were special. That we both knew. So to think of the then and the now, well the now has been an incredible hard pill to swallow. Earlier today, Quinn called me to ask if she can come over to talk and I foolishly said yes. I knew why she was coming over. I've actually been expecting it, it was long overdue. We haven't seen each other for two weeks or so and during that time I've been thinking a lot about our situation and what I should do, what my next move should be. The only logical conclusion that came to mind was to leave. I snapped out of whatever daydream I was having when I heard the door bell. I walked at a glacial pace, counting each step as I walked to the door. Alas, here I was.

"Hey," I greeted, as I opened the door for Quinn.

"Hey you," she smiled, "Are you going to let me in or what?"

Hesitantly I opened the door widely gesturing for her to make her way in, "Well yeah, come in."

She stepped inside of my condo and I saw the sparkle in her eyes dim to a new low. She dodged the boxes that were all over my living room, all over the condominium as a matter of fact, and found a seat on the couch, my lone furniture that was left.

"So what I heard is true?" She asked, "Dumb question," she laughed nervously, "So… so, when do you leave?"

I sighed at the question, "Two weeks from now," I said, taking a seat on top of a box in front of her, "Once I get there everything will kind of just take off from there."

"The usual," Quinn joked.

"Pretty much," I nodded, "This is awkward isn't?"

"Not at all," Quinn teased, "It'll only be awkward if we make it awkward."

"It's still pretty awkward regardless," I maintained, "I feel like I'm taking a step back."

"Ouch," Quinn coughed, "I didn't mean to hinder your moving on progress."

"That's not what I meant," I said defensively, "It's just that this is hard for me… and I don't want it to be any harder for either of us."

"I know, I'm sorry," Quinn apologized, "I guess that we should both just get to the point of what we want to say huh?"

"Yeah," I agreed, "You go first."

"Of course," Quinn said shaking her head in that way that she does when she knows that I'm getting my way, "Hmmm… where should I even start?"

"The truth," I encouraged, "That's always a great place to start."

Quinn started to get nervous. I could tell by the way she was shifting in her seat. She kept looking out of the window and then back at me as if she was reading words that were written in the sky and then she began, "I love you so much Rach," she said fighting off the tears, "This hurts so much, just so so much. I will never be okay with what happened and what is happening right now but I can't continue hoping that something will change," she exhaled in one breath, "I can't change where I came from and you can't either. This wasn't an ordinary situation. I don't know how to handle it most of the time. All I feel is the pain every morning when I wake up and you're not next to me. It hurts every night that I can't have you with me sleeping in my bed. Everyday Rachel, it kills me every day. I've been dying and I'm just so tired of reviving myself," she cried into her palms, "I still can't think of a day where you and I are not together but I have to. I have to reroute my future without you in it and it's heartbreaking. It didn't matter what we went through before. The arguments and the fights didn't matter because I knew that I could still build a future with you but that's not possible now." Full on tears were on display, she was no longer holding back, "I haven't been living. I stopped breathing and it breaks my own heart when I think that I just want to breathe again. I love you. That will never change. You have my heart. You've always had it but I just…" she trailed off; she picked up her head and stared right into me. She took my shaking hands into hers and pushed herself out of the couch and kneeled in front of me.

"You just want to breathe again?" I said calmly.

"I do," she confessed crying, "Because I can't take it anymore."

"I love you baby," I cried with her, "All I've ever wanted was the very best for you. I will always love you Quinn Fabray," I said softly, "Staying here would only hurt us more. I made the right decision for us. It had to happen at least once."

"Don't do that," she said standing up, "Don't you even start that right now."

I stayed in my seat as she began to pace around, "It's true though. I'm the screw up in this relationship and it was about time that I do something right."

"You're running away!" Quinn yelled from her place, "You're doing what you're used to doing and you're running away. Don't act as if this was for me!"

"You're the one that came here telling me that you wanted to breathe again!" I was losing my senses by the second. "You think you know me so well but you don't! This isn't some kind of act Quinn this is me. I'm leaving because I want to. It's for the best. You have to know that. If I stay around you'll just suffer more. The whole point of this whole talk was for this right? Closure, well here it is Quinn Fabray, I'm leaving and in two weeks we can finally move on with our lives."

"I didn't want you to leave," Quinn rationalized, "I just… I don't know what I wanted. In some selfish way, when I found out that you were leaving… I just wanted to see your face… hear your voice, even just this once, even if we're fighting but I didn't want you to go."

"But I have to."

"Where do we go from here?" Quinn asked. I could see the exhaustion in her eyes, those same eyes that used to sparkle just for me but now that sparkle was gone. _Did I do that?_

"We have to let each other go Quinn."

_I need to do this for her. She needs to move on. She deserves so much better than all of this._

"I know… I know," she said wiping off the tears, "I'm going to go," she said, walking towards the door, "Rach," she said, looking back for the last time, "I do hope that you find what you're looking for," she told me as she walked out of the door.

_Me too Quinn, I hope so too_. I wanted to run after her. Tell her that I love her one last time but I couldn't. My feet were glued to the hardwood floor and there was no moving to be had. Maybe there was some poetic justice in that. The fact that I couldn't physically move well I took that for a sign that I was doing the right thing. It had to happen sometime, it might as well be now.

* * *

**AN: Okay you guys. Here is another chapter. It wasn't proofread well but I'll take the time this week to proofread this whole story and add and delete some things here and there just to make it more appealing :) Thanks again for hanging in there you beautiful people.**


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